LITR 3731 Creative Writing UHCL sample student poetry submission 2006

LITR 3731: Creative Writing 2006
Student Poetry Submission

Rosalinda Ortiz

MOVING ON

(Revised Version)

Holding my picture in your hands.

You look and wonder.

Do you remember me?

The clock moves forward, years pass, and you ask if I existed.

Were those memories created in your imagination?

There was a time you claimed you would never love again.

You wrote in your notebook,

“My pain will never heal from the hurt you caused in me.

A scar will always remain from the emptiness you left.

I shed tears everyday because of the loneliness you bestowed on me.

I could never love again due to the fact that I loved you, but

you still left.”

You didn’t believe you could get on with life when I left..

And 9 years later you are excited for tomorrow.

You stare at my picture now with guilty eyes.

Guilty of being happy again.

Hurt wasn’t what I wanted for you.

I didn’t want to leave.

I, too, thought that we would always be in each other’s life.

I know when you talk about me you ask if I was real or just a dream.

I no longer seem real to you.

You feel you are speaking of an imaginary person.

They will never know me and you stop talking about me.

This picture is your only proof.

I just need you to know one thing…I don’t blame you.

I don’t blame you for moving on with your life.

I don’t blame you for making your future plans, even if you forget me.

I don’t blame you because you are happy again.

I just ask you to now put my picture away and don’t look back at

yesterday.

Revision Process:

I had originally wrote the poem and didn’t revise it because I wanted to hear the other students criticism on it. I knew they would assist me in making the poem better. I had a hard time writing this poem because I really didn’t have anything I wanted to write about at the time. I was walking through my house and I noticed a picture of my brother. He passed away 9 years ago. I realized that I moved on so much from the time I left. I had never thought I could survive his death. This is where the poem came from a picture that was looking back at me.

The criticism I received was that I needed to condense the sentences and add more images. It was a little hard for me and I don’t think I excelled much on that, but I tried. I was also told to take out the bold print. I needed to make the poem into stanzas, instead of one long poem. It was stated that it wasn’t prose poetry because it was lacking images and metaphors. I don’t think I am good at that, but its something I know I need to work on. I appreciated all the opinions I received and I attempted to make some of the changes to it. I was afraid of changing it too much because it was a personal matter. I do know the criticism will be kept in mind now when I do write. I will attempt to keep all the students comments and opinions on my mind. I learned a lot about writing poetry thanks to this workshop. I know that some of my poetry needs to be tuned up.

Original Poem-

MOVING ON-by Rosalinda Ortiz

You are looking at me and wondering who I am.

Am I a person you remember?

I know its been many years between us and you wonder if I ever existed.

Did you create all those memories in your imagination?

There was a time you claimed you would never love again.

You wrote,

“My pain will never heal from the hurt you caused in me.

A scar will always remain from the emptiness you left.

I shed tears everyday because of the loneliness you bestowed on me.

I could never love again due to the fact that I loved you, but

you still left.”

Yet, here you are soothing a broken heart caused by another.

You had never believed that you could get on with life when I left..

And 9 years later you are looking forward to a tomorrow.

The only reason you are staring at me now is because you feel guilty.

Guilty of being happy again.

I never wanted to see you hurt the way you did when I left.

Believe me, I would have chosen to stay, if it was mine to make.

I, too, thought that we would always be in each other’s life.

I know when you talk about me, you catch yourself rethinking the

memories because they don’t seem real.