Joe Cuellar

Lone Pairs ↑↓

Prologue

1

In other times, before the Earth was reshaped, there was a wondrous place of peace and joy. In this place, the children lived among the angels. The angels were loving and powerful creatures that were entrusted with the protection of the children. The King’s eldest son, Lucifer, sat proudly to the Right of the Throne. “The Angel of Light,” as Lucifer was called, was the most revered of the angels. In the days when armies were necessary, Lucifer’s bravery and courage as the commander of the angels were legendary. Now, his Father’s treaties had insured that there would be no need for his warrior skills ever again.

Lucifer and the angels had been granted ever-lasting life by his Father, and only the blow from another immortal could end their eternal lives. His Father had also given the children the same gift calling them “souls.” “Why did Father do that?” Lucifer thought.  “Someday, the souls may come to believe that they are our equals.  They may even believe that they do not need us.  I would have never done that if I ruled the Kingdom,” Lucifer also knew that he would never rule the Kingdom. Even the children, those worthless, pathetic souls, knew that he would not. Lucifer believed the souls were taking him for granted. He heard rumors circulating that some of his exploits were exaggerated. His light was beginning to dim and there was nothing he could do to outshine his Father’s shadow.

2

Lucifer decided it was his turn now: he earned it.  His Father was old. “He cannot possibly rule this entire kingdom on his own”, Lucifer reasoned. “The King should step aside and hand part of the throne to His first and true heir—me”. His impatience grew until one day he asked, “Father, when shall I have a Kingdom to rule as my own?” The Father looked bewildered as He contemplated the question.

“Why do you need a kingdom of your own?  Are you not satisfied with what you have?” asked the King.

“There could be more,” Lucifer responded. 

“All that we need is all that we have. You should not long for any more than you need.  If you keep wanting, when do you know you have enough? No, my son, there is no need for more.”

“But…”

“That is all.”

Lucifer bowed to his Father and left the room.  The King knew it was not the answer that Lucifer wanted to hear.

3

Lucifer was angry at his Father’s decision. “Why should He have all the glory? Why should He alone be worshipped? I did not ask for His kingdom. I only asked for a kingdom of my own. If He will not give it to me, I shall take what is rightfully mine.”

With that, the Angel of Light met with his most trusted lieutenants. Lucifer paced the room as he spoke, “We shall rule this Kingdom and all others like it. We will no longer be obedient puppets to those inferior beings. We made this kingdom what it is.” Lucifer’s voice then trailed into a soft whisper, “…I made it what it is.”  Lucifer noticed his reflection in a large mirror and slowly walked toward it intrigued.  Still mesmerized by the sight of himself, Lucifer spoke again, “I did.  I made this kingdom. I am the warrior that fought for it. I am the most beautiful one of all, just look. I am perfection. I should rule this kingdom. When I am finished, my Father will beg me to take the throne.”

“But Sire,” his senior advisor cautiously asked, “what if He does not?”

Lucifer turned back to face the group, his eyes burning with the rage that was consuming him, “Then we destroy it.”

4

Lucifer’s bands scoured the Kingdom. To defeat his Father, he had to strike at His pride—the souls.  Lucifer’s plan was not to destroy them…yet. He would promise them things his Father never would. He would let the souls see a life filled with riches beyond imagination.  Lucifer would take them to the brink of absolute bliss and then promise even more. That part would be easy. The souls were trusting and naïve. He would use them to begin a rebellion. Lucifer knew his Father would not hand the throne over easily. He knew this would be a battle; he knew this was going to be a war. 

For a moment, Lucifer hesitated. He questioned his own motives. He asked himself if he was doing the right thing. His Father’s words echoed in his head; “when do you know you had enough?” He stood by the window and looked over the kingdom. Then from the south, he saw a fire ball and heard the screams of anguish. A smile crossed his lips and he knew there would be no turning back now. “So it begins,” he said with a thunderous laugh.

