LITR 3731: Creative Writing
Student Journal / Portfolio Sample Submission 2003
David Moore
12-01-03
Journal/ Portfolio
The contents of my journal are arranged chronologically with the semester including an overview of my experiences in creative writing. The following pages include a complete and detailed account of the development of all my submissions and revisions. My fiction piece accounts for the majority of the revisions done to my writing works. Pages six through nine of the fiction piece received the majority of the changes, and a small foreshadowing addition was created at the end of the opening paragraph. The drama submission acquired small final changes but is almost identical to the original oral submission. The poetry submission has no new changes outside of the revisions previously done. I included an extra poem in the appendix hoping to acquire one last critique.
My journal describes the stressful process of my writing experience. I have provided detailed accounts of my desires for each work and critiqued my final products. I have included the helpful critiques of my classmates and professor. The education I received through my participation in creative writing will go beyond my writing. The goals and expectations I had prior to the class changed drastically during the semester. The benefits have ultimately outweighed the anxiety that was created during these four months. The learning was gradual and sometimes not that obvious, but during the process of reflection over the semester I would not trade literature 3731 for any other class. The writer inside of me lives on. A new direction has been inspired and a passion for a new genre established.
Poetry Journal
The poem "Fictitious Realities" began development during a spontaneous creative rhyming session in my car. I often become bored, when driving in my car, due to the absence of a stereo, and I make up short stanzas. The opening stanza began on a trip to my friend’s house in Sugar land. I was driving down beltway 8 and started thinking about how people in general create the person they are in life in response to what they have seen or heard from other people. The psychology term for the idea is modeling. The concept has to do with observing people's views or actions and mocking or imitating those actions based on our perception of the consequences of those actions. People make assessments on whether to reject or accept a set of behaviors based on already established paradigms existing within their minds. The paradigm one adopts as their own is constructed through societal influences such as school, church, parents, friends and a countless number of other influential forces. My poem is centered on this concept. My thought on the concept was to completely reject the forces which pull us in a certain direction and instead seek to go towards a unique individual place where no boundaries in the mind exist. The idea is actually a utopian point of view because people will always make judgments of right and wrong even if we believe it is right to believe in no right or wrong. The poem's message was an attempt to make people question the paradigms existing within their self and where those constructs came from. The opening stanza, which was created in the car is "the perceptual conceptual reality within is guised with lies told by men".
My presentation of the poem in class was filled with anxiety and insecurity. I had never read one of my poems to a group of unknown people, whose purpose was to critique. The response to my poem was much better than what I had anticipated, but I do not think the point of the poem was conveyed. The overall strength of the poem seemed to be the rhythmic pattern, which seems to be lost when the poem is read silently. The poem is more of a performance piece. The arena of a slam session in a coffee shop would be ideal. Dr. White revealed the idea to me in his email critique. The class pointed out errors in phrases and unnecessary words that were merely cluttering the work. The original poem had light shines in the fifth stanza which I completely took out. The last line had fictional realities full of clout which was changed to fictitious realities of clout. The changes were made to help the flow of the rhythmic pattern. At least one person seemed offended by the last line of the poem where I am seemingly telling people to stop believing. The reality of the message is to know why and what you believe therefore stopping belief in false realities previously accepted as truth. I see how the whole idea is a little confusing and I wish I could have conveyed it with simple images left open more to interpretation versus slamming people with the concept putting them on the defensive. My style of poem writing has always been more focused on the concept and rhythm versus creating visual images that is something I am working on. The poem has not been changed from the revised version I submitted for my grade. The restructuring I had already done felt sufficient for me. I will work out the minor flaws in the closing stanza at some time in the future, but as for now I like the poem the way it is. The concept of the poem is the important part to me and I might try to convey the message in a latter work more subtly using only images. The original version of the poem is written below followed by a link to the version I submitted for a grade.
Fictitious Realities
The perceptual conceptual
reality within,
is guised with lies told by men.
Taking and making and finding the course
means,
accepting or rejecting another’s
force.
Slipping sands, down the hour glass,
clouds ones mind from their sunken cast.
Fading away in history,
How does one know what they see?
