Sheila Rhodes

JASON’S SECRET

The morning sun beamed brightly through the lilac ruffled curtains indicating that morning would be intruding and a new day was to begin.  It was a blustery day she could tell by the beating of the tree limbs against her window.

Cynthia lay in her bed while gazing at the window trying to collect her thoughts for the day.  In her mind she said her usual morning prayer before getting up and checking to make sure the pre-set coffee pot was perking. 

Rolling over to check the time on the clock she hesitantly sat on the side of the bed reaching for her terry cloth robe. 

Cynthia strolled into the kitchen and poured a fresh cup of coffee.  The aroma from the fresh ground coffee filtered the air and filled the room.  There is nothing like the smell of fresh coffee to help awaken the senses first thing in the morning and getting started with your day she thought.

She would need to be alert in order to face the traffic she would have to maneuver through on her way to work this morning.  The next thing would be to cut on the television to see which route would take her on her way this morning and monitor the weather.

As she sat pondering her day she thought of things back home in Sweet Water and how she missed the little things that often sparked up her sense of nostalgia.   The smell of fresh honeysuckle, the late night train and of course the smells coming from the sugar refinery all reminded her of hometown of Sweet Water

Sweet Water was a small community on the outskirts of Houston.  It was a community where everyone new everyone.  It was just like any other small town.  Children played in the streets late in the evenings, gossip was rampant, churches were filled on Sunday morning, and Saturday nights were rambunctious with all of the carousing locals that would fill up the church on Sunday morning.  But all in all, this was home sweet home.

During the week the majority of the locals worked at the sugar refinery that had been around since before WWI.  Her great, and great-great grandparents as well as her grandparents worked there from the time the plant opened until it’s closing.   And she had at least one person from each generation to work there.   Cynthia’s family roots were still strong in the area.  And she often thought of going back to set up house.  Why not?  She knew everyone there, the cost of living was cheaper, and just the thought of country living did something to her psyche.  The surroundings and the peace within the community would give her the type of life she longed for. The atmosphere would give her what she needed to complete her book.

Growing up in Sweet Water had been such an inspiration to her. So much, that she had decided to write what the people and life was about in the community in a short novel.  After all,   these were the people she knew and grew up with.  These were the people that she related to. This is what she knew.  These were the people that watched her grow and could honestly say they knew her when.   Being careful not to use the exact names and events, she took time to capture the most captivating and more interesting events surrounding the town’s locals.

Cynthia had taken the last three years off to write her novel but after presenting her rough draft to Bradford’s Publishing Company she was offered a position as senior editor.  This was a position she never in her wildest dreams would have thought would come her way.  It was her longtime friend, Jason Bradford, which whom she grew up with in Sweet Water who suggested she give the position a try.  Although leery at first, she was glad she had taken the job.  This was just another accomplishment on her resume and she would sit back and watch as her career blossomed.  And that was what seemed to be important these days.

Jason had always looked at Cynthia as being one of the most talented women he had ever known.  He respected her and always felt that Cynthia was a woman that knew exactly what she wanted and wasn’t afraid to go out and reach her goals.  So when Marta Jamison resigned as senior editor, Cynthia Mason automatically popped into his mind.  Besides Jason and Cynthia were longtime friends.  She was someone that he could trust to get the job done without giving him a sense of feeling threatened.  They had become close friends during their high school days back at Sweet Water High when Cynthia was Vice President of the English Club and Jason was the President.  They worked on projects and read many books together.  He had even encouraged her to join the Phi Omega Donovyn Sorority.  So he knew that Cynthia was the person to fill the position.

And although, Jason was secure within himself and his successfulness, he still had to be careful with whom he let his guard down with in regard to the business.  With Cynthia he could relax.  Besides she was like family and they had spent a lot of time together.

Cynthia and Jason had grown up together as kids.  His family was from the up side of town and had plenty of money.   Cynthia lived in the middle class sector where her parents worked at the sugar refinery.  They were cut from the same cloth even though they were from different sides of town.   Though she never made it known, she often wondered why there was never any type of romantic inclination between she and Jason, at least not in the mind of Jason. 

