LITR 3731: Creative Writing 2006
Student Poetry Submission
Sheila Rhodes
Jigsaw People
(Revised)
People who are we and why do we exist?
Are we here for one another, or are we like gorillas in the mist?
Should we help each other, or watch each other cry?
Or should we just sit back and watch the people in our society die?
We see our brothers and sisters that never cease to cry out.
We as people should all be nurturing and allow our brethren to come together and sprout.
The world is like a jungle and such a bitter place.
There needs to be a change within our human race.
Is it like this with aliens and their beings in outer space?
Even gorillas in the jungle can take care of their kind.
What do we, as humans consider about one another in our so-called intelligent minds?
Love is colorblind and has no prejudice.
We as people of all races seek out equality and justice.
For this is the life that our perfect maker has conscientiously made for us.
It is in Gods eyes that life should not be a struggle.
He wants the human race to work together and be a perfect puzzle.
Oh yes God made a world of beautification that is hard to see.
But he did it without thinking of the corruption that would eventually be.
Brother against sister,
sister against mother, fathers against everyone and lover against lover.
Our family values have fallen and we can only blame each other.
So, people who are we and why do we exist?
Are we here for one another, or are we like gorillas in the mist? – Sheila Rhodes
PEOPLE
(Original version)
People who are we and why do we exist?
Are we here for one another?
Or are we like the gorillas, in the mist?
Should we help each other?
Or just watch each other cry
Should we step back and wait for each one to die?
Our brothers and sisters never cease to cry out
How can we nurture them and allow them to sprout?
Who is in the mind of another? No one
Can we rightfully say we love and then criticize our brother?
The world in which we live is such a bitter place
I wonder if it is like this in outer space?
Oh what a corrupt place to be -
Beautification and love is so hard to see
Love is color blind and has no prejudice
How can we as people seek out the long awaited justice?
That our perfect maker has conscientiously made for us? We can’t
People, who are we and why do we exist?
Are we here for one another?
Or are we like the gorillas, in the mist?
Poetry Process
I wrote this poem while sitting
at work on my new job. This poem
and these words came to me when the person who was to be training me did not
want to do it. She acted as if she
was too busy and too impatient and she acted as if I should have come to the job
knowing what to do already.
Ron Burton, classmate responded
by saying Wow! After
reading my poem. He made the
statement he was writing a paper on Truth for a philosophy class and I'm using
some charismatic leaders (i.e., Gandhi, MLK, etc) and this poem really brings
together
a lot of what they questioned. It's really great.
I can feel the frustration and need to understand and be understood.
You write very well.
Class Mate Ron Burton wrote
there is only one thing I'm having trouble relating to and that's the idea of
gorillas in the mist. I'm old enough to have seen the movie (by the same
title), is that the imagery you are going for? A sort of hidden-by-mystery
metaphor, or that we are endangered, or am I off on both accounts?
I explained to Ron that this was a metaphor examining the blur or blurry
or unclear thoughts of a wild animal or a mind in a mist…. or fog.
It is meant to be something that is unclear or misunderstood. I looked up
the definition of “mist” and this is what the Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate
Dictionary had to say…mist- something that obscures understanding.
There was another definition, but this one best fit the metaphor that I
tried to describe in the poem. It
has nothing to do with the movie; it has to do with the fog or pretentious or
ignorant state of mind that we as people live in.
Prejudice is ignorance. It
is fear of the unknown and when we don’t
know or understand people or a situation we walk around in a mist or a
fog always thinking the way we see things as individuals as being right and not
thinking of the situation as a “people” or society as a whole. It is the mist or fog that we walk in when we think we are
superior to another individual or race. And
prejudice comes when we think we’re smarter, prettier, better or any self
viewed superiority.
Ron also stated “I do love the idea of gorillas in the mist, but a younger
reader may not get the idea behind it. One suggestion might be to use the
gorilla as a symbol for people throughout the poem and correlate our behavior to
theirs; so, the reader has to realize that you are describing people. I
had an instructor teach--show, don't tell--and I guess I'm still hung up on
that. Either that, or, only use the reference to gorillas once? I don't
know. I like it the way it is, but our mission with this is to improve it.
That's all I can
come up with”. Like
I said before this has nothing to do with the movie it is about unintelligence
as humans and not having any more insight than an unintelligent creature in the
jungle. It’s not about gorillas
the poem is about humans.
Demra Trube, classmate and partner wrote, “This is a very good poem because it makes you think about how we treat each other. I also liked how there was some rhyme, but not that much. You really donâ?Ttnotice it unless you look for it. I think a lot of rhyming would take away from the poem. One thing that bothered me was that there were so many question marks but very few other punctuation marks. I think the main reason that bothered me was because I can be very picky and a perfectionist. So, tiny things like that bother me when they're not done.
My
response to the punctuation, at the time I did not think that I needed much
punctuation. I went back and looked at the punctuation and decided that when I
revise I will add more punctuation where it is needed. I knew when I wrote it
there were a lot of questions and barely any punctuation, but as a free flow
poem, I wrote this as a thought that was going through my mind and not actual
poetry.
Revision Account
I loved all of the feedback that I received from my fellow classmates in regard to my poem but it is just that, my poem. I do admit I need to go back and add punctuation however, if I took everything out and put in everything that everybody else wanted it would be his or her poem and not mine. I am not saying that their ideas were not great and that the ideas they were trying to evoke were wrong. Being able to take and work with constructive criticism is a wonderful thing. But in order for my poem to keep the meaning I want to convey I chose to do minimal change and put emphasis where I thought the poem needed it. After reading what classmate Tami Gilley had to say really touched on my beliefs and helped me with the revision of this poem. Tami stated, “Since you started your reading by explaining this was still your rough draft, I will let you know that I love your ideas and totally understand where you are coming from. After revising my poem, I almost felt like it wasn’t my poem any more. I say this because I felt a little intimidated by some of the comments. If I were you I would definitely use the grammatical comments, but please leave the heart of the poem the same”!! It is funny that she would say that, because that is exactly what I was thinking. I am not saying that I won’t make some changes but I am not rewriting the entire poem at the comment of one person but I am going to tweak it and be done.
For the most part everyone thought the poem was thought provoking and loved it. So my thoughts are if it is not broke, why fix it? Now I did love classmate Neelam Damani’s idea of adding “Jigsaw” in the front of “People” in the title of the poem. I used the picture of the puzzle because I felt this helps to explain or touch on the idea that we as people should be able to fit together and be a part of “one body”, as in the body of Christ and be there for one another as written, according to I Corinthians 12:12. Charity (love) is the most important commandment according to I Corinthians 13:13. These are my feelings no matter what race, color or religious background a person comes from. We should all be able to connect and fit in as one to make things work. This comes from what I feel and what I believe from deep within. For example, this past summer semester my textbook did not have all of the dramas we were suppose to have read, however, classmate Keely Flom without question volunteered and made copies for me without any effort and she probably has no idea on how that made me feel. I was truly grateful and she probably doesn’t even remember and never thought twice about it. That is how it should be. That really touched me believe it or not. This is what I call working together and being able to help someone out in the time of need. She really did not have to do what she did, but she did it anyway. If you read this, thank you Keely!
I tried to use a little bit of everything that everyone suggested without losing my version of the poem. I hope it is well. I never meant for this poem to be a political statement, but I think it is. - Sheila
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