LITR 3731: Creative Writing
Student Journal / Portfolio Sample Submission 2005

Bonnie Napoli

May 5, 2005

Introduction-

I learned so much this semester in creative writing.  From the beginning, I knew this class would be one of my favorites, not only for the semester, but for my whole college career.  I have been able to creatively write poetry, short fiction, and drama, all while growing and learning using the new ideas and techniques gained from the workshop.  I enjoyed sharing my work with the great people in my class as well as taking their comments and suggestions to improve my writing.  I really enjoy the workshop style classroom because the class was full of interaction, not only among the professor and students, but with the students and students.  This interaction is a key ingredient within the creative writing setting, and allows class meetings to run very smoothly.  This will be proven in my journal, which will contain my poetry, fiction, and drama pieces which I have worked on and re-written throughout this spring semester.   

    As I began this journal, I had no idea where to start.  By looking at past journals I was able to see different formats of how I might want to pattern my journal.  I enjoyed reading William Frith’s journal.  His writing career really sounded like a long, stubborn journey.  I noticed he commented on the textbook, which is good that Minot’s advice helped him become a more comfortable writer. 

As stated previously, my journal will consist of three different pieces.  These pieces represent my writing style throughout this semester, and mirror my fun personality and comedic sense of humor.  Within my fiction and drama, I began writing within the genre of comedy.  I felt I was funny got great laughs in class, so I do hope my writings represent that.  The format of this journal consists of the following:   poetry, fiction, and drama.  My least favorite section of this course was absolutely the poetry section.   I have the biggest problem with mushy poetry.  I am not comfortable writing poetry, reading poetry, or sharing my poetry with others.  I loved writing the fiction.  My favorite, by far, was the drama presentations.  I thought presenting and acting out everyone’s work was so much fun.  There were a bunch of laughs and jokes this semester, and I will miss everyone.      

Draft Exchange & Online Student-

            I did a poetry draft exchange with Sherry.  I also received feedback from Karen, Mary, and Daniel, but Sherry and I emailed back and forth a couple of times.  She tried to make me feel comfortable with my poem because I felt it was really cheesy.  She assured me it wasn’t, and gave me ideas to improve my poem.  She let me know where the poem was too wordy, and she also helped me juggle a few different options for my poem.  Her input was very helpful.  We had some technical difficulties with attachments, but eventually everything worked out. 

I wouldn't call this a cheesy poem because the way you made it jingly implies the tone of your poem. It's an interesting poem. The reader would think that if you steal someone's ideas without giving credit then you are wrong, but in this case you believe the other person is wrong. It makes the reader wonder about what the situation is?   I can definitely feel the rhythm of your poem, and you have a lot of obvious rhyme. Is there some reason you only used one question mark for punctuation? If that's the message here or the theme that you want for this poem, maybe you could use that as the title. If you don't want a long title, then you could title it something like "Losing Glory." The following line, "But the thought of my success" is a bit wordy. I think you could still keep the rhythm if you just say "But my thought of success" or But the thought of success."

            In addition, I like your play on the word "thunder:" So here is the thunder

that you did not earn, it makes me think that perhaps you worked in a group, in which you did most of the work and a member thought the whole group was going to get credit, praise or fame. But in all actuality someone realized that you provided most of the ideas, and you got the credit. I don't know, but that's what I got out of this.

            By the way, I couldn't open the attachment because I don't have Microsoft Works. However, you did paste it in the message. Everything is centered in one stanza. Is that how you wanted it? I just wanted to make sure, but I think it works fine.

Audra helped me out too.  She helped me out with the title tremendously.  I enjoyed talking with her throughout the semester.  I hope she enjoyed class.  It sounded like she had fun, but too bad she couldn’t be in class for all the inside jokes.

Hey, Bonnie. I hope the semester is going well for you. I looked over your poem and thought it was great. The flow was nice and made the poem very easy to read. I think it is a great poem filled with emotion. It is also broad enough that many people can relate to the feelings expressed. I noticed you did not have a title for your poem yet. Might I suggest titling it by the event that took place to make you and the person in the poem split ways? Also, I think it would enhance the flow even more if it were split into stanzas instead of having it as one long poem.

