LITR 3731 Creative Writing UHCL journal / portfolio sample submission 2003

When I first started this class I was confident in my ability to compose literature, yet, I believe that it was a shadow of confidence that I felt. For now, after the course presented, I feel a new level of confidence and understanding in creating literature. The reason for this will be described in the examples of my works below. But first, let me describe some of the events of my life that has led me up to this conclusion.

I started writing poetry when I was young. I do not know if I had this fascination with poetry and short stories because I was a child, or if it was some genetic construction that granted me the desire and drive to write. If there was anything in this world that I always wanted to do, it was writing. I love to write. Too bad I did not really know how. In high school most children honed their ability to write, I was struggling to stay in school. Not because I was a bad student, but because school bored me and I did not have the self-control to pay attention. Yet, for some reason, I still wrote. Writing seemed to be my way out. Writing seemed to be my mode of venting. As time progressed I kept writing. My younger days in college provided me with some inspiration and guidance through poetry teachers. However, my fiction writing was lacking. And, although writing poetry was nice, it was not the goal I had in mind. I wanted to be a novelist; I wanted to be an acclaimed writer of fictional novels. A couple of years ago I met a gentleman by the name of Tony Digeralamo. Tony was a comedic writer for Bill Marr’s show. I believe it was called Politically Incorrect, but I do not remember. Tony was also a publicized author of a rather simple novel called The Fix. He became a long distance tutor guiding me through some basic principles of fiction writing: Dialogue, character development, and plot. The biggest problem was finishing something.

And that is where this class comes in. This class has forced me to finish short stories. This constrained focus has forced me to bear through the details and be patient enough to finish. It showed me what the end could be. And this completion has given me a new found confidence that I did not posses upon entering into the classroom.

The other factor in this course that helped was the Minot book. As corny as it may sound, the book explained things that I have not learned before. It defined aspects that, until this class, I had glanced over in reading other works, aspects such as powerful openings in short story, and the plot development key points. These factors helped me gain confidence in my writing because they assisted in filling in holes of my writing knowledge. Unfortunately, I have a few more holes to fill.

In the future, I would like to work in filling in these gaps of knowledge. Be a little more real with my dialog and a little more real with my scenes. I would like to be able to have a continuous plot that is both exiting and realistic. I would like to be able to write a novel. I would like to be published. These are my goals and I believe that this class has put me one step closer to fulfilling those goals. These are the goals that, due to the confidence gained, are closer to finality.

Poetry has been my strong point for many years. Inspired by Poe, Shakespeare, Dickinson, and many other poets of ages past, I began to write poetry at a young age. As I grew my education grew, and this was reflected in the quality of composition.

When I started writing Color of Life for the first day presentation, I had one theme in mind, color. I wanted something that was rich in the imagery of color. I wanted vibrant markings in words that would spring up at you and enthrall you. Throw into the mix a little emotion and the Color of Life was born. In class I gave an explanation of the meaning. I will give a quick synopsis of the meaning here.

The first stanza reflects the loss of innocence. Life green with experience is a life that is fresh and pure. Think of virgin fields of flowing grass waving in the wind. The serenity and peacefulness of the meadow become the innocence of the meaning, but that innocence is marred by the red guild stain of birth, or abortion, or rape. Any act that would jeopardize innocence and leave behind a stain of blood could be described by the fist part of the stanza. The stanza continues and clarifies the sentiment with burdened by the wet knowledge tears that run like rain. The pain is real and is present.

The second stanza is the transition between innocence and corruption of knowledge, much in the same fashion of the first stanza. But while the first stanza states that a problem existed in mater of fact language, the second stanza reaffirms it with a common sense approach. The approach of innocence lost is something that can not be regained.

The third stanza means simple that some people hold their pain inside of them. They hold the pain until their world dissolves into an inky black world of self doubt. The forth stanza agrees with that sentiment but it offers hope, a severance of the doubt. We can let go.

The fifth stanza tells us what will happen when we release the dark doubt. The stanza shows us that there are better places to be then in dark self despair. The sixth and seventh stanza makes a call to action. They tell us that we have to release that doubt so that we can fly. This is the color of life.

The Color of Life is one of those poems that seem to be able to stand on its own without knowing what the deeper meanings are, yet, by knowing those meanings in improves the consciousness of the poem making it more alive. By knowing more of the meaning you can see the color of the poem- the life.