5

The war was long, much longer than Lucifer ever believed possible. Casualties of immortals were high on both sides. Too many of the angels had sided with his Father. Too many of those “insignificant” pests had rallied behind his Father. “No matter,” Lucifer told himself, “in the end, it will be mine.” Lucifer looked out upon the Kingdom from atop a hill. The intense fires consumed and destroyed everything in their path. The bodies of angels and souls littered the landscape as far as the eye could see. Amongst them were the rotting corpses of Lucifer’s fallen angels—those that now called themselves daemons.

The daemons number’s dwindled and Lucifer went to the killing ground. Not content with observing anymore, he took to the battle. With every swing of his sword, his blood lust grew. Lucifer made his way to the Palace. He had determined that he would wait no longer. He now believed that only way to claim his prize was to kill his Father. “After all this time, if Father will not surrender, then His head will decorate my mantle,” Lucifer thought. As his fury grew, Lucifer began to cut down everything in his path. Angels, souls and daemons were all struck down. 

6

When Lucifer made his way into the Palace to the Throne room, his Father stood in full armor. “I was waiting for you,” the King spoke in a firm, but loving voice.  “Are you satisfied with what you have done? How long must this continue?”

Lucifer stood in front of his Father. The fires had seared the flesh off his legs and fused his knees in an oddly obtuse angle. His feet now resembled hooves as the leather of his shoes melted. Two bulges on his forehead pulsated as boiling blood flowed through his veins.  Charred spheres sat where his eyes once were. The blood of all his victims blended on his burning body turning what was left of his skin a dark red color.  His blonde hair had turned charcoal-black as it was covered with the soot that burning corpses produce.  His wings had been burnt beyond their former glory and now resembled the leathery wings of a bat.  With no trace of the voice that once led heavenly hymns, Lucifer growled, “This will continue until you step down.”

“I can’t do that. Son…”

“Don’t call me that!” Lucifer snorted “I told you this would be mine; I told you I would have my kingdom.”  Lucifer lunged at his Father with a blow meant to kill. The King easily avoided it and every other subsequent attempt by Lucifer. The King quickly grew tired of his son’s insolent behavior. He deflected Lucifer’s stab and struck him down. The King clutched him by the neck and lifted him. In one motion, He turned Lucifer and ripped the wings off his decaying body and slammed him to the ground. The King took his spear and prepared to lunge it into what remained of Lucifer’s charred heart. 

The King then hesitated as tears filled His eyes. He put the spear down and picked Lucifer’s broken remains off the ground. He embraced him and coddled him as when he was a mere child. “Just repent. Ask forgiveness for what you have done and we can start anew,” the King told him.

“You still can’t do it,” Lucifer responded through sickly laughter. “You cowardly old fool! I am ready to take your life and you still can’t kill me. Your enemy stands before you, defeated, and you can’t finish it. This is why I fought and you got the glory?”

The King carried Lucifer outside the Palace and gently lay him down on the ground. The Father looked around at what had become of His Kingdom. “You wanted a kingdom of your own to rule,” the King quietly spoke. “You now have it.” The King picked his son up and placed the crown on his head. “You are a still a Prince. This darkness you created is yours,” the King told Lucifer as he held him up by his shoulders. “Your name means nothing now. You shall now be known by the name of the ancient evil. Your name will be spoken in shame. Those who worship you worship evil. Those who ally with you will be allied with Satan.”

With tearful eyes, the King kissed his son on the cheek, turned his back, and began walking north. The dark prince struggled to keep himself up. Through angry sobs, he shouted at his Father, “This has only begun. You let me live. I will gather my armies. I will...”  Satan’s legs, no longer able to withstand his weight, collapsed under him. “Oh, Father,” Satan said aloud to no one in particular, “you should have done it.  You should have killed me. You can’t leave me this way.” With his pride and arrogance as crushed as his body, hatred filled his empty shell. As Satan fought for breath, he saw the spear that almost pierced his chest. Satan crawled toward the spear, inching his way on his belly. Using the spear as a crutch, he pulled himself up. Satan leaned against a pillar and looked the spear over. He admired the design of the shaft and the balance of the spear. He then caressed the blade and spoke to it, “You were to take my life, but you did not.  You could not. You knew better. That old fool left you for me. Now, you will help me fulfill my destiny.” Satan straightened up and held the spear above his head. His desire for vengeance held him up through the pain as he began shouting again, “My destiny!  It is my destiny!”  Satan swung the spear around wildly. “I will find you! I will defeat you and I will destroy you! I know you can hear me! I will destroy you!”

