CHAPTER XXIX. WE GO
FORWARD AGAIN. [Instructor’s note:
[29.1]
The strength of
Charlotte's constitution combated against her disorder, and she began slowly to
recover, though she still labored under a violent depression of spirits: how
must that depression be increased, when, upon examining her little store, she
found herself reduced to one solitary guinea
[21 shillings],
and that during her illness the attendance of an apothecary and nurse, together
with many other unavoidable expenses, had involved her in
debt, from which she saw no method of extricating herself. As to the
faint hope which she had entertained of hearing from and being relieved by her
parents; it now entirely forsook her, for it was above four months since her
letter was dispatched, and she had received no answer: she therefore imagined
that her conduct had either entirely alienated their affection from her, or
broken their hearts, and she must never more hope to receive their blessing.
[29.2]
Never did any human
being wish for death with greater fervency or with juster cause; yet she had too
just a sense of the duties of the Christian religion to attempt to put a period
to her own existence.
"I have but to be patient a little longer," she would cry, "and nature, fatigued
and fainting, will throw off this heavy load of mortality, and I shall be
released from all my sufferings."
[29.3]
It was one cold
stormy day in the latter end of December, as Charlotte sat by a handful of fire,
the low state of her finances not allowing her to replenish her stock of fuel,
and prudence teaching her to be careful of what she had, when she was surprised
by the entrance of a farmer's wife, who, without much ceremony, seated herself,
and began this curious harangue.
[29.4]
"I'm come to see if as how you can
pay your rent, because as how we hear
Captain Montable is gone away, and it's fifty to one if he b'ant killed afore he
comes back again; an then, Miss, or Ma'am, or whatever you may be, as I was
saying to my husband,
where are we to
look for our money?"
[29.5]
This was a stroke
altogether unexpected by Charlotte: she knew so little of the ways of the world
that she had never bestowed a thought on the payment for the rent of the house;
she knew indeed that she owed a good deal, but this was never reckoned among the
others: she was thunder-struck; she hardly knew what answer to make, yet it was
absolutely necessary that she should say something; and judging of the
gentleness of every female disposition by her own, she thought the best way to
interest the woman in her favor would be to tell her candidly to what a
situation she was reduced, and how little probability there was of her ever
paying any body.
[29.6]
Alas poor Charlotte,
how confined was her knowledge of human nature, or she would have been convinced that the only way to insure the
friendship and assistance of your surrounding acquaintance is to convince them
you do not require it, for when once the petrifying aspect of distress and
penury appear, whose qualities, like Medusa's head, can change to stone all that
look upon it; when once this Gorgon claims acquaintance with us, the phantom of
friendship, that before courted our notice, will vanish into unsubstantial air,
and the whole world before us appear a barren waste. Pardon me, ye dear spirits
of benevolence, whose benign smiles and cheerful-giving hand have strewed sweet
flowers on many a thorny path through which my wayward fate forced me to pass;
think not, that, in condemning the unfeeling texture of the human heart, I
forget the spring from whence flow an the comforts I enjoy: oh no! I look up to
you as to bright constellations, gathering new splendors from the surrounding
darkness; but ah! whilst I adore the benignant rays that cheered and illumined
my heart, I mourn that their influence cannot extend to all the sons and
daughters of affliction.
[29.7]
"Indeed, Madam," said poor
[29.8]
"Charity," cried the
woman impatiently interrupting her, "charity indeed: why, Mistress, charity
begins at home, and I have seven children at home, HONEST, LAWFUL children, and
it is my duty to keep them; and do you think I will give away my property to a
nasty, impudent hussy, to maintain her and her bastard; an I was saying to my
husband the other day what will this world come to; honest women are nothing
now-a-days, while the harlotings are set up for fine ladies, and look upon us no
more nor the dirt they walk upon: but let me tell you, my fine spoken Ma'am, I must have my money; so seeing
as how you can't pay it, why you must troop, and leave all your fine gimcracks
and fal der ralls
[falderols or trifles]
behind you.
I don't
ask for no more nor my right, and nobody shall dare for to go for to hinder
me of it."
[29.9]
"Oh heavens," cried
[29.10]
"Come on ye!"
retorted the unfeeling wretch: "why go to the barracks and work for a morsel of
bread; wash and mend the soldiers clothes, an cook their victuals, and not
expect to live in idleness on honest people's means. Oh I wish I could see the day when all such cattle were obliged to work
hard and eat little; it's only what they deserve."
[29.11]
"Father of mercy," cried
[29.12]
"Well," said the
woman, "I shall go an tell my husband as how you can't pay; and so d'ye see,
Ma'am, get ready to be packing away this very night, for you should not stay
another night in this house, though I was sure you would lay in the street."
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