Amanda Hanne

Leaving Sarah

“Help, help, please someone help me," she yells. "Brad where are you?”

“I am trying to help you, but you won’t let me,” I yell back.

“Help, help, I can’t get out.”

“Why won’t you let me help you? Sarah, Sarah, can you hear me?”

“Someone please help me,” Sarah cries.

At this moment in time I reach out for Sarah, but I can’t grasp her. I try to talk and tell her I am here for her trying to help, but she won’t let me touch her. Sarah doesn’t hear me. Why can’t she hear me? What is going on? As I start to talk to her again, I hear sirens; they are coming fast and close. They are right beside me, I stand up to rush to them to tell them what is going on, but they run right by me.

“What has happened to me?” I yell.

During this time the paramedics that just ran right past me started prying open the door to pull Sarah out of the wrecked car. Once they get her out of the car she starts crying and screaming. At first it was really hard for me to make out what she was saying. As I listened closer to what she was telling the paramedics, it became clearer to me what she was talking about. “My boyfriend, Brad, I think he got thrown out of the car. Is he alright, please, please help him, I am fine, I am better than fine, please help him!” she pleaded.

One of the paramedics started running back to look around the car; they didn’t know they missed someone else. The window was so shattered it didn’t even look like someone flew through it. As the paramedic went running I followed after him. I yelled at the paramedic “Hey, I am fine, see, I am standing right here, right beside you.”

The paramedic kept running. So I followed after him. As we ran around the car in the ditch, I had chills run over my body. There was me, lying in the ditch, face down.

What is happening, why can’t I see myself, when apparently I am standing right here? I am looking right at my body. Those were the clothes I am wearing, that is me. I felt numb, I couldn’t move. This was such a grotesque site to see. Is that really me?

The paramedic yelled, “There is a guy over here. Someone come help me.” Another man with a stretcher came running over. They hoisted my body on the stretcher after the one checked my pulse. “He isn’t breathing,” one yelled back to the ambulance. “We need another ambulance to come; I don’t want his girlfriend to see him like this.”

I stood there and watched this horrible sight. Why wasn’t I breathing, I felt fine? I don’t believe that this has happened. 

“Am I dead?”

Can I see everything that is going on around me, “but I am dead?”

Why did this happen? Why can’t I go back to those last few seconds in my life and put on my seatbelt? Why can’t I go back and tell Sarah to watch out the tire is going to blow? A car passed by, I then realized how bad the accident really was. While going southbound on the street, we blew a tire. Where the car and I landed was on the opposite side of the road. How fast were we going? I know we at least had to be doing around 80mph. The car was in a tangled mess. When looking at it you couldn’t tell that was the car that Sarah’s parents bought her when she left for college.

I was so happy that Sarah was getting to go to college with me. I remember walking into her house the day she got the letter. She came up to me looking really sad and saying, “Sorry honey, I just wasn’t good enough.” I looked at her and just smiled. I was disappointed, but I didn’t want to show her. I said, “It’s alright, we will be able to see each other on weekends.” She looked at me and said, “Ha ha, I was joking, silly I made it in.” I put my arms around Sarah, picked her up and gave her a great big kiss. I couldn’t believe it; she is getting to go to college with me. “Life is turning out better than I thought,” I kissed her again.

It seemed like time had stopped. So much damage, so much pain. I can only imagine what Sarah is going through right now. What is she thinking? Is she thinking that she killed me? Is she wondering what is going on with me? She might have hope that I am alive.

“Sarah, I am alive. I am alive in you,” I said out loud, but she couldn’t hear me.

After the shock wore off I realized they were about to shut the door to the ambulance that Sarah was in. I took off running and jumped in with Sarah. I have never been in an ambulance before; I really didn’t want to ride in it this way. They were checking her vitals and making sure she was okay. Sarah started crying. I put my hand on hers; we rode down the road crying together.