Implying and describing a diluted truth,
means
persuading or defaming another’s
proof.
Standing alone or accepting the norms,
nothing escapes mind altering storms.
Clouds rolling in with sky’s full of
gray
when does light shine scattering thieves
away?
Stolen even moldy thoughts from men,
causes old carcasses to rise up and win.
Question and doubt quickly cast out
Stop believing fictional realities full
of clout.
Fiction Journal
The fiction short story that I submitted through email draft exchange was entitled "Wish I Was Fishin". The story's development was created based on a life experience, which taught me a profound lesson. The story I submitted never reaches the point where I learned the life lesson, but the story is not finished. The lesson I wanted to convey was that you never know how hard someone’s day has been therefore being friendly and kind to people in spite of yourself can be beneficial to the whole of society. The next scene in the story involves a trip to the hardware store where a clerk is asked for help by Kevin and Randy, who have been attempting to save an infants life moments before going into the store. The clerk is very short and rude causing Kevin to breakdown into tears due to his inability to handle anymore stress. The lesson is learned through the clerk’s unprofessional behavior. The scene I submitted ended at the accident and I thought could stand alone, but could be made better with the additional scene. I have ultimately decided that I could make the scenes into chapters in an adolescent novel. I choose to write about something I knew and had experienced because of my discussion started in class. I asked the class if you could only write about what you knew. The answer seemed to be an overwhelming yes. Land surveying was something I had done for years and there were plenty of interesting stories to draw from. I decided on the accident scene partially because of the action and more so for the lesson learned. I had never written a short story before and I came to realize that I enjoyed the format even more than writing poetry. The process of developing characters and figuring out how they would react to situations and each other intrigues me. The hard part for me is developing the scene in a way the reader can visualize what is going on. My tendency in both fiction and poetry is focusing more on the point or lesson, while leaving out the visual and auditory descriptions which could encourage the reader to appreciate the lesson. The writing process began with me wanting to achieve a few words on the page to start from. I began with the early morning ride in the truck to a job site. I did not change anything from the first paragraph I wrote. I knew where I wanted the story to end and tried to rush the scene to that point. The scene seemed to have a will of its own. I began remembering small details of surveying and wanted to include everything, which was impossible for the assignment and would have been boring for the reader. The story I submitted was one that I was proud of, but I knew there was room for improvement.
The email draft exchange was hard for me as a procrastinator who is a computer illiterate therefore I printed out paper copies and gave them to a couple of students in class. I received responses from Will and Jason. Jason said he enjoyed the story and the humor that was involved. The most beneficial part for me was his critique of the grammar. I had many problems with punctuation and the misuse of a few words. Jason pointed a few of these out, and I corrected the story accordingly. I asked Jason if he thought the story was too depressing or over dramatic. Jason's thoughts were that there was a good balance between the surveying portion and the wreck. Will thought the characterization was good and the story overall was good. Will pointed out more grammar mistakes and showed me how to fix the paragraph structure. He explained how after each new person speaks there should be a new paragraph, something I did not know. Will agreed with Jason by stating there was a good balance between the wreck and the surveying. The most beneficial critique I received was from Dr. White after I turned in the paper for a grade. The most important thing that I changed in response to the critique deals with the wreck scene. Dr. White wanted to see what the scene of the wreck looked like. I had brushed over many of the details since I could see the wreck in my mind. I have revised the wreck scene attempting to breathe a little more life into the words. I think I have corrected the scene in such a way that the reader can have a better view of the whole situation. The other main correction I made was in regards to the eighteen wheeler. The big rig is now a flat-bed truck because Dr. White thought an eighteen wheeler was a bit unbelievable. The story has benefited from the critiques immensely. I hope to still do more revisions on the story and finish the additional scenes. I would appreciate any extra feedback on the stories development particularly pages six through eight and the additions I made in the opening paragraph. I no longer have a copy of a version earlier than the story I submitted for a grade, but I will include a page from the version I have. The majority of the revisions are in the last three pages of my fiction. I did make changes to the opening paragraph therefore I have included a copy of the original for comparison with the revised one.
