Joe Cuellar

Of A Personal Nature

My degree is in science (Chemistry to be more specific) and as such, most of my course load has been centered on things I can prove.  There are no two-ways about it, 2+2 will always equal 4: it is not open to interpretation and is not up for discussion.  Therefore, a change of direction was welcome.  I had taken the required literature courses (Comp I and Comp II), but no other literature or writing classes to this point, so I looked forward to taking Creative Writing. 

I have always had a love of the written word.  I was taught to read at an early age and by age 5, I was reading in two languages.  I edited a literature magazine in high school and was originally majoring in journalism many (many) years ago.  Even though I ended up working in the chemical industry and seem to be stuck there, I still spend a lot of time reading anything I can get a hold of.  I had the good fortune of having a superb teacher for Comp II who encouraged me to continue to write after she and I discussed some ideas I had.  I also have co-worker who is a former teacher and holds a degree in English.  I showed her some of my writings and she agreed that I needed to continue writing.  As flattering as that was, sometimes friends can be too nice and not want to hurt your feelings.  That is another reason why I wanted to take a creative writing class—to get true feedback on my work.

The workshop format in a class was new for me as far as school is concerned.  I was a bit worried when I first looked at the syllabus and realized that I not only had to submit work, but also present it in front of the class.  I also saw I had to lead a discussion on some of the assigned readings.  I have had to make presentations before, but presenting material that is so subjective was a change for me.  In the past, I have done critical analysis of published pieces or of theatrical works (for a Humanities course and for Comp II), but I never had the author sitting up front.  I wanted feedback, but I didn’t think I was going to have to be there for it.  I was more at ease when I saw that the class was very open to criticism of their work and were all eager for feedback.  I was surprised from the get-go when the first poetry presentations were both of a very personal nature and dealt with mature topics (suicide and murder).  Not exactly what I was expecting to say the least.  Another thing that really impressed me is that there was none of the “lovey-dovey my boyfriend/girlfriend/dog just left me and I absolutely cannot live without them” type of poems presented or submitted in this class, so I enjoyed the tales relating where these ideas came from.

Minot opens chapter 3 by saying, “Most contemporary poets draw directly or indirectly from personal experience.” (Minot p 45) This statement was substantiated by the fact that most of the poems that were submitted this semester, in one way or another, stemmed straight out of the experience of the author.  I read some of the ’05 submissions and many of them also were based largely on direct experiences.  I found this fact very interesting because in my own poem, I relied entirely on indirect experience.  Even though I’m sure that somewhere along the line, I have had some kind of experience that could be translated into poetic structure, I could not think of any.  After taking this class, I am starting to believe that it may be because I lack a personal and emotional connection to the words that I am writing.  This taught me that I may need to start focusing more on using my personal experience as a basis for any poetry I may write in the future.  Minot seems to support my observation in chapter 10 when he says, “this reluctance to reveal very personal feelings or experiences is the primary cause of obscurity.” (Minot p136)  This is a valuable lesson because it has made me re-evaluate my writing style and forced me to confront the fact that I am not allowing my personal views to be explored.  I look forward to exploring this new tidbit about myself further.  I also plan to read more poetry to see if I can eventually get comfortable writing about topics that may be closer to me than what I have done in the past.

The place where my indirect experiences are really helpful is in writing fictional pieces.  I have obviously never been to the midst of Lucifer’s hell, but I can picture it.  I have never had my heart almost jump out my shirt as I snuck past two border guards on a dimly lit night while the taller of the two slowly chewed on his tobacco scanning the area and then turning his gaze into a sharp stare focused in my direction because of the sound he thought he just heard and the other one cautiously holding his rifle on the twelve people they had just rounded up while speaking in broken Spanish instructing them to all get in the back of the truck, but I can picture it.  I can typically come up with stories and build entire worlds around a central theme (I created an entire Soyciety complete with places like Soyracuse and characters like King Soylamon—it started as a joke about a news article that stated that soy products may contain excess amounts of estrogen, making men effeminate).  I usually do not have writer’s block and that has been advantageous when having to write essays or narratives in class.  I have always found it strange that many people are intimidated by writing stories.  After all, most people are very good story-tellers.  After reading Minot’s textbook and the class meetings we held, I believe that I may have found what could be a reason why I do not mind writing fiction and it still goes back to personal and direct experiences.  Minot says in chapter 13 that “writer’s block is frequently a reluctance to deal with material that is still too close and personal.” (Minot p163)  This made perfect sense to me now.  I write with other people in mind.  It is always other situations, other worlds, other scenarios…always other.  I do not remember ever writing down any stories about people I know or situations that that I may have encountered.  I don’t believe this has been a conscious decision on my part; it just seems to always turn out that way.  It is not to say that I do not sprinkle in experiences that I have had and use them as a starting point, for example in one story that I wrote, I use a setting of a particularly shady area of Panama City, Panama that I once went to.  But these small bits and pieces never lead in the same direction that I would have gone and never occur in the same circumstances that they occurred to me.  This may be what Minot refers to as “metamorphosis” (Minot p 163) when “a complete change in structure and appearance” happens to the story.  I think that is why it is easier for me to write about the detached subjects I deal with.  It seems that it is easier to look out a window than to look in a mirror.

That being said, I do enjoy reading different genres and learning the thought process of an author.  I found it particularly interesting to experience the process in an educational environment.  To me, it fully highlighted the idea that anyone can write once they learn to capture their thoughts on paper.  It is not enough to just know how to spell or how to read, you have to be able to be able to translate them into written words.  Many times, the written word has much more impact than the spoken word.  It is fun seeing a work develop from its early stages to the more advanced and structurally correct pieces that they eventually become. The availability of work from prior students made this class even more motivating.  It demonstrated not just how people’s writings take shape and develops but also how everyone encounters the same type of problems when developing these ideas.  Another thing I noticed in reading previous class’s work is how this particular class (Creative Writing) has changed in instruction and set up by adapting when the need arose.  It was fascinating to note that every class has their mixture of personalities and it shows in the differences of their works.  Now that I have all the links, I plan to go back every couple of months and update myself on what is going on in future classes.  I found it unfortunate that we did not have time to explore the drama section—with some of the folks we had in class, it would have made for very entertaining sessions.  I also took time to review some of the final exams from ’05 and noticed that just about everyone was an avid reader.  This would explain why the works were very well done and proves what Minot says in chapter 2, “Novelists read fiction.  Poets read poetry.  It’s as simple as that.” (Minot p13)

In reflecting, this class has been very beneficial to me in many regards.  I realize that the class focuses on creative writing, but there are many other lessons to be learned due to the structure of the class.  For example, the mere fact of presenting materials in front of a class allows students to learn to be at ease in front of an audience of strangers.  The class also teaches the fine art of giving feedback; there is a fine line between feedback and criticism (the bad type, not as in critique). 

In conclusion, I do feel that it would be good for me to begin incorporating more personal feelings when it comes to my poetry.  I have no plans to publish, but if I ever do, I would like to be better prepared.  This class has given me tools to at least know what questions to ask and what to look for in my own writings.  On a personal level, I learned that there are many methods to writing effectively by just focusing on basic principles of structure.  I feel that my writing has, for lack of a better word, evolved to a higher stage.