Poetry-

            Basically, the only things I changed within my poem were the contractions.  The title was a sore subject with me, but even after thinking about it, I still could not think of a better title.  Honestly, after the poetry was over I was relieved.  I am just not confident with myself when writing poetry.  I feel uncomfortable, too mushy, and emotional, etc.  I wish that throughout the semester I would have conquered my fear of being so mushy, or as I like to say, cheesy, but it just didn’t happen.  I am not a poet, that’s for sure. 

Fiction-

       First Draft:

Don’t take the medicine!  Don’t take the ibuprophen!  You know you’re allergic. You do not know what could happen.  Lucy sat at work and debated whether or not the pain she was feeling was worth feeling the pain taking those pills would bring.  She wasn’t sure if she was deathly allergic to the medicine, but never the less, she was allergic.  But you see this whole debate within her mind was only because she felt as if she were dying.  You see, along with the great gift of womanhood sometimes comes the horrible gift of pain.  Some women experience this pain every month but not Lucy.  The only thing Lucy could imagine and compare her pain to was childbirth, and Lucy doesn’t have kids. 

            So, take the pill or not?  Lucy decided to swallow one pill.  How bad could it be?  She popped it in her mouth, swallowed some water and went back to work by locking herself in her office.  Not even ten minutes later the reaction started.  The itching was outrageous.  Lucy scratched and scratched every inch of her face.  The hives and bumps covered her face from the neck up.  Dammit!  She thought, I should have never taken that stupid pill.  What kind of idiot am I?

This was the draft that I read in class.  I changed a bit.  The whole cramping part seemed to be confusing to everyone so I jazzed it up. 

Do not take the medicine! Do not take the ibuprofen! You know you are allergic. You do not know what could happen. Lucy sat at work and debated if the pain she was feeling was worth risking the pain taking those pills would bring. She was not sure if she was deathly allergic to the medicine, but never the less, she was allergic. This whole debate within her mind was only because she felt as if she were dying. This feeling was only because the great gift of womanhood sometimes brought the horrible gift of pain. Some women experience this pain every month, but not Lucy, until today. The only thing Lucy could imagine her pain to was the agony of childbirth. Lucy doesn't have kids, but she's seen plenty of those real life medical programs on the Discovery Health Channel. In her mind, and her mind only, this made her an expert on all things medical, which is ridiculous because she was still debating on whether or not to take the pill she knew she was allergic to.

Lucy decided to swallow one pill. How bad could it be? She popped it into her mouth, swallowed some water and went back to work. Not even ten minutes later, the reaction started. The itching was outrageous. Lucy scratched and scratched every inch of her face. The hives and bumps covered Lucy from the neck up. Gosh! She thought, I should have never taken that stupid pill. What kind of idiot am I?

After presenting, I changed and added things throughout the beginning of my fiction.  I changed the contractions because I felt it made Lucy’s pill popping more intense.  I also added things towards Lucy’s personality.  I felt that she needed a certain ideology of medical knowledge that was completely absurd, and that is why I added the whole Discovery Health Channel bit.  There are other places within my story I changed, but this part was the most significant. 

            After presenting my fiction to class, I really felt confident about where my story was heading.  I received many, many great comments that helped improve my writing. 

Drama-

Positive Reinforcement

Characters:

Devon- The unprepared, sarcastic student who finds herself in the twilight zone

Sherry- The sweetest student in history

Mary- The valley girl

Dr. White- The optimistic professor

Daniel- The holy man of God

Karen- A positive student

Jennifer- A positive student

Micah- A positive student

Lindsay- The emotionally unstable student

Concept Sentence: In the spirit of the creative writing class set-up an unprepared student presents a completely horrible poem she writes 5 minutes before class begins.  Very apparent the poem is beyond terrible; the student feels she is in the twilight zone because her fellow classmates are overly positive about her bad poem.

