LITR 3731: Creative Writing
Student Journal / Portfolio Sample Submission 2003

Giselle Hewitt

Introduction:  

I have many ambitions in life – mostly to make an impact on those around me.  I feel most from my classes will remember me as a shy, quiet student with very little to add to class conversation, if they remember me at all.  I am not shy (in fact those who really know me would tell you they have difficulty stopping me from my ramble).  I love speech and have always enjoyed giving class presentations.  However, I have found it more nerve racking to share my creative work for numerous reasons. 

First, it is difficult to share my creative writing because I tend to write from a very personal standpoint and sometimes it is hard to share this experience with others.  But I feel I could perhaps make a difference if I could share.  Those close to me would probably describe me to be passionate and very intense.  I think this has also made it difficult to share my creative work because it tends to be deep and sometimes I have held back because I fear that I will scare off the audience. 

I have always been a very strong academic writer, but I tend to lack confidence in my creative writing.  I had a collection of poetry published a few years ago, and have won several poetry contests.  I know that it is good – I just question whether it is good enough.  These are the things I wanted to try to work on with this class.  I also wanted a setting that would force me to step outside of poetry. 

 

Poem:  To Burn

Poetry is the genre I felt most comfortable about entering into this class.  The poem I chose to present in class “To Burn” was originally written January 4, 2000.  The major question for me about this poem was whether the imagery of the fire and the intensity of the disgust portray these types of emotions accurately.  In other words, does the imagery work? 

I wrote “To Burn” in a state of anger and pain.  A close friend, lover – broke my trust, and as I took my morning shower watching the steam fill the room these were the ideas in my mind.  I was a little scared to read this poem in the very beginning and contemplated choosing another several times.  Then I felt that if I was going to be nervous about reading my work in class anyhow I might as well choose a poem that would make me very nervous.  I guess I thought if I stripped to the highest level of vulnerability then it couldn’t get much worse than that. 

I was nervous for more than one reason – first I wasn’t sure how the class would take the subject matter.  Sometimes people make assumptions about a person before getting to know them – this being the beginning of class, and not being able to read people first this was a little difficult.  Also I was a little scared people would look into the poem the wrong way.  I had a sister who told me she was a “little concerned” after reading this poem that I might be thinking about “doing something stupid”.   She obviously didn’t get the point of the poem, and I wondered if others would make the same mistake. 

I was very relieved when reading Dr. White’s first response.  He made a reference to keeping the consistency of the fire image throughout by working on the final line of the poem.  Instead of saying “erase this memory”, he suggested a finish to the fire image.  (And he made no recommendations to see a psychiatrist.)  I was also very relieved at the overall response I received from the class.  In general, it seemed most enjoyed the imagery, and felt it was effective.  And all seemed to understand the basic idea of the poem. 

Originally when writing this poem I had the image of washing away a bad memory, but it was more than just washing.  It was washing so hard that when the person would look in the mirror they would no longer see anything that would remind them of the other person good or bad.  The relationship was not the only thing destroyed, but the entire memory had been tainted.  I felt it was important to not portray a relationship that was all bad because most relationships have elements of both in different quantities.  I wanted to show how the bad had engulfed all that was once good.  I wanted to show the process of healing.  In the beginning it goes from wanting to forget – to remembering a good moment – to finishing the cleansing process. 

The main revision is based on Dr. White’s first critique of the final line “erase this memory”.   The class gave several good suggestions such as “char” and “singe”, but ultimately I decided to take out “scar” from the second line making the final line “scar this memory”.  Then I changed “scar” to “blister” in the second line.  First, I felt “scar” probably worked better as a final point instead of in the beginning, and “blister” seemed like it added more meaning to “feel the pain” in the rest of that line.  I also liked the sound of “…burn…blister…breathe…” in the beginning of the poem.  This was the only revision I made.  There were a few suggestions to maybe add more to the middle, but I felt by adding more it would get away from the pace of the pain.


            Link to Poetry Submission

I had a couple of additional poems in my submission.  I feel the poem that is probably the closest to the intensity of “To Burn” is the poem “when She hit my smile”.  I was trying to encompass the feeling a child feels when they are being abused and all those around who are meant to be helpers leave without seeing the truth.  This poem was written a lot more recently than “To Burn”, and was chosen for publication in the 2004 Biosphere.

Fiction: Injected Memories

The first version of “Injected Memories” was a short personal narrative written in my first semester at UHCL for Advanced Writing.  After graduating with my AA in 1999 and a few other circumstances, I moved out of state to Wisconsin.  While in Wisconsin I did very little writing.  The two paragraphs, and the last ones were taken from this narrative.  I took out the entire middle and expanded on the ideas. 