7

The King walked aimlessly until he could no longer hear the screams and the stench of death had left his nostrils. The image of what His son had become was vivid in His mind’s eye. “How could I have let that happen?” the King thought as he walked. When He finally stopped and looked around, He found himself alone and surrounded by a void. The King, remembering the glory of His former kingdom, began to shape a new reality. For several days, He toiled alone at the task of rebuilding. After six days, much of His work was complete.  He stood back and saw that it was good.

The sixth day was a joyous one for Him.  The surviving angels, now led by the archangel Gabriel, had found their way to Him. Gabriel told tales of hardship and despair. He also told tales of faith and belief. The angels were confident they would find Him and that He would not desert them. Gabriel then told Him about the souls, “Many were sacrificed by the daemons, but many are lost and could not find their way. The souls need a path to us.”

“We shall create this path,” the King said.  With that, He gathered some mud from the earth and shaped it.  “We shall create a being in our likeness.  He shall rule over this earth.  The souls will use this medium to find us.  We shall call him ‘Man’ and he will be christened ‘Adam’.  When the souls all find their way back, we will regroup.  When we are all together, we will expand the new Kingdom to all places where the light can reach.”  With one breath, he gave Adam life and placed him on the earth.  “We must also be vigilant.  Satan will also try to rebuild his stronghold and not give up easily. He will try to confuse the souls and delay their return,” the King warned. With the renewed hope in their future, the angels and the King rested on the seventh day.

Revision Account—Lone Pairs (Fiction Manuscript)

The work I submitted as my fiction manuscript is the opening of a longer work.  It was initially intended as a prologue of sorts, but after some of the class’ feedback, I believe I am going to opt to use it as a “Book 1” with the rest of the chapters organized in “books”.  Before I continue, let me set some foundation by relating the background to the development of this story.

This began innocently enough out of a question on soul mates.  A person I know and I were discussing the belief in soul mates and the age-old idea of “someone for everyone.”  The idea stuck with me of what happened on the way to these two souls meeting.  There had to be a beginning to it all.  Simultaneously, I questioned what happens after they meet.  The whole “just because” has never been sufficient for me.  I then began remembering some movies that mention a place where souls are kept until their physical being is ready for the soul to inhabit them (i.e., Made In Heaven, The Seventh Sign).  Still the question I had is “how did they get there?”

Somewhere around this same time, I started reading some historical reference on how the caricature of the devil that we know today (red, horns, pitchfork, etc.) came about.  From what I remember, the depiction of Lucifer as the most beautiful angel and how he was second only to God did not make for a good scare tactic.  The image was then changed to a more grotesque and fear-inducing character.  I then visualized the battle in Heaven between the fallen angels and God’s forces and that is where I got the idea of using this as a setting for the transformation of Lucifer to Satan.

I felt that a spiritual change was not enough; it had to be physical and scarring.  The mere fact that Lucifer’s arrogance and pride had grown to the point that he felt he should rule heaven is not enough without him being driven to the point of insanity.  Physical deformations have been used as triggers for insanity before (Harvey Dent going insane and focusing on duality when half his face is scarred by acid—Harvey Dent is Two-Face of Batman books).  In the case of Lucifer, this is a character that is seen by others as the beautiful one, “The Angel of Light” if you will, and eventually he starts believing it.  I wanted to put in how Lucifer is offended by the “Angel of Light” tag since he is not an angel, but the most powerful of the seraphim. As I explained in class, I did not want to go through explaining how the celestial hierarchy is set up.  The couple of sentences describing Lucifer’s hatred for those that called him a mere “angel” were interesting, but in the long run they may have distracted because of the general ignorance of the hierarchy.  I want to find a way to put this back in there and may do it before everything is complete. Lucifer believes that he is so much more above everyone else that he does not understand why he is even among lesser creatures.  By having his body broken and disfigured, it makes Lucifer an even more hateful character. 