Students are in class waiting to begin the poetry presentations.  Devon is frantically writing a poem because her presentation is today.  The other students are super bubbly in a creepy way and over supportive when critiquing Devon’s work.

Devon: (To herself) Oh man!  I cannot believe I forgot to write a poem and my presentation is today!  This is going to be horrible and interesting all at the same time.  (Scribbles away)

Sherry:  (Overly excited turns to Devon and asks) Hey Devon!  Is today not the most beautiful day ever?  What are you doing?  Oh yeah, you’re presenting today, I cannot wait to hear your poem.  I know it will be great!

Devon:  (Without even lifting her head still scribbling away) Umm... don’t get your hopes up.

Mary:  (Listening) No way!  I’m sure it’s like the best poem ever!

Dr. White:  (Enters class and remains standing) Hello everyone!  Isn’t today such a great day?  I have to be honest; I have been looking forward to the poetry presentations all weekend!  Let’s just skip all the business and start.  I just know this is going to be great!  Devon is up first.   Are you ready?

Devon:  (Knowing her poem is horrible) Yeah but let me first say it is totally a work in progress and I am very uncomfortable with the status of my poem.

Daniel: Devon, you really shouldn’t be so negative! 

Karen:  Devon, you’re crazy everyone knows it will be fantastic!

Jennifer:  Oh I can’t wait!  The anticipation is driving me crazy!

Devon: (With a weird look on her face because everyone is way too excited for no reason, she clears her throat and begins reading) Uh, okay... here it goes

Love and Hate

I love the way you walk

I love the way you talk

You are so cool

I love you so much I feel like a fool

We had a lot of fun

We had a nice run

But then you broke my heart

And my whole life fell apart

So now I hate the way you walk

I hate the way you talk

You are so un-cool

I hate you so much you’re the fool

Sherry: Oh my goodness!  Those words are magical!

Daniel: Words from heaven above!

Micah:  Yeah, poetry sucks but nothing compares to the inspiration your poem just gave me!  (Starts writing away in his notebook)

Lindsay:  Wow!  You should totally publish that in the Bayou Sphere!

Mary: Devon that is like seriously the best poem I have like ever heard in like my whole life.

Dr. White: Wow! I have to sit down; I am blown away by your piece!  Let’s open the floor to comments.  How does everyone else feel?  Anyone?

Daniel:  It is obvious Devon has the gift of writing within her.  You are so blessed to be able to have that talent.  Compared to your writing, all of my years dedicated to poetry seem so mediocre. 

Devon:  (Completely confused) Are you guys crazy?  This is the absolute worst thing ever written!

Dr. White: Now Devon, don’t be so hard on yourself.  What do we like about the poem?  I know everything in the writing is exceptionally fantastic but what do we really like?

 Karen:  Devon, your poem is fabulous.  Words cannot express how your poem has changed my life.

Jennifer:  I like contrast of love and hate.  That is so deep.

Mary:  Oh my gosh!  Jennifer, I was like totally thinking the same thing!  I mean personally, I’ve like loved people and I’ve like hated people and that has been like major life altering situations.  I have never been able to put those moments into like words, but now I don’t have to because you did it like totally so much better than I could ever like imagine.

Lindsay: (Starts getting teary eyed) Yes, I would have to totally agree with Karen, Jennifer, and Mary.  I am so moved.  I’m sorry... it’s just so moving emotionally.

(Sherry digs in her bag and gives Lindsay some tissues)

Lindsay: (Weeping) Devon, how could you even think of changing anything about your poem?

Karen:  Did you take this tragic love story from a personal experience?  The poem starts so light and carefree but then turns dark and tragic.  I actually felt your pain.

Devon:  (Totally annoyed) ARE YOU GUYS SERIOUS? I hate to break this to you guys but I wrote this poem literally five minutes ago.  Haven’t you guys ever heard of constructive criticism?  I mean this poem needs work on so many different levels!  Can’t you guys find at least one thing that needs work?  I mean I can think of a million!

