Bonnie Napoli

April 5, 2005

Allergic Reactions

Do not take the medicine! Do not take the ibuprofen! You know you are allergic. You do not know what could happen. Lucy sat at work and debated if the pain she was feeling was worth risking the pain taking those pills would bring. She was not sure if she was deathly allergic to the medicine, but never the less, she was allergic. This whole debate within her mind was only because she felt as if she were dying. This feeling was only because the great gift of womanhood sometimes brought the horrible gift of pain. Some women experience this pain every month, but not Lucy, until today. The only thing Lucy could imagine her pain to was the agony of childbirth. Lucy doesn't have kids, but she's seen plenty of those real life medical programs on the Discovery Health Channel. In her mind, and her mind only, this made her an expert on all things medical, which is ridiculous because she was still debating on whether or not to take the pill she knew she was allergic to.

Lucy decided to swallow one pill. How bad could it be? She popped it into her mouth, swallowed some water and went back to work. Not even ten minutes later, the reaction started. The itching was outrageous. Lucy scratched and scratched every inch of her face. The hives and bumps covered Lucy from the neck up. Gosh! She thought, I should have never taken that stupid pill. What kind of idiot am I?

Just then her boss, the perverted and macho man Mr. G approached her. "Jesus Lucy, you look like shit!" He had a great way of being so unprofessional.

"Thanks sir, I feel great." Lucy sarcastically replied.

"What the hell happened?"

"I don't know sir, I just don't feel good, in fact, I think I need to get out of here. Can I go home?"

"Dammit, I guess. You really look like shit you know, go home and get some rest."

"Oh, why thanks so much sir, see you later."

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Lucy got home and rushed by her mom. Her mom would have a conniption fit if she knew what Lucy did. All she wanted to do was go to bed.

For about the next two hours, the itching was unbearable. Lucy went after her face clawing at the hives trying to relieve the pain. Finally, she fell asleep. The sleep was restless and early in the morning she awoke with a deep thirst for water. The itching thankfully stopped and she was so happy that the whole ordeal was over.

She got up and went to the bathroom. As she was washing her hands, Lucy glanced up into the mirror and could not believe her eyes, or rather, face.

"My face! What's wrong!?" She gasped.

The incessant scratching, along with the allergic reaction, caused Lucy's face to swell up like a balloon. Her eyes were stretched and her cheeks were huge. It looked like two oranges were stuck in each of her cheeks. The diameter of her face was incredible. She looked ridiculous in a comedic way, yet she was scared. Past allergic reactions brought hives and itching, but never has her face plumped up like a basketball.

Lucy went into her parents' room and woke up her mom.

"Psst, Psst... Mom, wake up something is wrong."

"What? What's wrong sweetie?" Her mom got up and followed Lucy into the living room. She switched the lamp on and looked up at Lucy.

"AAAAHHHH!" Screamed Lucy's mom as Lucy bashfully looked at the floor with her fat face.

"Mom, I don't know what happened. Look at my face, what is wrong with it? I was at work and I had the worst cramps, so all we had in the first aid was ibuprofen and..."

"You didn't take it did you? Lucille Marie Dimicelli! You should know better than that!"

Lucy was in trouble now because her mom said the full name, not Lucy Marie, or Lucy Marie Dimicelli, but Lucille Marie Dimicelli. Here came the lecture. Lucy's mom sat in her recliner going on and on about how irresponsible she was and how dangerous risking life is and blah, blah, blah. Then, Lucy remembered she was still dying of thirst. So, adding some uh-huh's and yes m'am's, Lucy walked into the kitchen and got some water.

"You know ma," Lucy said, "Do you think this will go down by tomorrow? I hope so because I look like a pumpkin head."

There was no answer.

"Ma, I said I look like a pumpkin head, will this go down by tomorrow?"

Then Lucy heard a swoon form the living room, a "Gone with the Wind" type of sigh that came from her mother. Lucy ran into the other room where she found her mom unconscious sprawled out on the living room floor.

"Mom! Mom wake up! What's wrong?" She slapped her mom. Not hard, but in Lucy's mind all she could think was wow, I just slapped the crap out of my mom.

"Mom! Wake up!" Lucy's mom was breathing, but not waking up. Lucy began to freak out.

What do I do? What do I do? Dad! Go wake up dad! Lucy ran into her parents' room and screamed at the top of her lungs in a jumbled panic.

