LITR 3731: Creative Writing 2006
Student Poetry Submission

Jonathan Moeller

The Storm

Raindrops fall to quench the earth, needed here

after weeks of drought.  A leaf dances in

the rain.  It skips and jumps and catches the wind

until it soars above the atmosphere.

Old Zeus observes the littered leaf upon

his high court and enacts his revenge

a crash of thunder and then the singe

after the bolt of lightning strikes the pecan.

Inside the dense walls no one will perceive.

Sorting suits dance to music performed by

clacking conveyors bringing a supply

of wool sport coats for the clerk to receive.

That night I emerge upon a charred form.

The tree lets me know I missed the storm.

Revision Account

            Initially, I had a very difficult time coming up with an idea for the content of the poem.  I went through several themes and forms before I arrived at “The Storm.”  The first idea I had was to write a ballad about the adventures of an infant and kitten.  This is still my favorite idea but I found the long format was a daunting task for my first poem.  I then went through a cycle of ideas for highly emotional personal poems but decided that they would alienate every reader but me.  It is very difficult to write an original work about something like prejudice without sounding too preachy, and the poems I began had very little depth.  I finally got my inspiration one day at work while it was raining outside.  The storm made me think of all of the times I was stuck in the windowless warehouse and was completely unaware of what was going on outside.  I decided the idea of missing the storm is a good metaphor for how people find comfort in the familiar while missing out on the magic of the unknown.  Early in the process, I knew I wanted to use a specific form for any poem I wrote.  For this subject, I decided to use a variation on the English sonnet.  As a new poet, it helped me write by giving me a form to follow, and I also gained personal satisfaction knowing I used the same form as Shakespeare.

            I enjoyed creating the poem and started out with this with a general sonnet form.  Originally, I only rhymed the last six lines in order to differentiate between the chaotic, magical outside world and the soothing and familiar inside world.  Eventually I gave way to form and made all of the stanzas follow my rhyming pattern.  In my first drafts, I mentioned Zeus only in passing, but then made him a bigger part of the poem in order to help define the two worlds originally defined by the two rhyme schemes.  The Zeus and the Leaf story does this in several ways.  The first eight lines deal only with this story, following the English sonnet form.  It is clear when the images and tone change, and that separates the settings.  Adding to the image is the leaf.  In the final poem, I changed the first stanza to give the leaf free will.  Instead of the wind catching the leaf, the leaf catches the wind.  This is not possible in the orderly, scientific world of the warehouse.  In addition, Zeus is the judge of the Olympians and judges and punishes the tree for littering on Olympus.  It is irrational to fault a tree when one of its leaves, which has free will, falls on the ground.  Again, this is designed to make the reader think of this world as strange.  The next four lines are meant to sooth the reader.  I used alliteration and assonance to make the stanza musical.  I also changed the tone from violent vengeance to the happiness one would normally associate with a ball.  However, the third stanza is meant to be ambiguous.  If examined closely, the subject is quite dreary.  Suits are not very interesting and they do not dance.  The noise the sorting machine makes is not musical but is a loud repetitious banging.  The hint to all of this is the first line of that stanza, “Inside the dense walls no one will perceive.”  The people inside the walls are dense like them.  What appears to be musical and soothing is mechanical.  Another image I hoped to create was that of another building with thick walls, a prison.  They rhyming couplet at the end of the poem draws attention to the theme but does not state it outright.  The reader has to decide why it is important and, hopefully, can determine the theme through careful examination of the poem.

            I was very happy with the feedback from the class.  A few comments pointed out mistakes I made that could easily be corrected.  For example, I used the word “preformed” instead of “performed.”  Preformed could work in the poem but its inclusion was actually a mistake.  Someone else pointed out that I had lightning strike after the thunder.  This made the poem factually incorrect, so I changed the beginning of the eighth line from “when” to “after,” which solved this problem.  There were several suggestions for word choice.  The three I took were changing “into the atmosphere” to “above the atmosphere,” changing “When Zeus” to “Old Zeus,” and changing “come out and see” to “emerge upon.”  All three suggestions made the images stronger.  In addition, I also matched the tense throughout the poem.  The most common suggestions I received were for me to add a line or another stanza to add imagery, like more characters, or to further develop the plot.  I did not take these suggestions because I wanted to follow the sonnet form.  I also asked the class if they preferred the complete or partial rhyme scheme.  There was no overwhelming preference, so I chose the complete scheme.

            I am satisfied with the latest revision of “The Storm.”  Unless I have an epiphany, I do not think there will be any major changes with the poem.  I might tinker with word choice or the title.  The main strength of this poem is the detail.  I think it would be enjoyable to inspect for the different poetic devices used.  I tried to have a purpose for everything I put into the poem.  I am not sure if I am going to go any farther with “The Storm” because while it would be nice to have a work published, I cannot think of any way to better the poem and do not think it is good enough to be published as it is.