Cynthia had always observed the dapper charisma of Jason.  She had always seen Jason as the perfect guy.  She was  a woman wanting to be in a romantic relationship.  She had even seen herself as being the right type for him.  There was that something there to make her want to nurture their friendship, although not romantic, sparkling even though romance wasn’t involved.  Who knows?  Was she secretly, and in her subconscious, looking for something more from Jason than she had actually let on?  Did he notice?  She didn’t want to come off as one of these loose women of the twenty first century that had no idea of what chivalry was like.   The fact is that a lady should always present herself as a lady and let the man make the first move.  Mama said, “Never be too forward with a man.  They don’t respect women like that.”  But what did Mama know?  She had not been with a man since Daddy left fifteen years ago.  But, she listened because it’s Mama.

Jason was tall, dark, well educated, charismatic with a charming sense of humor and outlandishly handsome.  He also had old money in his pocket.  He was comfortable within himself and, although his societal status ranked high, he managed to give off an aura of being down to earth.  He could pretty much have any woman he wanted.  Whenever there was a social event, there was always a flock of elegant women surrounding him trying to get his attention.  He was well respected by the community and his peers.  And, though there was a constant barrage of women he seemed to show minimal interest.  Jason always gave the impression that he was embedded with work and social functions.  Work, work, work and societal highlights were the only things he seemed to have time for.  But that was Jason:  He had a business to run and the likes of romance dared not distract him.

Ring, ring, ring..…..Who could this be calling while she was trying to get dressed for work?  “Hello.”

 “Good morning sunshine.”

“Hi Mama!” What are you doing calling me this time of morning?  Is something wrong?

“No sweetie there ain’t nothing wrong.”

“ I’m trying to get out of here.”

‘I know baby.’  I was only calling to see if you would be coming down home this weekend?  You know there is that church function over in Canyon County at the Bless Yaw Mama Holy Ghost Church and they have a fair at the Canyon County Fairgrounds and I wanted to know if I should be expecting you.  I also wanted to see if you could spare a little change until the end of the month.”

“Well Mama, I hadn’t made any plans to come down this weekend but I’ll see what I can do.   I’ll have to make the drive if you’re in need of money before the month is out.”

“Jason Bradford will be throwing a big fancy bash on Saturday night and everyone from all around will be coming.  You must dress to impress.  There ain’t no need for you to not be here.  The town and county haven’t had this kind of excitement in years.”

“I know Mama, but Sweet Water was not in my plans for this weekend.  And I knew about the bash, I work for Jason remember?”

“Come on home you might find some fine young man.”

“Mama, I do pretty good all by myself.”

“I know, but you are a beautiful and healthy young woman who should have a companion.  Besides, you’re approaching thirty and I don’t have any grandkids!  I get so sick of Vera Lee asking me, ‘How’s your daughter? Ain’t she settled down yet?  You still don’t have any grandkids yet?’  Like you need to be like her daughter Evelyn popping babies like you pop corn.  Every nine months or so she’s shootin' babies out like a popcorn popper.  That poor girl has seven kids and in this day and time that’s nonsense.  She’ll never be able to get out of poverty.  And that man she’s with won’t give her a dime.  She’s struggling.  But I can’t really blame him, five of those kid’s don’t belong to him.  Besides, I don’t think she knows anything about tying tubes or birth control.  But I tell you she sure knows how to shakem and bakem.” 

“Look Mama, I don’t want to hear about Vera Lee and her mindless daughter Evelyn.  Besides, there are other things on my agenda that are more important than being strapped down with six or seven babies.  Trust me, if Evelyn could, I bet you one hundred dollars she would trade places with me.   When the right time comes I’ll find the right man and start a family.  Kids should be planned, not just hatched and left to wonder what their future is going to be.  And with that many, the future of those children look very bleak.  Why would you hope for that kind of grief for me?”

“I know Sugar, I just don’t want you to be alone if something should happen to me.  I would just be comfortable knowing you had someone to spend your life with.  I don’t want you to end up old and alone like me.  I think you know how to stop without dropping it like it’s hot all over the county, she laughed.”

“Mama don’t talk like that!  Besides, I’ll be fine and you aren’t going anywhere for a long time and besides you’re not that old.

“You know Cindy, you and Jason have been friends for a long time and now you work for him.  Why haven’t you guys ever dated?”

“I don’t know it’s just never come up.”

“Well he sure would be a good catch and that sure would shut up Vera Lee’s mouth once and for all.”

“Mama, I am glad my future does not in the hands of you and Vera Lee,” Cynthia said while pulling up her pantyhose.    Besides, he has never shown any interest in me other than friendship and you have always told me to let the man make the first move.”

