[1] The grandfather, dead for more than thirty years, had
been twice disturbed in his long repose by the constancy and possessiveness of
his widow. She removed his bones first to [2] The family cemetery had been a pleasant small neglected
garden of tangled rose bushes and ragged cedar trees and cypress, the simple
flat stones rising out of uncropped sweet-smelling wild grass. The graves were
lying open and empty one burning day when Miranda and her brother Paul, who
often went together to hunt rabbits and doves, propped their twenty-two
[3]
They peered into the pits all shaped alike with such purposeful accuracy,
and looking at each other with pleased adventurous eyes, they said in solemn
tones: "These were graves!" trying by words to shape a special, suitable emotion
in their minds, but they felt nothing except an agreeable thrill of wonder: they
were seeing a new sight, doing something they had not done before. In them both
there was also a small disappointment at the entire commonplaceness of the
actual spectacle. Even if it had once contained a coffin for years upon years,
when the coffin was gone a grave was just a hole in the ground. Miranda leaped
into the pit that had held her grandfather's bones. Scratching around aimlessly
and pleasurably, as any young animal, she scooped up a lump of earth and weighed
it in her palm. It had a pleasantly sweet, corrupt smell, being mixed with cedar
needles and small leaves, and as the crumbs fell apart, she saw a silver dove no
larger than a hazel nut, with spread wings and a neat fan-shaped tail. The
breast had a deep round hollow in it. Turning it up to the fierce sunlight, she
saw that the inside of the hollow was cut in little whorls. She scrambled out,
over the pile of loose earth that had fallen back into one end of the grave,
calling to Paul that she had found something, he must guess what. . .
. His head appeared smiling over the rim of another grave. He waved a closed
hand at her: "I've got something too!" They ran to compare treasures, making a
game of it, so many guesses each, all wrong, and a final show-down with opened
palms. Paul had found a thin wide gold ring carved with intricate flowers and
leaves. Miranda was smitten at sight of the ring and wished to have it. Paul
seemed more impressed by the dove. They made a trade, with some little
bickering. After he had got the dove in his hand, Paul said, "Don't you know
what this is? This is a screw head for a coffin! . . .
I'll bet nobody else in the world has one like this!"
[4]
Miranda glanced at it without covetousness. She had the gold ring on her
thumb; it fitted perfectly. "Maybe we ought to go now," she said, "maybe one of
the niggers'll see us and tell somebody." They knew the land had been sold, the
cemetery was no longer theirs, and they felt like trespassers. They climbed back
over the fence, slung their rifles loosely under their arms—they had been
shooting at targets with various kinds of firearms since they were seven years
old—and set out to look for the rabbits and doves or whatever small game might
happen along.
[5]
On these expeditions Miranda always followed at Paul's heels along the path,
obeying instructions about handling her gun when going through fences; learning
how to stand it up properly so it would not slip and fire unexpectedly; how to
wait her time for a shot and not just bang away in the air without looking,
spoiling shots for Paul, who really could hit things if given a chance. Now and
then, in her excitement at seeing birds whizz up suddenly before her face, or a
rabbit leap across her very toes, she lost her head, and almost without sighting
she flung her rifle up and pulled the trigger. She hardly ever hit any sort of
mark. She had no proper sense of hunting at all. Her brother would be often
completely disgusted with her. "You don't care whether you get your bird or
not," he said. "That's no way to hunt." Miranda could not understand his
indignation. She had seen him smash his hat and yell with fury when he had
missed his aim. "What I like about shooting," said Miranda, with exasperating
inconsequence, "is pulling the trigger and hearing the noise."
[6]
"Then, by golly," said Paul, "whyn't you go back to the range and shoot at
tin cans?"
[7]
"I'd just as soon," said Miranda, "only like this, we walk around more."
[8]
"Well, you just stay behind and stop spoiling my shots," said Paul, who,
when he made a kill, wanted to be certain he had made it. Miranda, who alone
brought down a bird once in twenty rounds, always claimed as her own any game
they got when they fired at the same moment. It was tiresome and unfair and her
brother was sick of it.
[9]
"Now, the first dove we see, or the first rabbit, is mine," he told her.
"And the next will be yours. Remember that and don't get smarty."
[10]
"What about snakes?" asked Miranda idly. "Can I have the first snake?"
[11]
Waving her thumb gently and watching her gold ring glitter, Miranda lost
interest in shooting. She was wearing her summer roughing outfit: dark blue
overalls, a light blue shirt, a hired-man's straw hat, and rough brown sandals.
Her brother had the same outfit except his was a sober hickory-nut color.
Ordinarily Miranda preferred her overalls to any other dress, though it was
making rather a scandal in the countryside, for the year was 1903, and in the
back country the law of female decorum had teeth in it. Her father had been
criticized for letting his girls dress like boys and go careering around astride
barebacked horses. It was said the motherless family was running down, with the
grandmother no longer there to hold it together. Miranda knew this, though she
could not say how. She had met along the road old women of the kind who smoked
corncob pipes, who had treated her grandmother with most sincere respect. They
slanted their gummy old eyes side-ways at the granddaughter and said, "Ain't you
ashamed of yo'-self, Missy? It's aginst the Scriptures to dress like that. Whut
yo' Pappy thinkin' about?" Miranda, with her powerful social sense, which was
like a fine set of antennae radiating from every pore of her skin, would feel
ashamed because she knew well it was rude and ill-bred to shock anybody, even
bad-tempered old crones*; though she had faith in her father's judgment and was
perfectly comfortable in the clothes. Her father had said, "They're just what
you need, and they'll save your dresses for school. . .
