Tara McGee

Old #7

Tall, dark, and handsome.

Kisses of caramel mixed with smoke.

His presence warms the soul.

Danger you cannot refuse.

Heart races at his approach.

Desires known.

“Jack Daniels if you please.”

Changes in Poetry

            I have always considered myself a very private writer. I have never written anything with the purpose of anyone reading my work. When I entered into this class, I was very worried. I wondered if I would be able to write anything knowing that not only would others read my work, but they would critique it.  The mere thought sent me into a panic attack! For this assignment, I took some advice from our text and starting look around for inspiration. I very quickly found it! Working in a bar, you are never short of meeting some interesting characters. Instead of writing about something I had no experience with, I decided to write something mildly humorous to me and have a little fun with the assignment.

                        When I started revising my poem I took into consideration everyone’s advice. I knew going into the workshop this poem would ruffle some feathers-for a couple of reasons. First, I knew the subject matter wouldn’t be relatable to everyone, but mainly I knew my poem was breaking a lot rules. I broke the rules on purpose. I’m a firm believer that while writing should follow some rules, there is times it is alright to simply throw those rules away.

Old # 7

I came up with the title using some of the advertisements from the Jack Daniels bottle. After I titled my poem, I decided the poem needed 7 lines. I wanted the poem to read recipe like and have a theme throughout. I was not given any suggestions to change the title, and so I left it as is.

Tall, dark, and handsome.

Kisses of caramel mixed with smoke.

In my opinion, these are two of the most powerful lines in my poem. I received so many compliments on these lines I most certainly did not want to change them. I felt these lines really gave the reader some concrete images to play with. It almost forces the reader to taste the whiskey and have a “risqué” relationship with the poem. I did receive some minor comments on the use of a cliché in the first line, but I did this knowing it was a cliché. This is one of the rules I chose to break on purpose. I felt by breaking this rule, the reader would relax a little and have some fun with the poem.

The warmth of his presence warms my soul.

When I originally wrote the poem, I could find the words to use to convey the feeling I was going for. During the workshop it was suggested that I rewrite the line to read “His presence warms the soul.” I liked this idea because it flowed a lot better than it did originally.

Danger you cannot refuse.

For me, this line is my favorite. I felt like if I changed this line, I would lose a lot of the emotional appeal I was going for. I wanted to personify Jack Daniels. This line does that for me! Alicia suggested using “you” in a poem sounded pretentious and to consider removing this. I opted against that because I knew if I changed this line, I would no longer have achieved my personification.

My heart races as he moves close.

I struggled with this line of my poem for a very long time. I didn’t feel it had any depth. I knew going into the workshop this line would be changed. It was suggested I changed it to “Heart races at his approach.” I liked this change because it had more depth than what I had originally written and sent a stronger concrete image to the reader.

Desires are known.

“Jack Daniels if you please.”

These two lines received some criticism. Many liked the way it was written, some stated I needed to scrape both line completely, and others suggested the lines only needed minimal work. The only change I chose to make was the remove the “are.” I felt like this added an extra word and didn’t offer anything. It only added clutter. I left the final line the way it was because this poem can be seen as ending by someone actually speaking the words or as the inner thoughts of the author. I liked that aspect.

            Over all I am very happy with the way my poem turned out. I didn’t make many changes because I wrote the poem a certain way so that a certain type of reader would be captured by it. I know many wouldn’t enjoy reading my poem and I’m okay with that. As far as future of my poem goes, who knows? I may keep it to myself, but there may come a day I decide to share it with the world. My possibilities are endless!