LITR 3731: Creative Writing 2008
Student Poetry Submission

Christina Holmes

The Witch

I.                    Damn it to hell! — he is at it again.

Why can he not see what we see?

Back and forth, like the movement of a pendulum.

Dip and dap, heavy stuff

II.         Doesn’t he get tired—we do!

Oh great, now he’s sick

—shivering

—shaking

—scratching

—vomiting

Why can’t he stop!

III.       It consumes him, you know.

But he wasn’t always this way.

He used to walk me to school,

Carve my name in my big green pencil,

Taught me to tie my shoe

Took me “trick or treating.”

VI.       But now…

He lies

He steals

He begs

Then…

He nods

and nods

and nods…

floating… ecstasy he claims.

V.        He looks so peaceful, like a baby sleeping.

But for how long?

What is the use!

It’s a lost battle.

VI.       Back at it again

The lying

The stealing

The begging

VII.      “ We have had it, we can’t take it—anymore! Please stop…PLEEAASSEE

“Oh I promise after this last one…no more…I promise. !

Sick again

— shivering

—shaking

—scratching

—vomiting

VIII.     Pick the skin…blood runs in…ahh that feels so, so  goo..

What?— too much—a dimes worth.

.           No more shivering

No more shaking…

No more scratching…

No more vomiting…

No lying, no stealing, no begging…

He finally stopped!

Well… it stopped him…

Christina Holmes

LITR 3731

Revision Account

The poem is an original that I wrote specifically for this class. I had been watching a series called ‘The Wire’ and had observed a character in the series that reminded me of my brother Ernest, a recovering heroin addict. He then became my inspiration.   I began the poem by thinking back to the days when my brother was in his addiction, and about all the things I remembered him doing when he was high. From there, I sat, I closed my eyes and I visualized him and began writing what I saw when he was high. In order to deepen the emphasis on the subject,  I searched the internet for drug words in  slang that I could incorporate into the piece. This is also how I came up with the title of the poem—the word “witch” is another known name for heroin. I must admit when I first finished the poem I wasn’t sure that I should use it as my class submission. I thought it might be too graphic or unacceptable. However, when I submitted the draft to Dr. White he assured me it would be fine.  

Upon sharing it with my peers, during the workshop, I was surprised at the impact it made. Some people knew right away what the poem was talking about, while others weren’t quite sure. I received a lot of positive feedback and felt that since they were my perspective audience their input would be beneficial.

            The changes I made began with the first stanza. The word “Damn,” had been misspelled as “Dam.” During the workshop it had been suggested that I leave it misspelled, as some sort of metaphor. However, I had also mentioned to my peers that it was part of a saying that my mother would use when she knew my brother was engaging in his narcotic. So rather than leave it misspelled, I decided to correct the spelling and add the entire saying, “Damn it to hell.” My purpose in doing this was to bring my mother into the poem who was also affected by my brothers actions.  Another change in the first stanza was in   the third line. I had the words “back and forth, up and down” which was to signify his walking pattern when he was plotting a way to score his drug.   However, according to the suggestions “up and down” did not complement “back and forth,” so instead I searched for something that emulated the “back and forth” and what I came up with was a pendulum. The pendulum of a clock moves back and forth and also signifies the passing of time. Thus, I ended up putting, “back and forth, like the movement of a pendulum.”  I thought this would be perfect   and very relevant in the poem as it also indicated to the reader that time was passing the drug addict by.  Other feedback helped me to see that there were words in the poem that were not consistent as with “shakes” rather than “shaking” found in the second and forth stanzas. In wanting to keep consistency I made sure that all the words that were describing his symptoms ended with the same “ing.”

In order to help the reader feel compassion for the subject of the poem I took the advice given by my peers to add something personal about my brother, so as to show a glimpse of his human side and how he was prior to the addiction. In order to achieve this,  I thought back to some of the wonderful things I remember him doing for me when I was a child, things like walking me to school, teaching me to tie my shoe, carving my name in my big apple green pencil and taking me trick or treating. Once I added these elements and re-read the poem I actually began to cry—mostly because I was so thankful that he is was no longer on drugs and he was now back to the brother I so tenderly remembered.  I also added additional phrases like, “He looks so peaceful, like a baby sleeping,   in the fifth stanza to show that even under the influence he looked compassionate, this too was a suggestion of one of my peers. In the seventh stanza I added “We have had it, we can’t take it—anymore! Please stop…PLEEAASSEE!” to show that we were so infuriated with his lifestyle.

In further revising I ended up taking out parts because they didn’t seem to serve any purpose, as with the word “too” following the word vomiting in the second and seventh stanzas and the phrase “Like a monkey on his back,” in the third stanza, which is so cliché it didn’t convey the effect I was hoping for—thus all impact was lost. Probably the most significant of the exclusions was, “he’s gone,” in the fifth stanza. Many of my peers believed that this gave the ending away, so I left it out.  Although the ending of the poem indicates that the addict dies from his drug, this was not the case for my brother. My purpose in allowing the addict to meet his demise in the poem was purely theatrics—to shock the reader; especially since more addicts meet the same ending rather than recover. Overall I think the changes I made gave the poem more strength and clarity in helping the audience visualize the symptoms of the drug, feel the frustration the family, yet feel compassion for the addict. . My plans for the poem are to see if I can have it published in the campus Biosphere, which utilizes the talents of the students and to send a copy to my brother.

I was grateful for the suggestions of my peers.  I believe that the workshop was extremely helpful in many ways. First, it is important to listen to your readers as they are responsible for your success. Therefore, what they have to say should be taken seriously. If certain elements of your piece are not providing the reader with the visual you are trying to covey and elaborating on a word or stanza enables them to grasp your meaning with more clarity, then it would benefit the writer to take their suggestions into consideration. And make the changes.

Second, the workshop provides constructive criticism to the writer, who often times is too close to the piece to see what areas need improving. This process also helps with providing suggestions on words or phrases that the writer may not have thought of.

Finally, the workshop provides the opportunity to learn from one another. This I found to be the most helpful in my writing process. It provides the writer with the opportunity to hear suggestions, share experiences and see the commonalities that exist between people.  Truly a great way to learn!