." This sounded quite simple and natural to her. She had been brought up in
rigorous economy. Wastefulness was vulgar. It was also a sin. These were truths;
she had heard them repeated many times and never once disputed.
[*crone = old woman, sometimes
negative as hag]
[12]
Now the ring, shining with the serene purity of fine gold on her rather
grubby thumb, turned her feelings against her overalls and sockless feet, toes
sticking through the thick brown leather straps. She wanted to go back to the
farm house, take a good cold bath, dust herself with plenty of her sister's
violet talcum powder—provided she was not present to object, of course—put on
the thinnest, most becoming dress she owned, with a big sash, and sit in a
wicker chair under the trees. . .
. These things were not all she wanted, of course; she had vague stirrings of
desire for luxury and a grand way of living which could not take precise form in
her imagination, being founded on a family legend of past wealth and leisure.
But these immediate comforts were what she could have, and she wanted them at
once. She lagged rather far behind Paul, and once she thought of just turning
back without a word and going home. She stopped, thinking that Paul would never
do that to her, and so she would have to tell him. When a rabbit leaped, she let
Paul have it without dispute. He killed it with one shot.
[13]
When she came up with him, he was already kneeling, examining the wound, the
rabbit trailing from his hands. "Right through the head," he said complacently,
as if he had aimed for it. He took out his sharp, competent Bowie knife and
started to skin the body. He did it very cleanly and quickly. Uncle Jimbilly
knew how to prepare the skins so that Miranda always had fur coats for her
dolls, for though she never cared much for her dolls, she liked seeing them in
fur coats. The children knelt facing each other over the dead animal. Miranda
watched admiringly while her brother stripped the skin away as if he were taking
off a glove. The flayed flesh emerged dark scarlet, sleek, firm; Miranda with
thumb and finger felt the long fine muscles with the silvery flat strips binding
them to the joints. Brother lifted the oddly bloated belly. "Look," he said, in
a low, amazed voice. "It was going to have young ones."
[14]
Very carefully he slit the thin flesh from the center ribs to the flanks,
and a scarlet bag appeared. He slit again and pulled the bag open, and there lay
a bundle of tiny rabbits, each wrapped in a thin scarlet veil. The brother
pulled these off and there they were, dark grey, their sleek wet down lying in
minute even ripples, over pink skin, like a baby's head just washed; their
unbelievably small delicate ears folded close, their little blind faces almost
featureless. [15] Miranda said, "Oh, I want to see" under her breath. She looked and looked—excited but not frightened, for she was accustomed to the sight of animals killed in hunting—filled with pity and astonishment and a kind of shocked delight in the wonderful little creatures for their own sakes, they were so pretty. She touched one of them ever so carefully. "Ah, there's blood running over them," she said, and began to tremble without knowing why. Yet she wanted most deeply to see and to know. Having seen, she felt at once as if she had known all along. The very memory of her former ignorance faded, she had always known just this. No one had ever told her anything outright, she had been rather unobservant of the animal life around her because she was so accustomed to animals. They seemed simply disorderly and unaccountably rude in their habits, but altogether natural and not very interesting. [16] Her brother had spoken as if he had known about
everything all along. He may have seen all this before. He had never said a word
to her, but she knew now a part at least of what he knew. She understood a
little of the secret, formless intuitions in her own mind and body, which had
been clearing up, taking form, so gradually and so steadily she had not realized
that she was learning what she had to know. Paul said cautiously, as if he were
talking about something forbidden: "They were just about ready to be born." His
voice dropped on the last word. "I know," said Miranda, "like kittens. I know,
like babies." She was quietly and terribly agitated, standing again with her
rifle under her arm, looking down at the bloody heap. "I don't want the skin,"
she said, "I won't have it." Paul buried the young rabbits again in their
mother's body, wrapped the skin around her, carried her to a clump of sage
bushes, and hid her away. He came out again at once and said to Miranda, with an
eager friendliness, a confidential tone quite unusual in him, as if he were
taking her into an important secret on equal terms: "Listen now. Now you listen
to me, and don't ever forget. Don't you ever tell a living soul that you saw
this. Don't tell a soul. Don't tell Dad because I'll get into trouble. He'll say
I'm leading you into things you ought not to do. He's always saying that. So now
don't you go and forget and blab out sometime the way you're always doing. . .
. Now, that's a secret. Don't you tell."
[17]
Miranda never told, she did not even wish to tell anybody. She thought about the
whole worrisome affair with confused unhappiness for a few days. Then it sank
quietly into her mind and was heaped over by accumulated thousands of
impressions, for nearly twenty years. One day she was picking her path among the
puddles and crushed refuse of a market street in a strange city of a strange
country, when, without warning, in totality, plain and clear in its true colors
as if she looked through a frame upon a scene that had not stirred nor changed
since the moment it happened, the episode of the far-off day leaped from its
burial place before her mind's eye. She was so reasonlessly horrified she halted
suddenly staring, the scene before her eyes dimmed by the vision back of them.
An Indian vendor had held up before her a tray of dyed-sugar sweets, shaped like
all kinds of small creatures: birds, baby chicks, baby rabbits, lambs, baby
pigs. They were in gay colors and smelled of vanilla, maybe. . .
. It was a very hot day and the smell in the market, with its piles of raw flesh
and wilting flowers, was like the mingled sweetness and corruption she had
smelled that other day in the empty cemetery at home: the day she had remembered
vaguely always until now as the time she and her brother had found treasure in
the opened graves. Instantly upon this thought the dreadful vision faded, and
she saw clearly her brother, whose childhood face she had forgotten, standing
again in the blazing sunshine, again twelve years old, a pleased sober smile in
his eyes, turning the silver dove over and over in his hands.
|