The general set up was a bit easier to do; the hard part is not making it sound cliché.  The archetypical stories of Lucifer and God are always centered on good and evil, black and white, with no in-between.  I changed the story to suit my needs by having Lucifer call the King “Father” intentionally with the reasons more evident in later chapters.  In the Bible, God refers to Jesus as His “only begotten son.”  This implies that Jesus is the only child actually fathered by God and the only one who can claim a true lineage to God.  In many sci-fi and horror stories, “creations”, whether a mad scientist’s monster (Frankenstein) or an inventor’s machine (I, Robot), typically refer to their creator as “father”.  In later chapters, I will explore Lucifer’s reaction to discovering he was created and that he is not the first-born son after all.  He is literally a test-tube baby.

I will now discuss my actual revisions and changes based on my reviewer’s comments (JT reviewed this story) and class feedback.  First, JT got to look at an earlier copy.  He pointed out immediately that the use of pronouns, or better said, the overuse of pronouns, can lead to confusion for the reader as far as who is doing what.  I went back to the story and replaced many of the pronouns with proper nouns and removed much of the confusion in some of the passages.  JT then mentioned that I should do more “showing” and less “telling”.  At first, I was not really sure what JT meant.  I e-mailed JT and asked him for some examples.  JT replied to me by telling me, “…the best way to think of showing in the context of writing is to write as if the event is occurring at the time you are describing it”.  This made a lot of sense to me.  JT went on to say, “the reader wants to be caught up in the event as though it were going on around them.”  This was another great piece of advice that really guided me in the right direction (Note—I got this a lot more after reading Ch 22: Dialogue and Thoughts in Three Genres).   I revised the scene where Lucifer is talking to his rebel band about his plans.  The earlier draft just had Lucifer briefly talking with no real description of what was going on around him and the brief dialogue I had given him was pretty much blahh.  I changed it to reflect Lucifer’s pacing the room as he speaks giving him that “general in the war room” feel about him.  I also thought this was a good opportunity to highlight Lucifer’s obsession with himself and how he is convinced that he is better than the rest by having him be “mesmerized by the sight of himself”.  I still have work to do here because this scene is a good opportunity to let the reader see how Lucifer behaves in front of his subordinates.  One last suggestion JT made was to somehow tie Satan back in with the King’s creation of man.  The earlier version closed with a brief retelling of Genesis and there was no mention of Satan again.  JT’s comment made me realize that before the story moves further, Satan has to be reintroduced in some manner.  I did this by reducing the two paragraphs that retold Genesis to a mere one line; “After six days, much of his work was complete.”  Then after the creation of man, I added the King’s warning of how Satan will “try to confuse the souls”.  I feel that these words do not allow the Satan character to be lost several paragraphs back and lets the reader know that Satan is a threat to the King’s newest creation.

I then made further changes and additions based on the class feedback.  Overall, I was satisfied with the class reaction. I was glad that even though I failed to print a copy out of the work, they still enjoyed it. One of the things that I am glad that came across was the description of the transformation of Lucifer to Satan.  I mentioned earlier how the caricature of Satan was born in attempt to instill fear in people.  I thought it would be interesting to show this angel being transformed with fire since fire can be used to mold (as in metal) and to cleanse (high temperature sterilization techniques), but it can also be used to destroy—in this case, the destruction of Lucifer.  After the class’s positive feedback on that piece, I added some more description to the paragraph that is found on the version I submitted.