"Dad! Something's wrong with mom and she won't wake up and she passed out and I don't know what to do and I slapped her!"

"What is going on? What's wrong with your mother?" Lucy's father charged out of bed and ran into the living room almost knocking her over. As he ran in, his eyes adjusted to the light. He sat on his knees trying to wake up his unconscious wife. He scanned her up and down and as he looked at her eyes he asked Lucy, "What happened to your mother?" As he said this he looked up at Lucy, then back down at her mother. In a matter of no time his head whipped back up at Lucy.

"What in the hell happened to your face!?" Lucy's father was confused. Was he woken up because his wife passed out or because his daughter looked like a big basketball?

Both were extremely excited and Lucy cried in a fluster, "Look dad, my face is all messed up, I know, but I woke up to get a drink and got scared because my face is, well, you can see, so I woke mom up, and she saw it and I guess it scared her to death and so now she's passed out because... well look at me! Look at my face! What do we do? Call 911?"

Lucy got on the phone and dialed 911. Amongst all this excitement, Lucy thought, wow, I've never had a real 911 call before, hmm, cool. Quickly, Lucy stopped daydreaming realizing that bigger issues were at hand.

"Hello, 911, what's your emergency?"

Very maturely Lucy replied, "hello, my name is Lucy Dimicelli and I live at 214 Kelley Street. My mom collapsed and I slapped her. She won't wake up and you need to get here now because she isn't responding."

"Ma'm, please calm down, there is no need to panic. You said your mom is passed out and won't wake up?"

"Yes, that's what I said, and for the record, I am calm."

"Of course you are ma'm, someone will be there shortly."

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In a matter of minutes the ambulance was in the driveway. Two E.M.T.'s entered the house and put Lucy's mom on a stretcher. The paramedics got her to wake up and in a daze Lucy's mom shouted, "where am I going? I don't want to go to the hospital. I am fine! I just had a moment.

All of the medics kind of laughed, nodded, and said, "now, now, ma'm, just stay quiet and sit back." Lucy sat in the background watching the real life episode of Rescue 911 happening in front of her. Just like on the Discovery Health Channel, Lucy thought. Along with the paramedics, there were two cops in her house. She thought, why were cops there? Is that procedure? Just as she was thinking, both cops approached her.

As one poked at her face, (yes, the cop was poking at Lucy's swollen, fat, round face), he asked as he chuckled, "he, he, he, what's wrong with you little lady? Do you need to get on that ambulance with your momma?" As he continued to poke at Lucy's face, she kindly yet sarcastically replied, "No, I think I will be okay, thanks for the concern though."

"Are you sure?" The other cop added, "there's room for you and your momma, but we might have to call back up for your face. Ha, ha, ha! Just kidding doll."

"Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha..." Lucy laughed fake enough and the cops shrugged their shoulders and walked off.

"All right, we're going to the hospital. Lucy, will you be okay? I mean with your face and everything?" Lucy's dad saw the cop teasing her so he chuckled as he departed ways with his daughter.

"Yes, I will be fine. I just want to sleep. Be careful and call me if anything is tragic, okay? Bye."

As everyone exited the house, Lucy and her face couldn't wait to get to sleep. This was by far the weirdest experience. She settled in bed and heard the ambulance speed off. Finally she thought, peace and quiet. Wait, what is that ruckus? Lucy looked out of her window. The same two goofy cops that were inside her house were leaning against their squad cars carrying on a conversation.

"Well, I went fishing last week and boy we hit the limit!"

"Man that's nothing compared to..."

Lucy sat for what felt like two hours listening to these cops compare and contrast fishing stories with each other. She could not believe this. The whole night with her face and now she had to listen to the two Barney Fife's sitting in the driveway. Shouldn't you be fighting crime or something? She sat and thought and the phone ringing interrupted her annoyance with the officers.

"Hello?"

"Hello, I'm looking for someone by the name of Fat Head. Is she home? Ha! Just kidding Luce, it's me dad."

"Oh really, I couldn't tell." Lucy was seriously annoyed. She was so over the oversized head jokes.

"Mom's fine she had an iron deficiency, hypo-glycolic, glycemic, anemic, hell I don't know, I'm not a doctor. Regardless, she's fine and we'll be home later today. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"And your face?"

"Still huge."

"Okay, talk to you later."

"Bye."