The manuscript for this poem is relatively unchanged from its first submission. A few grammatical errors adjusted to allow for better reading. Sense I was the first to present and my respondent was involved in a car accident I think that I did not get the full benefit of the question an answer sessions. For this reason, the piece is rather unaltered. I also like its rather unaltered state, and while I will in the future edit it and change minute phrasings, for the better part it is finished. I have already submitted it to two publications and, while I was declined from one, I hope to see it in another.

White Farm started as a joke with my fiancée. When I was commenting on things to write about we ended up getting into a conversation about politics. The conclusion was that, frankly put, our current leadership is dubious in motivations at best and, well, we won’t get into what they could be a the worst. So with a little inspiration from George Orwell’s Animal Farm, and a drive to do some political satire George the donkey was born. From there the story line just kind of fell into place. Animal Farm is about an ambitious Donkey who is from a line of leaders. George’s father, Senior, was once a farm leader as was his father before him. Through a quick series of political satire George launches on scandal after another in the attempt to further his self interest and the economy of the farm. This is just a quick synopsis of the plot.

The character Rummy was an interesting development. Originally, I intended to make Rummy a, well simple put, a weasel. When someone is called a weasel, usually filthy image of used cars sales men and fast talking door to door peddlers come to mind. In this case Rummy is not the bad guy as much as he is a pawn of forces greater than him. The name was granted after a derivation of Donald Rumsfield. Rummy was born. However, as I started to write the story, Rummy becomes something more than just someone being manipulated. He becomes a partial hero who just gets steamrolled. George will not listen to him and senior just ignores him. So what is a weasel to do?

Then along comes the ferret, the true hero of the story. Ferris just is. He is the antagonist of the story with just the right amount of aggressive fortitude to go at the story. He is a ferret after all, with drives to ferret out the news. Farris is one of my favorite characters in this story. He is determined, and a bit lucky. He will be begin to shine in the second act of the story.

White Farm went through approximately six full revisions. With the help for several people including the wonderful advice of classmates, as well as, my fiancée and my sister, I was able to refine the setting to a story that I enjoyed. In the revision and email draft exchange, I found a piece particularly enjoyable to me. It is a piece that was fun to write.

Course I am not the only one who has to enjoy it. As it was pointed out to me, there are still some errors. So I revised the story once more to wipe out irregularities in the names of Rummy: i.e. Rum replaced by Rumm. I also took out the refrences to ant-or. Ant-or was supposed to be a play on words for anchor, or news anchor. But I felt that it was too cumbersome to keep in. One error that was pointed out to me was the lacking concept of the political parties within the story. More specifically, the concern questions the misrepresentation of the Republican Party in the form of the donkey icon. A bit of misrepresentation was applied to the characters on the part of readers looking too hard for the political connection. The iconology isn’t dealing with the political parties. There are not any parties actually mentioned. The representation deals more with the relationship of the political leaders to that of a donkey, or ass. White farm is simple a fictitious parody of today’s political figures with the farm mentality. But the criticism was not singular. Others searched for that connect. However, as the artist I felt that the resemblance to the donkey, and such the resemblance to an ass, was important enough to keep. Besides, who would want an elephant on a farm?

“Ok Rum. Tell me what’s going on.” The sleek graying coat of a donkey shifted in a stall. His slow voice whispered into the quiet night. A small head cautiously poked through a stack of hay near the stall. Two red dots blinked rapidly. “Is it clear?” Rummies [LE1] voice squeaked like a mouse. George sighed, “Yes you cock eyed [LE2]weasel, its 4:30 in the morning or of course it its clear! Why did you want to meet? And make it quick.”

“Rummy [LE3]the weasel pulled his long body from the hay and approached the aged donkey. His voice deepened some, “Well George, We have a… umm… a… situation.”

The weasel shook his head in disbelief, “Mouse Intelligence Agency”. Rum emphasized the acronym. After a pause, George wiggled his ears, “Ohhh… ok”

“Hmm, they can’t touch my tree.” George bent down and nibbled some hay.”

A long paused [LE10] filled the barn. George munched old hay while Rummy paced a deeper furrow into the ground. Finally George spoke. His deep southern drawl echoed through the once silent stall, “Nothing… well almost nothing. Foil the raid on my tree. I can’t have that wolf soiling my resting place. Besides if the wolf and his packs attack the farm it would bring the farm animals closer to me, and I can be greater than my father was.”