“ I know and you have been a wonderful daughter.  Have you ever had any love interest in him?”  

“Mama why are you asking me all of these questions?  I don’t feel right talking to you about these things.”  This isn’t something I should be talking about with my mother.”

            “I’m your Mother and you should feel comfortable talking about any and everything with me.  Listen to me. Love doesn’t love anybody.”  What’s that song that Tina Turner sang?  “What’s Love Got to Do With It?’  Before I was your mama I was a young woman in love.  And I know what it’s like to be with someone and I know what it’s like to be alone.  I also know what it’s like to sit around and let the best one get away.  Just think about it.  I’m not telling you to throw yourself on Jason or any man, but I do say, follow your heart.  Don’t be like me and let the best thing that comes through your life get away.  There’s something I have to tell you.  Your daddy was not the first man that I met and fell in love with.  There was someone else that I was engaged to and planned to marry and things did not work out.  We even planned a wedding and cancelled at the last minute.  I moved to Highlands and that’s how I met your dad.  It was on the rebound and since it was on the rebound things with your daddy and me were just somehow never the way it was suppose to be.  Not even two months after meeting your daddy I got pregnant with you. Maybe somewhere deep inside I was still in love with the other person and hoping you were his.

“But mama you never told me this!  Cynthia exclaimed! Why now?” Followed by silence.

“I never thought I would have to tell you this.  But sometimes we have to bring up things that are hard for us to talk about and you are grown up now and deserve to know. It’s better than hearing through the Sweet Water grapevine.”

“Yes but this is a lot for you to unload on me after thirty years.  Is there some underlying reason for this conversation?  You never told me that someone else could be my father.”

“You’re not a little girl anymore and I feel that now you can handle it. ”

But after seeing you I knew you belonged to your daddy.   This is how I got to be a mama?  Love had a little bit to do with it, though not much.  I did love your daddy but maybe not for the reasons that I should have. Sometimes children forget that their parents are human.  I‘ve loved if I never get the chance again.  It’s a wonderful feeling and there is no other feeling like it.  When you fall in love use it to your advantage.  I didn’t and now look at me.  I’ve been living with regrets.  Wishing and hoping that the same thing doesn’t happen to my child.”

“Who is this other person?”  What’s his name?”

“He is someone that for over thirty years that I‘ve tried real hard to forget. I promised myself that I would never repeat his name.  It’s no longer important.  It took me a long time to come that conclusion.”

“Mama are we having that talk we should be having on my wedding night?” Cynthia says with a chuckle in her voice.

“Oh nooo… that conversation won’t be anything like this one.  Trust me, I’ve been waiting to have that talk with you too.  I hope it’s soon.

 I’ll see you this weekend.”

“Okay.”

“Bye Sugar. I love you.”

“Bye Mama. I love you too!”

Talking to Mama brought up issues Cynthia had tried to suppress.  Mama must have sensed something.  Mothers are like that. Mama had sensed her uneasiness with being alone although she covered it very well.  Mother’s can tell when something is wrong from miles away.  Not that there was anything wrong but there were some issues in her life she would have to soon address.  She couldn’t even get mad with her mother for dropping the bomb on her the way she did.  Poor Mama, Cynthia thought, she knew it must have been hard and hurtful for her other to have to carry around such grief for the past thirty years.  Cynthia forgave her.  Besides this was mama and mama was all she had.

But now how would she be able to approach Jason with her true feelings for him?  Was Mama right?  Would this be the one that she let get away?

Cynthia would recall the conversation with Mama and wonder if she was getting ready to do the right thing.  She would make plans to meet with Jason at the function in Canyon County and just maybe they could have sometime alone outside of work and a platonic relationship.  She would finally make her feelings for Jason known and better yet she would let him know.

She was ready.

            Jason knew Cynthia would be coming to Sweet Water and they agreed that he would go down ahead of her and get a hotel suite at the swank Le Banes Hotel in Canyon County.  They agreed to share the suite together.  In Jason’s mind it didn’t matter because Cynthia was no threat and he felt there must have been a something going on within the business that made her feel the need to get together and discuss things over the weekend.  He was okay with that.  With Cynthia he would be able to relax and talk business at the same time. 

Jason made a few phone calls to make sure everything would be on schedule with the extravaganza in Canyon County and off he went.   He needed to leave now there was a stop he would have to make. 