Wish I Was Fishin
Traveling down back county roads with Randy early on a summer morning was nothing new for me. Sleep balls are still stuck in my eyes from waking up to late. I could hardly keep my eyes open with the humming of rubber on pavement singing me sweet lullabies. The twang of redneck music on the radio helped by annoying me enough to keep my brain occupied. I think we’re going to some plot of land to see if we can find any property corners to help tie a new survey in with an old one; we did last summer. Land surveying isn't so bad. I can make descent cash until school starts back up and each day brings new experiences. One hour I could be out in the woods killing moccasins with my machete, and in the next couple of hours I am measuring up some rich person's lot who wants their asshole neighbors to move a fence. Man I wish he would change the station. I'm tired of hearing about some guy losing his wife, his truck, and his dog because he wasn't a good enough man or something.
"Hey, Kevin look for county road 68. The sign might be on a fence post or something and I don't want to miss it."
Drama Journal
The drama scene produced more stress in the prewriting stages than any of the other work done during the semester. The idea of having to produce a work so far outside of my realm of experience seemed impossible. I have never been in a drama class and have seen only a handful of plays. The assignment's stress level was depreciated, when an understanding of the parameters were better established. The examples given by Dr. White helped tremendously in that area. The flaw in hearing work from one perspective is that the possibilities greatly out number the insight that was given by one individual. The wide spectrum of ideas produced by the class would have had more of an impact on my assignment if I had not presented the first day. The scene I created reflects the scenes I was shown by Dr. White. My idea was to create a real situation that would exist in a normal class day using students who would reflect the attitudes of my characters. I began with the simple idea of a conversation between me and Jason discussing surfing. The idea seemed simple and the dialect is something I know. The initial problem arose out of the dialect I thought of. Surfers talk in ways that an outsider may not have knowledge of therefore I needed to make the speech accessible to a wider audience. My choice was to balance the surfer lingo with a casual speech that would seem laid back. The next obstacle was to create a way for the required third character to enter the surfer’s conversation. The conflict I was having translated into conflict in the scene. The story began to take shape when the decision to make the third character, who was originally Robert but changed to Enrique, become the judgmental outsider questioning the plausibility of surfing in Texas. The argument came to me from all my past experiences with people doing the same thing. The last problem I faced in the development of the story was creating the required physical action. I took the easy way out by having the students gather up their folders in search of their syllabuses at the end of the scene. The concept sentence and theme sentence were added after the scene was finished. The concept sentence is a specific description of the scene, while the theme sentence is a universal lesson revealed throughout the drama. The concept sentence is objective, and the theme sentence is subjective. Both sentences helped describe the scene to reader's creating an image of what they were being shown. The drama scene may have been stressful in the prewriting stage, but the actual process of writing the scene took less time than any other assignment. I found the drama scene to be the most interesting and entertaining assignment overall, and the class as a whole seemed to produce a higher quality of work than on previous assignments.
The first day of drama presentations arrived and I was the first to present. I thought my drama was decent but I did not know how students would react. The presentation went well even though I did not give the scripts to the participants until right before class. The scene was easier to critique, when different voices were reading the parts. Everyone found the scene more humorous than even I did. People laughed in places I expected and in some places I did not. The criticism's focus was on the dialogue. Some words needed to be removed and longer lines needed to be split up or taken out. The criticism has helped the piece's flow. I made minor changes due to the overall good response by the class. The main strength of the work was the subject matter. The surfer's world was being revealed to many people for the first time and the insight proved to be entertaining. I think the main flaw in the piece was the length of some of the lines, which dragged on during the performance. The last and most drastic change I made was the title. I changed the title from "Casual Conversation Interrupted" to "Clashing Waves". Clash was suggested in class, but I preferred "Clashing Waves", which alludes to the argument and to surfing in a more obvious way. Further suggestions on any improvements to the drama would be appreciated. If I am ever teaching a young class I would like to have them perform the piece to view the drama as an outsider instead of a participant. The change that was made to the preceding page illustrates one of the minor changes I made to my drama piece. The part that has been taken out is in bold letters.