“Nothing George? That means we will lose ducks and rabbits. Surly George you can’t expect to lead people after the wolves attack. Rum paused, “At least the rabbits need to be saved. They are your soldiers for farmer sake!” The weasel squeaked in a high pitched hyphenate voice.

“Fine, Fine… that that’s just perfect. The precious rabbits will be saved. Now it’s late rum Rum, I will deal with this information later. Just keep it to yourself. This is classified.”

“Ok George. If you think this conspiracy is wise.” The weasel dove back into the hay bale and disappeared with only a small rustle.

Drama has never been easy for me. In the same breath I could say that it never was really hard either. Drama just existed as a natural course of action and a display of relationships between individuals. When I was in Junior College, I wrote one scene acts for the drama class that I was in. It was a pleasure to see others act out your words and ideas. It was joyful to watch them come to life in front of you. Sense then, I never really gave a second thought to the open world of screen plays. A screen play to me is a lot like a novel, in that it is one of those large projects that I may never have the patience to force myself to do. Maybe. Until that time, I will continue to write small plays in the hopes that I take the next step into something larger. Until that time, plays like When Things go Boom will be my staple practice.

When Things go Boom is a moral piece that is slightly double edged. The piece concentrates on the idea that when someone avoids other groups or crowds it leads to that group or crowd making up wild stories. The moral quandary is that people should never talk about someone negatively if they do not know the whole truth. The other side of that subject is that if the person spent time showing others who he or she was instead of hiding from the world, then those groups would have nothing to talk about.

This scene was spawned by a real life occurrence, where I was invited to attend a literary function and was not able to make it. The rest of it was fictional, yet realistic. The teacher speaks hidden messages through the use of philosophical teachings. This message is undertone of the play, while the foreground speculation is the moral quandary. The title reflects the idea that sometimes the best laid ideas explode.

I have modified the scene slightly by adding one more teacher line, as other student suggested to do. The addition of the new teacher line should open up a positive start indication and allow for a decisive entry into the piece. At least that is my hope. This piece went through one draft exchange before its presentation so it did not have a lot of time to grow towards its final structure. As you can see by the first draft below, there was some substantial grammatical changes that needed to be worked out. I took care of most of those.

My plan for this piece, honestly, is limited. Other than practice work, I have no intention on actually trying to publish or pursue any elongation of this work. However, I may see if I can extend my writing specializations to screen and script writing in an attempt to further my financial gain. The biggest problem is more education.

One of the problems I had peer reviewing others drama pieces is that I do not know a lot about what to review. My techniques on poetry are pretty solid. My fiction creation is gaining, to a point that I would classify myself as something a little more than a novice. However, in the screen writing world, I barely know the basics. Minot’s book helped a little with that aspect, but I do not believe it helped enough. So that is another goal in the currently growing list of future endeavors.

Concept Sentence: Group members make speculative assumptions about a lone individual. A lesson is learned in the end.

Theme Sentence: Some one is always listening and it may be the person youryou’re talking about.

Scene: Classroom: Teacher is located at the black board writing notes as he teaches in a monotone voice. Writing notes on the board oblivious to the students. Three young women and a young man, members of a literature club, sit gossiping in the back row. Robert sits apart from them furiously scribbling what looks to be notes. It is obvious that Robert can over hear them. The order of sitting is Laurie, Enrique, Reani and Robin.

Enrique: (Leaning over and talking to the three girls in a tone that is little less than conversational and a little more than a whisper.) So, he just refused to go to the meeting?

Laurie: Not really, he just said that he had made other plans and couldn’t attend.

Teacher: (Monotone voice while scribbling notes on the board) And in the Crito, Socrates converses with his friends. Remember that Socrates has been imprisoned… (continues mumbling as the scene shifts and fades off.)

Enrique: Look at him taking notes. He’s just the studious student isn’t he. (Said sarcastically.)

Reani: Yea Yeah, me too. This is worse than talking to my husband on football night.

Reani: Yea , Yeah, but the best response I can get is half grunts: uhhh huh and nah uhh.

Enrique: You think he really taking notes? Here, you need to add something to take the scene back to the studious person, maybe some stage direction (nodding toward Robert)

Reani: Nope 20 to 1 he’s pulling a Columbine and writing bomb threats to the university president.