This story began as non-fiction, so my biggest difficulty in the beginning was working it in as a fiction.  Changing the character names was the first step I took in distancing the story.  Even though all of the major details in the fiction are taken from real life, it really helped using other names to detaching.  I was a little nervous about sharing this story since I am so close to it, but this is the story I have really wanted to begin for many years.  I feel having this beginning will make it easier to work on it more. 

The major revision I made from the first draft was to show more of the abuse rather than to tell about it.  I really enjoyed working on this piece and did a lot better on it than I initially thought that I would.  I think my biggest fear about the piece was that it read too fast, but I did feel like the pace helped intensify the emotions that were felt by Lee and her sisters.  In an abusive home, things tend to happen very fast and actions often seem sporadic and quick.  As Corrie pointed out in her reply there are “learned, obsessive-like behaviors” and I tried to be consistent with this throughout the fiction piece. 

A second revision was to add a sentence in the transition paragraph between the memory of Mamma and Wisconsin.  This paragraph overall gave me the most problems because when I wrote it I was trying to find a short way of showing the memory to the solution, but will probably go back and change or add more to this idea later.  A coworker pointed out that in this paragraph that she felt there needed to be something in between when Lee first heard that her childhood wasn’t “normal” to her wanting to run.  I decided that by having the friend describe what was considered to be normal – Lee would then become angry.  This revision seems to work for now. 

I also feel that the final paragraph needs some work.  It puts too much of a positive “live happily ever after” spin to the story, and this isn’t reality.  I am working on possible revisions to this ending, focusing on the suggestion of Dr. White about bringing the “back and hand” from the beginning back in.

            Link to Fiction Submission

In my fiction submission I also included a piece called “The Difference is in the Packaging”.  I wrote this piece as part of a Cultural Anthropology assignment where we were to write a short essay showing things that our parents told us that shaped who we are.  I wanted to show how an abusive home shapes a child’s understanding of the world.  I included this piece because I really enjoyed writing it.  “The Difference is in the Packaging” was chosen for publication in the 2004 Biosphere (this and “when She hit my smile” were both pieces I felt least likely to be chosen). 

I also wanted to point out that “when She hit my smile”, “Injected Memories”, and “The Difference is in the Packaging” all included CPS in them.  This was not intentional, but I thought it was very interesting how something can make such an impact on us that it becomes an ingredient in everything we do.

 

Drama:  Thank God for Scantron

This skit was very fun for me to write.  I do feel it wrote a lot quicker than the fiction.  In the past five years I have acted in several plays (including two parts in musical theatre), and the form seemed very familiar and this made it very easy to write.  I feel the subject matter also made it an easy topic to write since we are in college and often find ourselves in these test taking predicaments.  All of these voices were variations of myself, but also feel that most college students have had similar experiences.  I really didn’t have an idea when I started writing.  A friend of mine suggested I do something on test anxiety, and from that idea all I could think of was all the things that normally run through my mind during an exam. 

In the end I wanted to show how that even if you know the answers the idea that you are going to be graded on your knowledge is very anxiety provoking.  When I first wrote this drama skit I wrote all of the things I remember saying to myself, and then later tried to fit the sayings into characters so that the variety of students is shown.  So you have the student who’s personal life is very busy and they can think of nothing else, the student who didn’t even attempt to study and thinks of just passing, the student who has difficulty focusing, the student who gets into a philosophical debate about a question instead of answering, the student who has problems answering the question because they don’t understand what is being asked, the student who focuses their choice on statistics… and then students with a variety of the above characteristics.

In my revision I fixed two minor errors, and italicized the actions so that they would stand out more.

Link to Drama Submission

Thank God for Scantron (Early Draft)

College classroom – taking exam – show anxiety…

  • Series of letters – maybe something like “I haven’t used an E in a while”
  • I wonder if he would let me sharpen my pencil again.
  • Thinking about paying bills, maybe something about picking up kids
  • I wonder what happens if I don’t fill in the bubbles all the way.
  • D: a and c, but not b… E: all of the above
  • 50 questions, 2 points each… I need a 72 to pass… so I need…etc
  • question: sociological implications… ?  maybe about Weber
  • Thank God for Scantron
  • How did you do? – Don’t know see when I get it back… end.

Conclusion:

Overall, I feel I did well with this class.  I do not think I have reached all of my potential, perhaps because of time constraints.  I do feel as a creative writer I have something and that I should try to develop it more.  I received very good responses overall, and this has helped me a lot.  Since I am graduating this semester, I have thought about using all this new time I’m going to have to work on developing some of the things I have started. 