An earlier draft "Clashing Waves"
Characters: Jason, David, Enrique, Dr. White
Concept sentence:
Two students are discussing a common interest, when they are interrupted and judged by another student.
Theme sentence:
Being tactful and considerate while expressing one's opinion can be difficult for most people.
Jason: (sits at desk and looks up at David, while he sits down) Hey, how’s it going.
David: Pretty good, how about yourself?
Jason: As good as it’s going to get.
David: Did you get to the beach this weekend or what?
Jason: Yeah, man it was going off!
David: Did you just stay in Galveston?
Jason: As always.
David: How big were the waves?
Jason: Dude, they were like chest to head with good form.
Progress Summary
Creative writing appeared under literature in the fall schedule, while I was deciding what my last experience as an undergraduate student should be. I thought creative writing would be a class I could excel in and enjoy with the smallest amount of effort. My expectations would prove to exist some where in fantasy land. Creative writing has made me question and doubt not only my writing ability but also my intelligence. I entered into the class thinking I had an obvious natural ability, and my shining talent would be apparent to everyone. I had visions of the professor reading my poetry as an example for the class while demanding publication. My grandiose thinking was founded in the shallow praise of friends and family who had read some of my poems. Those misconstrued ideas were quickly squashed during the first day of poetry readings. I listened intently to the students words and could feel the intensity of their verse. I knew at that point my poetry writing was nothing more than a hobby. I heard the students make references to books and authors I had never read or heard of. The class was full of literature majors who produced volumes of work over the years. I started writing poems at the age of 18 and never enjoyed reading until college. Almost all the books I read were for my classes in psychology and sociology--these people read the great novels for pleasure. I felt extremely under equipped for the workshop experience. My confidence throughout the semester climbed gradually, but never to the place where I felt my opinion was beneficial to any of the students. I considered my strongest genre to be poetry because of the practice I had in the past, but today I consider short story writing my favorite. The development of a plot and setting with interactions between my characters is challenging. The one or two page poems can say volumes about life in short amount of space. I can not even conceive the amount of things I could convey in a well thought out fiction. I have even thought of using short story writing in psychotherapy. The idea of having children or even adults open up and reveal their inner thoughts through the telling of a story could have a profound impact. I noticed in class how people's personalities and thoughts could be seen in their writing. I think creative writing could be a useful therapeutic tool. The process of putting words together and creating something out of a blank page is extremely personal. I never would have seen the possibilities of writing if I had not chosen to take creative writing. I am honestly considering developing a thesis for graduate school based on creative writing as a psychologist’s avenue into the psyche. My goal in the class was initially based on writing improvement and publication, but my direction has changed immensely. The writing done in our class was painful and submissions needed to be revised and revised in order to develop a quality piece of work. What if people were writing as fast as they could for thirty minutes with no revisions or desires to be published? The product could be profound insights into the person's mind that would have taken weeks or months of therapy to reveal. I no longer want or think I could be one of the great writers of the day or even have a published book, but I do think everyone has a great novel inside of them. The key to quality writing is practice and with the help of honest constructive criticism a piece of crap could be turned into gold. I think people in our class might have been more honest in smaller groups or even better with anonymous written critiques. The class has benefited me in many different ways. The most important one personally is the idea of creative writing in therapy. I believe my writing will continue to improve as long as I keep writing. Hearing other people's writing style and listening to what people like and dislike about my style has been a great experience.
Appendix
I think I covered all of the areas on the syllabus for my journal, and my email draft exchanges were described earlier. The only other business I have is to thank you Dr. White for a great last semester even though it definitely was not what I expected. I have to ask you for one more critic if you have time. The poem is something I wrote a couple of years back and I would appreciate your honest opinion.
Understanding
I am a believer who has disbelief.
I am a teacher who is a student.
I am a follower who is a leader.
I am a masculine man who has feminine feelings.
I am a dreamer who loses his dream.
I am a warrior who has the innocence of a child.
I am a lover who harbors hate.
I am a trusting friend who manipulates.
I am an honest boy who lies to men.
I am a loyal companion who has cheated.
I am a simple minded individual with complex ideas.
I am a hypocrite who seeks the truth.
By D. Moore