Teacher: (Again, in monotone voice oblivious to the students.) And in The Enchiridion, letter 42, the stoics believe that, and I quote from memory, “When any person does ill by you, or speaks ill of you, remember that person acts or speaks from an impression that is right for him to do so.” In this passage we see… (continues mumbling as the scene shifts and fades off.)

Enrique: Sure let’s just ask him, (sarcastically) Hey Robert, how’s the bomb threats –(looks towards Laurie )-Ya dope.

Luarie: Yea Yeah, that’s not nice. (Slaps Enrique in the back of the head).

Robin: Not right, I mean he had plans and it was last minute- give the guy a break.

Reani: (Laughing) Yea I can see that letter. It’s 25 pages long and ends with your friend Boom! (Boom said a little too loud.)

Teacher: (Annoyed) Since some of us have already left for the after noon (eyes the back four in the back,) Take out one of the “backs” we will adjourn for the day. (Class begins to rustle and people get up to leave. Robin Reani, and Laurie are talking about quietly among themselves. As Robert approaches to exit, Enrique makes a sarcastic comment.)

Robert: (Grinning amused.) Nah, just righting writing a bomb threat to the president of the school. (Laughs )What else would it be?

The four are shocked and looked back and forth at each other. Robert waits a second and hands a folded piece of paper to laurie Laurie. She unfolds it and reads to the group in hushed tones.

Luarie: Dear UHCL President, (the four exchange glances.) I would like to take this opportunity to express a sincere feeling of gratitude for allowing an explosive literature club to exist in this school. The club ignites the mind and is a truly valuable asset to the student body. Signed and dated Robert.

Robert, interesting drama. I made corrections in blue. The main problem I have with the overall drama is the repetitive use of “yeah.” By the way, “yea” is an exclamation of excitement. Don’t forget, stage direction is both italized and put in ( ) . I think maybe “Ahh shucks” could be changed to “See” I corrected some spelling errors as well.

When I entered into the class I was a bit shy. It is hard to hand over work to others for scrutiny, even if you are confident in writing merit. Now I can say that I have no fear shoving a piece of fiction work into some ones hands. I can also say that I have gained some respect for certain people and their abilities to constructively critique people’s works. I have really enjoyed this class. It has been the highlight of my semester. Writing for me is an outlet for my emotions. It is also a way for me to leave something behind for the rest of the world to see in the future. When I am long gone, my work will remain- I hope.

My strongest genre is assuredly poetry. I have been doing that for the longest and I believe it is my best work. Yet, for a couple of years I have been practicing on writing fiction pieces. I think that I am starting to get a handle on it. My screen writing is still my weakest but I am working on it. The only reason that screen writing is my weakest is because of knowledge. The foundational rules of screen writing are only recently becoming a little clearer. And while that implies that I know the rules of fiction and poetry, I am here to assure you that I do not. In fact, I learn more rules every day. Every time I write and every time I read I learn more about writing in general.

From this course alone I have learned quite a lot. I learned about structure in free verse. Like so many people I assumed that free verse was just that- free. But Minot explained that it was not the case. I learned how to edit constructively and, yet, at the same time be able to tell the person that I did not like something in the piece. The old adage of “for ever one negative comment give two positive commits” rings very true. I learned about strong openings and firm closings. With every bad thing I read in others works I learned not to do the same thing in mine. And for every good thing I learned that it was ok to add it to my arsenal of writing tools.

I plan to take this knowledge with me and access it as often as possible. I plan on adding the Minot book to my library of references. I think out of the class that book was one of the more useful tools. I plan on being a published writer. I want, above most anything, be chronicled in the future annuals of literary writers, both popular and intellectually. I want to walk the steps of my literary idols and follow in their shoes.

The surface quality of this fiction was very lively and colorful, which made reading fun with good visual and spatial qualities, but especially at the start I felt some confusion on account of one problem with a descriptive detail and another problem with structure.

The detail problem is styling "George" as a donkey, not because he isn't one, but because if you're doing any kind of political satire, the donkey is a symbol for the Democratic Party (as the elephant is for Republicans). Any political reader would have to wonder, as I did, whether you were intentionally crossing these up or being oblivious to the historical symbols.