Sherry:  (Intrigued) Huh? Constructive criticism?  What’s that, it sounds exciting?

Devon:  Well, it’s a method that we as students can use to help improve the quality of our writing.  It is comments or suggestions from you guys that I can use to help develop my piece.   It’s not insulting me or intentionally criticizing my work, but rather helping me improve my poem to become better.

Dr. White: Hmm... Interesting concept.  Let’s try it.  Does anyone see room for improvement within Devon’s poem?

(A few seconds of silence pass because everyone is scared to seem negative)

Sherry:  (Very shy) Well, I guess, I mean, well... no offense but... I mean this isn’t bad, but the poem has a “roses are red, violets are blue” sort of feeling.  Maybe you could find better words to help capture the mood.  Why did you love this person so much? And now, why do you hate them? (Timidly)  I mean that is just a suggestion.  It wasn’t too rude was it?  I am so sorry.

Devon:  No, no, that’s great! I feel the same way. See you just helped me start the journey of improving my poem by that small suggestion.  See how easy and great this can be?   Anyone else?

Jennifer:  Well, what about the title, Love and Hate?  Maybe something more vivid would capture the essence of the poem?  Let me think... it needs to be something more DRAMATIC.

Daniel:  First off, I absolutely love your poem… but I do have to mention the rhyming?  It seems too rhymed.  Sometimes in poetry you don’t necessarily have to rhyme to make it a poem.  When you do sometimes it seems like a hallmark card.

Dr. White: I agree with Daniel.  Well, this is something that I caught and thought I would bring up but what about the flow?  Something is just off there, anyone feel the same?

Mary: I like totally agree Dr. White!  Perhaps you could like adjust some things in like the very last line.  It seems choppy and like hard to read aloud.

Devon:  This is like great!  Now I can re-work my poem into what it was meant to be.  See how being overly positive is super creepy and not always beneficial?

Dr. White: Well class this is great!  We have all learned something new today and now we can all apply this to our future writing.  Thanks Devon, and thanks to everyone.  See you next week.

Theme Sentence: Even though it is nice to hear positive comments about your work, it is not helpful to grow and learn without constructive criticism.  And another lesson learned is to be prepared for class.

Revision Account:

            After presenting in class, I learned how much fun drama writing can be.  I had an absolute blast writing a script and presenting it in class.  Not to sound too proud, but I felt confident in my drama, and really believed that it would be great.  I was truly excited to see my play acted out by the actual people I envisioned while writing the skit. 

However, there is always room for improvement so here is what I changed-

·        First, I labeled the students and his or her character type.  I noticed many other people in class did that, so just in case there was any confusion, I wanted to take care of that.

·        After Sherry digs in her bag to get a tissue, I gave Lindsay another line to establish her true comedic emotional instability.

·        I also changed some contractions within the text

·        Sherry’s line (after the few seconds of silence) was too choppy so I made it easier to read

·        Jennifer and Daniel’s lines following were choppy too so I fixed those up

·        And on Devon’s last line, I added a like, just for fun

Like I said, I didn’t change much within my script because I really liked the way it turned out from the start.  I mostly just ironed out the kinks that everyone in class noticed.   

Summary-

I am so happy that I signed up for this class.  I never realized how much I missed writing until this semester.  I have learned so many new techniques and skills that have given me motivation to continue writing.  One thing I have realized and learned is that I need to share my work, not only with friends but with strangers.  I shouldn’t be shy or embarrassed to share my writing with people I don’t know because I will never get that “constructive criticism” I based my drama skit on.  I also should learn to be more sensitive towards poetry.  But the one thing I was most excited about learning was drama.  At the beginning of the semester Dr. White mentioned something about television script writing.  The thought of that intrigued me, so the opportunity to write a small script was amazing.  I really enjoyed writing characters and dialogue, but I totally enjoyed seeing my work acted out.  I will really miss this class, and the writing style it allowed me to achieve.  I know now that this doesn’t have to be the end, but the continuation of my writing career.