Amber Buitron

Too Little, Too Late

What am I going to do now? Ashley asks herself as she sits alone in her empty apartment wondering where it all went wrong. She has been on her own for two days, and it has been two days without sleep. She knows she has done the right thing by asking him to leave, but after spending three years of her life with the person she thought was “the one”, it didn’t make it any easier. As she sits on the couch praying for sleep to come, Ashley recalls the last few days of the end of her relationship, and the three years of lies and secrets she has hidden from everyone, especially herself.

 The first time John put his hands on her was what he called an “accident”.

            “Baby, I didn’t mean to push you! You just weren’t listening to me!” he cried as she packed a bag.

            Ashley thought of where to go. Do I go to my folk’s house? No… too many questions. Do I go to Jennifer’s? No… she’d just tell me how he’s a horrible person and she’ll convince me to go to the bar and I really don’t need that right now. So running out of options, Ashley decided to stay. She thought to herself, he loves me, I know he didn’t mean to put his hands on me, and it won’t happen again.

            “Just tell me the truth! I deserve that!” Ashley screamed. She was not going to back down. “I will not have my boyfriend cheating on me! I’m better than that. I’ll leave you fir…” and down she went in mid sentence.

            It was the first time John had ever hit her. He punched her square in the stomach. The shock rushed through both of them. She gasped to catch her breath between the tears and choking.

            As usual, John turned on the tears. “Ashley I’m sorry, but you wouldn’t let up! I didn’t know what else to do to get you to listen to me.”

            As he reached to help Ashley to her feet she struck him in his face as hard as her little body would allow. John stumbled backwards onto the dining room table, spilling the food and drinks that had been set out for a nice, quiet dinner at home.  As John rose, evil filled his eyes and for the first time, Ashley witnessed a completely different person. He pulled Ashley up by the arm so fast and hard that her feet flew off the ground.

            “You stupid bitch! If you ever hit me again you’ll be sorry! And leaving me?! Try it and I’ll kill you!” John appeared possessed as his words cut through Ashley’s mind.

            Just then as John lunged towards Ashley with a closed fist, she froze. She closed her eyes and her knees went weak. When she finally opened them, she looked behind her and saw a huge gash in the wall.

            “You’re lucky. Next time it will be your face!” John yelled and slammed the door as he left.

            Ashley got up off the floor, took a look around at the disarrayed apartment, and cried. She and John were having a good day, but things went bad when Ashley asked him about his infidelity. Anger poured through him and her questions only fueled the fire. She knew in her heart he was cheating. Everyone warned her in the beginning not to fall for this guy. But how could she resist? He was charming, cute, and had a way with words.  She didn’t have proof, but sometimes you just have to go with your gut feeling.

            Little did Ashley know this was only the beginning. For whatever reason, Ashley decided to stay with John. Whether it was because she loved him, or was too afraid to leave, Ashley decided that she didn’t have many more options.

            “You know you can trust me. If you need anything, I’m here for you.” Those were the famous words of Ashley’s family and friends.

            “I’m fine! How many times do I have to tell you that there’s nothing wrong! John would never hit me! I wouldn’t allow that!” That was Ashley’s famous reply.

            Everyone suspected but no one knew the truth. Ashley made sure she hid the physical scars of what John had done to her, but more importantly, she kept her emotional and mental feelings strictly off limits. Trust no one she thought. Looking back Ashley realized it was more so because of embarrassment that she was afraid of. Ashley was embarrassed because she knew that deep down she was strong and independent, and she was ashamed because she had let this happen to her. After all, John did say it was always her fault for making him angry.

            As the years went by, Ashley became better at the lies and the secrets. She was always coming up with new ways to hide the bruises on her body. Long sleeve shirts in midsummer, hats that covered most of her forehead because he had thrown something at her and it nicked her as she tried to move.  However, John was smart. He knew that Ashley couldn’t always hide behind layers of clothing. So he resulted to blows to the stomach, throwing her against the wall bruising her back, or hitting her in the head. As the abuse continued her lies got better and better.

            “Oh I fell going up the stairs and hit my forehead. You know how clumsy I am!”

            “I’m having a bad hair day so I like my hats.”

            Her favorite line was always, “I can’t make it into work today. I’m not feeling well.” Ashley used that line for the days she couldn’t hide the marks on her body.

            Ashley felt helpless. Her double life kept her isolated from her family and friends. She started to resent the people that loved her because of their constant meddling.

            “I don’t want to talk about it. There’s nothing going on! I’m fine!” Ashley was constantly defending her actions, and John’s.

            “Please honey; just tell me what’s wrong with you! You always get so mad and I don’t know what to say to you!” her mom pleaded to get some sort of explanation from her daughter.

            She had seen the bruises on Ashley’s legs one day and questioned her daughter, who in turn, quickly shot down any suspicions of John hurting her. But her mother started pressing the situation and interrogating Ashley, causing her to grow more angry and defensive.

            “Look, John is a part of my life, a very big part. If you can’t accept that, then you can’t accept me! There’s nothing wrong so stop trying to butt into my relationship!” Ashley screamed to her mother as she walks out the door.

            It wasn’t until late April when Ashley finally decided she had had enough. After some fighting and arguing, she packed her things and left. Ashley slowly started to get her life back together and tried to keep a low profile. However, despite all her efforts to lay low, John eventually found her.

            As Ashley starts to nod off, there’s a knock on the door, and she rushes to answer. Not thinking to check first to see who it is, (Jennifer was supposed to stop by) she opens the door to see John standing in front of her. Ashley tries to shut the door, John easily forces his way in. He shoves her to the floor and as Ashley looks up, she sees the gun pointed at her head.

            “I told you that I’d never let you leave me.” John says through his choked words and tears right before he pulls the trigger.

            Ashley lay dying but struggles to hold on long enough to see John take his own life. She feels her body go cold and everything suddenly becomes faint. She wonders what life would’ve been like if she’d done things differently. Would she still be in this situation if she had left sooner? She contemplates what life would’ve been like without him at all.

            It was over now, and even though she was “free”, there were so many people left without the answers to so many questions; so many people left to mourn.  As Ashley takes her last few breaths of life, she realizes that her reluctance to leave, and her attempts to make her life right, was all too little, too late.  

(Revision Account)

Let me start off by saying the story is real to some extent. I knew of a friend who was in an abusive relationship and struggled for years with her secret. Some of the situations in the story are really happened but thankfully the last part in the story is fiction. I received a lot of feedback from several classmates and I was thankful for all of their input. I struggled with the wording and context in a few parts which Rachel and Bethany helped me to find a better way to explain my story. Heather was really helpful in spotting grammatical errors and helping transition my story to explain the shift from flashbacks. Tanya did suggest adding some dialogue between Ashley and her family to help emphasize and stress the problems Ashley was dealing with. I did, and found the story to sound a little more intense and allowed the reader to be even more sympathetic to Ashley’s situation. The reason I wrote this story was to shed light on abusive relationships and just how dangerous it can get by choosing to stay.