Chapter 2

On her way to Sweet Water the only thing that Cynthia could think about was the conversation she had with Mama.  She had no idea that mama had this other life that she kept to herself and finally decided to reveal.  What had made Mama want to tell her now about her past?  Was this an indication that they had something in common?  Or was this a sign of things to come?  And just exactly was it that Mama was trying to tell her.  The way she had envisioned her parents was nothing like what she thought and it certainly not the way Mama had described it.  Cynthia had always thought it was Daddy that didn’t love Mama.  She had no idea that it was the other way around.   What had really gone in the life of her parents?  This conversation had really shed light on a lot of things and there were obviously a lot of things that were underlying with her parents that she didn’t know about. 

She also kept in mind what she might say to Jason when she finally met up with him.  She had finally decided to lay it on the line and could hardly wait to see his reaction.

The weather was beautiful and it was a great day for a drive to the country.  Cynthia was somehow glad that she let Mama talk her into taking the trip, besides it would give her a chance to see some old friends and catch up on the town gossip and find all the dirty laundry of all the town folk.  She needed to get away from the city.  

The sun beamed through the roof of her Mercedes LS 300.  She drove with the windows down so that she could take in the fresh air and sunshine.  She had driven over 150 miles and decided it may be time to stop and stretch her legs and get a drink, since she hadn’t had a chance to prepare a cooler with soft drinks and bottled water.  She remembered Buckeyes up ahead in Jamestown and decided she would stop there.  

Jamestown was about 175 miles from Sweet Water.  There was The Country Inn and a small store for drivers that wanted to stay overnight.  Cynthia drove around to the back of the store and pulling into the back parking lot she could have swore she saw Jason Bradford’s car.  But she quickly disregarded what she thought was Jason’s car when she saw what looked like two men embracing in the front seat of the car.  How embarrassing.  She felt her skin crawl. And although everything and everyone were looked at as being equal and had come out of the closet she still felt uncomfortable when she saw people of the same sex hanging out in public doing things that only heterosexual’s normally do.  But she realized that we all have to change with the times.  She had nothing against homosexuals or bisexuals she just felt uncomfortable seeing them do certain things in public.  Besides there were certain things that she would not do in public.

Pulling around to park on side of the car in the small parking lot of Buckeye’s the man pulled away from his partner turned around and looking him dead in his eyes she could see that it was Jason.  Their eye’s locked for a whole five seconds, which seemed like an eternity, she couldn’t move, she couldn’t breathe.  Jason’s eye’s locked with her eyes and his mouth dropped as he pulled away from the other male passenger in the front seat of his sedan.  Cynthia felt as if she were frozen in time and could not think of what to do next.  God! What is happening?  What was she seeing?  Was it a dream or some sick trick that someone had decided to play on her?  She reversed the car and sped off tears streaming down her face.  She felt as if her heart had dropped into the pit of her stomach.  She began to feel sick.  She wanted to vomit.  She pulled over.  What would she do now?  What was he doing?  How could he?  She would never be able to face him again.  She began to perspire and feel confused as if all of the wind had been let out of her sails.  Why would a man as sexy as Jason be embraced with another man.  How could she not have known?  The flags were all there.  WOW!  This answered all of her questions of why she never saw him with a woman.  The thought was so horrific and to have witnessed this unthinkable thing for herself left her crying uncontrollably.  How could she face him now?  She wanted to die!!  How would she tell Mama?  She was worse off than Evelyn.  At least Evelyn knew who and what she was dealing with.  Mama!!!!!

Revision Account

My story:

This story was written with no particular person or people in mind. I got more imaginative as the story went on and some things just came to me.  The most wonderful thing I have discovered about writing is, the more you write, and the more you can think of to write the better the story.  I mean I could have gone on and on and on.  I discovered when you talk to other people and ask them to critique what you written, you just have so much more to build on.  I am finally getting the hang of having others read your work, and I finally understand how to appreciate their ability to critique my work. 

The more I took time and thought about the characters in my story I just started to build and create situations.  When I initially sat down to write this manuscript I had no idea where it would go.  I am sure this is the make up of many writers.  But I must say that I am well pleased and I think that if I took my time and really developed the characters and the circumstances this could become a great romance novel.    However, I have chosen to take this one step at a time.