 

In the beginning of the course I felt my strongest genre would be poetry, but over the semester I have felt increasingly excited about the potential for fiction writing.  I still do not know if I have the ability to make an impact on readers, but I would like to try.  I think the best thing that I have learned in the course was looking at taking something that really happened and making it a piece of fiction.  By taking something that is very close to me and changing a few minor details like character name I have been able to distance myself and write a piece that I feel has some potential. 


The main reason for taking this course was to gain the confidence needed to share my personal story and I feel I have gained a lot.  It was a very positive experience.  I think my biggest problem was that I wanted more people to give me more negative feedback so I had more to work on fixing.  I was not a very enthusiastic responder, but I have found this to be a very difficult thing for me.  I am not a very good editor in that I can’t tell you why something isn’t right to me, but I can tell you if it doesn’t grab me or if it didn’t work.  I also probably would have responded more if I had a little more free time, this was a very hectic semester (just as I am sure it was for all in the class). 

 

I do not know what I will do successfully after this class, but I do know that I am going to try to develop my creative writing skills.  I would love to continue to write, and attempt at publication.  I have really enjoyed the structure and content of the class. 

Appendix: 

Re: Giselle Hewitt:  To Burn

Dear Giselle, I admired the continuing development of "To Burn," especially the resolution of the final image into consistency with the other imagery. The other poems show a lot of strong moods and feelings, from humor to love to pain. The rhythm of the language doesn't work at all points, but where it does work it shows a fine combination of lightness and firmness of step. This rhythmic quality is abetted by a generally clear syntax and pointed imagery. – Dr. White

Re: Giselle Hewitt: Injected Memories

·        Hi, Thank you for submitting your fiction essay to me. I really liked the opening paragraph and the part about the letter to the judge. Very unique imagery. ~Kelly

·        I always enjoy reading your work.  your tone is subtle and consistent, and your content is not mundane or fantastical.  a very good thing, in my opinion.  I only noticed a couple of grammatical things ("two pair of socks" should be "pairs") - will.

  • This is good!  A few glitches with commas and verb agreements, but I fixed these in this version.  In other places I edited just a bit to add some action or zing.  For example, when you talked about the fire incident, instead of saying "she poured," may try something stronger like "sloshed" or "gushed."  Really, you did a great job.  Writer to writer, you are the artist of your own words, so if you aren't happy with my edits, I won't be crushed if you don't keep them. ---Hope this helps!   Amiko (sister)

·        This reads very well.  The only problem I came across is in the transition of the paragraph where the narrator is talking to their friend and realizes that their life isn’t “normal”.  I think you need something between the lines:  * “That isn’t normal,” she said with a look of revulsion.  /  And I became angry. *  Not sure what you need, but something to show what made the narrator angry.  This is the only part I stumbled on.  Sylvia (coworker)

  • I'm really sorry to be so late getting back to you on this, when you sent it to me ages ago. 

    First of all, wow.  That's a really powerful story, and it flows beautifully.  I'm attaching the text with some highlighted suggestions.  I hope it helps. -Brandie

 

  • Giselle, There are a couple of things that stand out as really great that I hope through your editing process you are still keeping. For example, you capture the learned, obsessive-like behaviors of an abused child very well.  Lee’s coloring “inside the lines,” correlates in perfect symmetry with the accuracy required in the towel folding.  Good technique. Very intense emotion in this piece, and I think a very challenging approach with the various memories inside of one frame--- I like it. And I like the sense of moving on…the sense of growth with time, and that perspective changes.  –Corrie

Dear Giselle, I too remember three as green. Therefore four's were blue. My favorite colors are green and blue together. They turned out to be the colors of UHCL-I knew I belonged when the mailbox UHCL assigned me was 343. It's still one of my favorite parts of every day to approach my mailbox. Now I'm starting to write like you-but my content's comparatively trivial, while your content matters. Yet part of the interest of the style is that, as you comment in the transition to your friend's and your reaction, you also always maintain some distance. The same was true of your poem-as though the present you see is the past you’re feeling (or refusing to feel, or wondering whether or what to feel).

Your piece is evolving well, and I hope you continue to work on it. Your extensions of the middle are all good. My advice for the next move is to try to reconcile the end with the beginning. Your reader is (and also maybe you are) confused about the possible opening episode in which your dad appears to be the bad guy with the hand in your back, and the end where things seem to be rethought. Try to do something with the hand and back again at the end?

A very interesting stylistic oddity was your use of "she" for your mother, even when there were other "she's" about. The first couple of times the English teacher in me wanted to scream, but then it worked as a reflection of the child's mind.

I want to make a lot of other suggestions, but they're all on the margins, or all extensions of what you're already doing, and you'll need to find ways to do them in your own style, because you have a style. Keep exercising. It's hard to tell how greatly gifted you are at this point, but you do have a gift, and we won't know unless you give it every chance.