During my junior year I met the love of my life, Sarah, she was wonderful and beautiful. She had the prettiest hair and eyes I have ever seen. She moved into our school from another that is why I had never seen her before. I tried to flirt with her, but it was really hard. I was intimidated by her. The first time I saw her walking down the hall, I said, “Hi, how are you, I am Brad.” She looked at me like I was nuts and kept walking. It took a long time for me to get her attention, but once I did, it was over. We fell head over heels for each other. I took her to the Senior Prom, where we danced and danced. That was one of the best nights I have ever had. I knew from that minute on I was going to be with her for the rest of my life. If only I knew it wasn’t going to be as long as I wanted.

While sitting in the ambulance I was wondering what they were going to do with my body. Are they going to leave me lying there on the side of the road with a black bag over me? Why do they use black bags when someone dies? I have never gotten this concept. What can I do? What is going to happen with Sarah and my family? My family will be so devastated.

I get out of the ambulance with Sarah; they pull her into the hospital. They tell the doctors that come running up that, “She will be just fine. A few bumps and bruises, but she will make it.” As the doctors start taking her away I stay, I see the meat wagon, which is what they call the ambulance that brings in the dead people. I know that is me in there. I am going to wait and see what they say and if they call my parents. When they wheel me into the hospital, a doctor comes and asks them what happened. One of the paramedics says, “This guy flew out of the car that the girl who just came in was driving. Dead on impact.”

“Impact of what, I say. Impact of the car flipping, me hitting the windshield or hitting the ground.” Why wasn’t I wearing my seatbelt, I might have never flown through the windshield. I might still be alive today.

            I followed my body back to a room, it was cold in there. As the paramedics were leaving, I heard one of them say, “The parents are on their way.” My face was frozen, what is going to happen when my parents find out? My mom will not be able to function. My dad, there is no telling what he might do. My sister and brother, what will they do.

            Some time had past and I was still standing there looking at my body. I looked up and through the window I saw my parents come running in. I wanted to say so many things, but how could I, I was dead.

            My life flashed before my eyes. I thought about all the wonderful things I accomplished the wonderful family I had and what was going to happen now. I remember my first day of kindergarten. My mom was rushing around the house, trying to get me ready. I really didn’t want to go to school, but my mom said I had to go. I remember my mom dropping me off and kissing me before I went. I told her, “Mom, you are not supposed to kiss me anymore. I am a big boy.” I wish now she could only kiss me again and again. That day walking into school I met so many people. I never made an enemy, at least, none that I know of.

            My parents were outside the morgue talking to the doctors. I could see the doctor’s lips moving and my mom crying. My dad wouldn’t even look at the doctor, he just kept looking away. The door opened and my parents walked in. The doctor zipped back the bag and said, “I am sorry.” My mom fell to her knees. She started crying harder and harder. I have never seen my mom cry that hard before.

            “Mom I will be fine. It will only be 2 ½ hours away. It really isn’t that far.”

            “I know honey, but it makes me a nervous wreck knowing that you are that far away. It is just scary when you see your baby boy go off on his own.”

            “He will be just fine on his own; you have to let the boy grow-up sometime.”

            “I am, but he is my baby and I want to keep him safe.”

            “He will be safe, Brad is a good kid, and he will be good and safe on his own.”

            My parents walked me to my car, I got in and said, “See you later, I will be just fine, plus Sarah will be there with me. You trust her, right?”

            “Now don’t go there, son.” My mom kissed me and I drove away. I saw my mom crying in the rearview mirror.

            I wish I could hold her right now and say mom I am here, I am good, please don’t cry. After going off to college, I didn’t really talk to my parents as much as I should have. “Why, why, why?” I wish I could tell them, I love them one last time. I really don’t even remember when I told my family that I loved them last.

After my parents stopped crying they asked about Sarah. The Doctor said, “Her parents are in visiting her right now, she is doing fine. She will be ok. She was wearing her seat belt.” I started sobbing thinking about what I had done.