I first gave my story to my co-worker, Vilma Pantlintz, who is an English major and who has accomplished getting her Masters in English.  I must say the things that she said to me reminded me so much of the critiques I would have received from you and the class Dr. White that it was truly uncanny. It was confirmation that your teaching methods are true to form. This is what Vilma had to say:

            Sheila this seems to be the start of an interesting tale.  However, I would like to make the following suggestions (and I am able to only display a few):  This story seems to be told mostly form Cynthia’s point of view.  The information readers are told about Jason seems to come from some other narrator.  To sort out the confusion, perhaps you should tell Jason’s story from Cynthia’s point of view.

Cut down on the length of dialogue and let them (characters) be more realistic.

Show readers an example or two of actual scene interactions of Jason and Cynthia

Have the mother explain to the daughter why some of the other hidden aspects of her life, for example, when she faced a similar experience.  Let the daughter be enlightened by something in her mother’s life.  Tell about how she “let one get away.”

Then Vilma says, Sheila you are setting this story up like a mother daughter tale where the daughter shares more in common with her mama than she realizes.  I wonder if she ends up like her mama I would love to read the whole manuscript.

After reading Vilma’s critique, I tried to go back and change the things that she thought would make the story more interesting.  I added more dialogue for the mom and daughter and I tried to make the story of Jason more interesting.  Yes this is a story told mostly in the first person but I tried to bring life to Jason before setting up the ending.  Thanks Vilma.

I also had classmates Demra Trube and Ron Burton critique my story.

This is what Ron had to say:

Hey Sheila,
Read your story in Starbucks this morning and had to
laugh out loud a couple of times.  There is some
wonderful dialogue between the mother and Cynthia.  I
have a few suggestions that I got from Dr. White,  that
he might say about yours.  I was told that rather than
narrating, have the characters tell the story (have
more dialogue).  Here are a few grammar things I
noticed:

The 3rd paragraph on pg 2 has a lot of repetition with
regards to "as a child".

The 2nd paragraph on pg 3, let Jason tell why Cynthia
is so great.

Pg 4, do something with earthiness would mean
farmer-like; the "ring, ring"  should be italic w/o
quotes; the quotes are misplaced after "Hi Mama, what
are you..."  and "I know baby, I was only calling..."
Name the church function (more interesting)

Pg 5 confusing, "I'll have to make the drive if you're
in need.":  In Mama's conversation about Vera Lee's
daughter, only use a singe quotation mark ' around
Vera's words that Mama is saying, 'How's your
daughter?  Ain't she...'

Pg 6, Last paragraph is confusing who is speaking
because the quotation marks are misplaced.

pg 7, I know Highlands, I was raised there, but
someone else might not know how far away it is from
Sweet Water, nor know the small town mentality:  and
change, It was on the rebound... to I was on the
rebound.  Take out seen in line9; remove quote mark
and continue the quote after "I never thought I would
have to tell you, but after seeing..."

Loved it though, it is a cute intimate story. 

After reading Ron’s contribution, I went ahead and made the all of the necessary changes and I am sure that it will help my story while it also helps me grow as a writer.  I’ve learned that the reader has more insight and can see things that the writer could have possibly overlooked because he is viewing it from a different point. I do appreciate Ron’s input. He has been great in editing a critiquing for me throughout the semester.  I did change as much as I could.   This is what will   help my story grow.  I loved it because he seems as though he really enjoyed the story.    It’s up to me to put the critiques into work and make the story line work for  myself and the characters in my manuscript.

These are the comments of Demra Trube:

Sheila.
Your story is really good. I put the parts I had a
question or suggestion about in bold with my question
or suggestion next to it in brackets. With some
sentences I thought it needed to be reworded, so I
also put that part in bold. If you want to change it
back to the way you had it, that would be fine. I was
confused about why it was called "Jason's Secret". Was
Jason secretly in love with Cynthia? I know he
respected and trusted her a lot, but did Cynthia not
know that? Maybe he secretly knew who her father was,
since that was an important part of the story. I know
that last one is unlikely, but I thought I might as
well throw out different ideas.

With Demra’s critique I went back and used some of the things that she suggested as far as punctuation.  I also tried to go back and incorporate scenes that she had questions to and make the story flow a little smoother.  They were legitimate questions and I felt they would help make the story more interesting. 

The other readers really helped me to develop the story more fully.  I know there is still much work to be done but from the first draft a lot of improvement has been made.  I guess that is why it can sometimes take writers years to complete and re-edit their works.  I have learned that when writing you should take every critique into consideration and hopefully this will help to develop a great story that the reader will want to read.