About the structure, the subject matter is always lively and vivid, but as the settings and characters are somewhat scattered, more of a central viewpoint from beginning to end would have unified the overall experience and impression. You might try introducing Ferris from the start and have him reconstructing the story. Admittedly this may cause some other problems that will require further revisions. Or you might try another approach to unifying the viewpoint.

At this point, however, the plot line is difficult to follow, both in terms of the conflict being identified and the resolution reached. This isn't to doubt that your vision and resolution are there, but I just couldn't keep up with them adequately.

With all respect, political satire is extraordinarily difficult to pull off. One has to be sensitive to . . . so many sensitivities. I think you manage well, but the opening problem with the donkey is just one of the many snares-plus readers will be very demanding of a high level of performance on many fronts.

I daresay you can succeed at this writing with continued application. When I say your style is lively, I mean it. The nouns or substantives are vivid, and the verbs move in various sharp directions. The rhythms of the prose are winning. These make a good "sensory base" that many other writers can't aspire to. Beyond this, you're in the land of trial and error-but for a writer like you, as long as you can keep trying, the errors are worth what you learn.

Here are the spelling errors I noted-there were a few more I didn't take time to note. surly > surely butte > "beaut" mommas > momma's Rums > Rum's

Okay, I looked over your story. First, you need to read a book, if you haven't already, called Animal Farm by George Orwell. Animal Farm is basically the story you got here. That doesn't mean you can't do this one, but you MUST read Animal Farm if you are to proceed.

Although this is better than the other story you sent me, it still lacks enough description. I'm unsure of the characters, where they are and how the farm works. The clever use of "ant-things" gets a little tiring after a while. It would be better if they used other insects for particular functions.

You have to decide the physics of this universe. For instance, in the Flintstones, they use animals for appliances, feet for cars and dinosaurs for heavy lifting. You need to determine:
A) Do these animals talk or just talk to themselves?
B) Do these animals copy every aspect of human technology or just specific parts?
C) How is a Rabbit Militia effective, even within the scope of this universe?
D) How can they use words like "media" and "country"? Where is the context?
E) Do they worship the farmer as a god? How can they have sophisticated organizations of mice, but not understand the function of the farmer?
F) What year is this? What region of the country? Is that important? (Probably the time period is.)
G) Why does the fox not eat everyone, but the wolf does? How is he part of the farm?

I know what you want, but I'm not seeing it. You have the beginnings, but you need more description. I've got a generally idea of your chess pieces, but I can't see the board and I see some of the moves, but not how they integrate. … Also, watch your spelling. "Ferris" turns into "Farris" a few times.

Trust me, Animal Farm should make this all very clear. The allegory is pretty obvious once you get to the end. And note how the characters talk and in what context they discuss things. What's this story for? You working on a children's book? Another thing I would suggest is that if you read several issues of the Travelers, you'll see how the world unfolds. It's consistent and each character has a role within that world.

-Tony D

Robert:

I have to agree with Robin on the three S's instead of four. I like the word choices you made for the snake. They seem very snakey. :) I don't think it needs to be toned down in any way but the dropping of an S. Hope this helps.

PS-- just reread the first part...may I suggest you keep the four S's in Sandi's first line....then decrease them to three in subsequent lines. It makes it seem like she's gaining control over her speech...the way a person slurs when first awake, the becomes more clear. Or something like that.

I really liked your story about this government conspiracy, of sorts. Like Robin, I highlighted and added my suggestions and comments. I highlighted in green and commented in orange so you could distinguish between mine and Robin's.

[LE1]Possessive

[LE2]Hyphenate

[LE3]Look for open/close quotes in text

[LE4]Stylistic. You might want to reconsider using “shift” twice. Maybe awkward to used past tense and present in same sentence?

[LE5]Like the imagery. J

[LE6]Stylistic. Consider “has information that suggests Ben is on the move…”

[LE7]Since these are animals, there might be different considerations, but few people speak without contractions, usually only if they are consciously emphasizing their words. I find it helpful to read dialog aloud to see how natural it sounds.

[LE8]“is thinking”….I think J is passive. Maybe “MIA thinks he’ll try to attack…”

[LE9]? The previous sentence explains that MIA will try to attack all three targets on the farm…do you mean to say he will try to attack all three at once? Or maybe something else here?

[LE10]Pause

[LE11]Ellipses are a great tool, but they can become distracting if used to much. “Fine. Fine.” Imparts a pause in speech as well as the ellipses. So does “Yes. Why?”