            Later that night my parents had left. Sarah was in sleeping and I decided to go and see her. I went through the door and sat down beside her. I held her hand in mine. I started crying thinking about what she will feel when she wakes up. I said to her “Sarah, don’t give up your hopes and dreams. I will always be there for you. Keep my picture in your wallet and every time you need to see me, I am there.” I sat silently by her bed.

            A few moments had passed and the doctor and nurse came in to check on her. They double checked the equipment. Everything was fine, right before the doctor and nurse left the room I heard the doctor tell the nurse something I could not believe.

“Poor girl, I wonder if she knows she is pregnant.”

My heart sank, I kissed Sarah’s belly and said, “Please take care of my baby.” Sarah touched her belly. There was another heartbeat.

Revision Account

            I have written fiction pieces before in my high school creative writing class. When Dr. White gave us this assignment to write a fiction piece that we could up with, I looked back in some of the papers I wrote back in high school. When reading these papers, I thought about how far I have come as a writer compared to what I wrote when I was in high school. I use to think I could write really good, I thought that I didn’t need anyone to look at my papers and tell me ways I can revise them. All this changed when I got into college. College changed my life. I learned that I needed people to look over my papers and give me constructive criticism. During the class revision everyone gave me good ways to change up my paper. I think the revision made the paper more mine instead of what I wrote before.

            I got the idea for this paper from one of my really good friends in high school. About three days after I was given this assignment, my friend David died in a horrible car accident. I thought about his life a lot. I could not believe someone so great who had so much going for him left this earth. I wrote this paper in his memory. For a while his death is all I could think about. I figured since I couldn’t stop thinking about his death, why not write about it. I know that he is up in heaven looking down at me and watching over his friends, family and girlfriend. I did take some facts from his car accident and incorporated it into this paper. Most of the paper is fiction, except that the memory of my friend, David, will live on forever.

            When I was reading this paper in class it was really hard for me to read. I had a lump in my throat. This was the first time I actually read the paper to other people besides myself. I had some of the women crying, especially at the end. I know that Susan Butaud really got emotional because it wasn’t long after her husband died that she found out that she was pregnant with her daughter. I am happy that I could write a paper that touched so many people.

            The class gave me so many good ideas on what to do with the story. Some of the things that they told me to do were change the title. They said that the title The Night He Died revealed too much about the story. So when thinking about it they gave me a really good title to use. Leaving Sarah is the new title that they suggested, which didn’t give away the story, but still made it a title that people would like to read.

Some other suggestions that they made were to work on the dialogue in the beginning of the paper. They told me to combine some of the dialogue, especially when the same person was talking the sentences needed to be combined. The class also gave me the suggestion to add in more lines for Sarah so that we had more of a clear understanding of who she was calling for, before starting to read the first paragraph. The other part of dialogue they were suggesting to me was to put in more throughout the story. They said I did good dialogue, but there needed to be more. The class told me that on the second page was where I really needed to put more dialogue because it seemed more like an essay then a fiction story.

A big part that I changed in the story is where Brad was having flashbacks to his life before the accident. I put these flashbacks throughout the story instead of just in one place like I had it before. I had all the flashbacks when he saw his parents walking through the door of the hospital. Instead of putting them in one place I spaced them a part and put them in places where Brad would see something or think of something that had him flashback to parts of his life.

I changed a little bit of the ending and added some really good imagery. Before I had the story stop with Brad kissing Sarah’s belly and saying, “Please take care of my baby,” but in the revision I added a little bit to the end where it made it seem like Sarah knew that Brad was there and the heartbeat one more time before Brad left the earth. I didn’t really want to make this to much of a Christian story even though, I believe in heaven, but I wanted to keep this story where anyone could pick it up and read it and they could imagine what happens to Brad in the end. I took this story from one of my personal experiences and I hope that this story touches everyone.