Another set of comments that I fully agreed with were in relation to the Spear of Destiny.  The Spear of Destiny, in religious history, is the spear that pierced the side of Jesus when he was on the cross.  My initial plan, to introduce the spear in the battle between Lucifer and the King and then use it in later chapters, did not work too well in great part because I named the spear.  Because of the association that the Spear of Destiny has with the crucifixion, this was one piece that felt out of place.  A suggestion from the class to have the spear become the Spear or Destiny at a later time instead of already being the Spear, prompted me to redo the scene.  I now have the King still using a spear, but a nameless one.  I then have Lucifer pick up this spear that was almost used to kill him and vowing to use it to kill his Father.  In addition to this slight change, I added a description of Satan “inching his way on his belly” towards the spear.  I wanted to create a visual image of Satan crawling like a snake toward the spear which comes into play later on in the story (a certain garden with a certain snake).  I then added Satan’s fascination with this spear and how he “caressed the blade and spoke to it,” adding further to Satan’s demise into madness.

A comment was also made about how some of the opening scenarios could be related to later scenes.  This comment made me think about two other pop culture references to Satan; the movie Fallen and the Rolling Stones’ Sympathy for the Devil.   In the movie, a demon jumps from person to person using a mere grazing touch.  Satan should be able to do that and probably better than any demon.  In Sympathy for the Devil, the character singing says, “I was round when Jesus Christ/Had his moment of doubt and pain.”  The movie and the lyrics made me think of how Satan was there (at the crucifixion).  Satan manipulated the entire scenario when he “Made damn sure Pilate washed his hands/And sealed his fate.”  This is where Satan uses the spear to pierce the side of Jesus (therefore the spear reappears).  Satan is also the one that comes up with the idea of the thorny crown in order to mock God’s son and is reminiscent of when the King places the crown on Satan’s head and proclaims him the prince of the “darkness [he] created” (part 6, paragraph 7).

Another line stood out to me; “Please allow me to introduce myself/I’m a man of wealth and taste.” This line had me thinking that this is what Satan tries to have everyone believe about him.  Satan still believes that he is Lucifer—the badass angel who is second to none.  Satan has been referred to as “The Prince of Lies” and this image that he put out about being just as strong as God is just another lie.  As the reader sees early on, Satan got his butt handed to him.  It was not a draw or a standstill; it was a complete butt-whooping.  After some time and Satan heals, he tells the fallen angels that he single handedly drove his Father out.  He relates how he defeated his Father and how he is the one that spared the King’s life.

Other comments from the class that I found interesting and helpful were:

The observation that the “book” had been divided up into seven parts.  This was totally unintentional, but it seemed to fit quite nicely with the closing of this section (on the seventh day, they rested).  I’m not sure if it will work for other chapters, but it seems worth trying.

The general feeling that there should be more description of the King’s character after his show down with Satan.  In the version presented to the class, the King is showing walking away and then rebuilding his kingdom with no display of emotion whatsoever.  I added a bit to allow the reader to see what is going inside the King.  Once again, breaking the normal mold, I did not want the King to be an omniscient figure who knows it all.  He has to be able to question and learn from the mistakes he made—did he give too much freedom? Not enough? I am still revisiting this piece even after the version that I am turning in.

The title does not suit the work.  This I also agree with, but I have not been able to come up with a title that captures the feel of the work as of yet.  That is one thing I will continue to work on and hopefully get a new title soon.

This story is now going to continue through different parts of history as two souls are followed as they desperately seek each other.  The exploits of Satan will also be followed.  Satan figures out how to place hollow shells to confuse the souls and delay their return to the King’s new heaven.  The two souls eventually meet and then the last pair has returned; the King’s armies are now ready to reclaim what is theirs.  But I do not want to make it that easy and play up the Revelations-type story where it is a huge battle for all eternity.  One other aspect that I want to explore is the act of forgiveness.  I want to explore the idea of Satan repenting for all his sins.  Is that even possible?  Most of us are raised believing that all sins can be forgiven, but does that apply to everyone and everything that God created?  I plan to give the “Prodigal Son” parable a completely different spin.

I learned quite a bit from getting class feedback and how a different person reading one’s work really does make a difference.  I plan to utilize this technique more often and hope to call on some of the same people that helped me in the class.  I don’t plan to publish.  I just like writing stuff for myself and to enjoy it with friends and family—but it should at least be good.