LITR 3731: Creative Writing
Student Poetry Submission 2005
Mary Kay Clements
Living
With A Hero
Every
day I watch him dress
Wondering
if he’s thinking “Do I look a mess?”
Once he
has put on all his layers
He
gently kisses me and says “see ya later”
He turns
to head out the door
Walking
proud and seemingly no fear
A few
hours pass and things are too quiet,
Then I
hear the dreaded sirens on the street.
Deep in
my heart I know it is true
He is in
trouble what do I do?
The
phone rings and then I hear
The
sweet sound saying “I’m ok dear”
After I
hang up the phone
I sit
and wait for him to come home
When he
walks through the door I held him tight
Saying
to him “I hate it when you’re out of my sight”
He
smiles and says “I gave it all my might
And
because of this I’m home with you tonight”
By: Mary Kay Clements
Living With A Hero
As I sat around and thought about a topic or get an idea for writing a poem I looked deep inside myself to figure out what had touched my heart and soul. I thought about the one very closest thing to my heart and it turned out to be my husband. The job he does puts me in so much distress and wonderment all of the time. I get scared every time he leaves out through the door wondering if he will be coming home. Every time I hear the sirens go off and he is not home my heart is up in my throat. For the first time in my life I have met a man who I am totally and completely in love with. I want him to be around for many years to come. Because of all my feelings I had to figure out a way to tell him what I go through every night when he was out on the street working. Then I remembered the day I was working at Seaborne Challenge Corps and I had gotten home and taken a nap before I had to go back later that evening. I was awoken by the ringing of the phone and on the other end was my husband telling me not to talk to the press or answer any questions from anyone who calls, and he was alright and would explain when he got home. Because of my job I had to go back and I passed by UTMB where the other officers had been injured and there were cars lined up all along the median of the road. I had already figured out what had occurred with the shootout and for the first time in 16 years my husband had to pull out his gun and actually shoot someone. I was scared and for my husbands life, but yet relieved to hear his voice letting me know he was ok. So I put all my feelings onto a sheet of paper and began making them into the most descriptive words I could think of and the first draft went as follows.
Living
With A Hero
Everyday
I watch him dress
Wondering
if he thinks “Do I look a mess?”
Once
he has put on all his layers
He
gently kisses me and says “see ya later”
He
turns to head out the door
Walking
proud and seemingly no fear
A
few hours pass and things are too quiet,
Then
I hear the dreaded sound ringing in my ear.
Deep
in my heart I know it is true
He
is in trouble what do I do?
The
phone rings and then I hear
The
sweet sound of his voice saying “I’m ok dear”
After
I hang up the phone
I
sit and wait for him to come home
As
he walks through the door I hold him tight
Telling
him I hate it when he is out of my sight
He
smiles and says “It’s all ok I gave it all my might
And
because of this I am home with you tonight
Being one of the first people to read their poetry in front of the class was a little intimidating, but I felt because of other students being published they would offer a lot of criticism about how to change certain problems they had seen on the poem. I really appreciated all of the critics given to me from the rest of the class and they had assisted me greatly in making the changes. Some of the suggestions were changing the second line to explain about wondering if he thinks he is a mess, and taken out the ringing sounds in my ear to explain about the sirens on the street, In line 12 just cutting it down and making it a lot simpler and not as long to get to the point. Lines 15-18 just needed a lot of changing around because it just did not seem to have the flow I was looking for. Once I had made all of the changes I read the poem again out loud and it sounded a lot better than my original version. I did not have a problem with any of the suggestions they just made the poem stronger than the first draft. So following this is the revised version of the poem.
Living
With A Hero
Everyday
I watch him dress
Wondering
if he’s thinking “Do I look a mess?”
Once
he has put on all his layers
He
gently kisses me and says “see ya later”
He
turns to head out the door
Walking
proud and seemingly no fear
A
few hours pass and things are too quiet,
Then
I hear the dreaded sirens on the street.
Deep
in my heart I know it is true
He
is in trouble what do I do?
The
phone rings and then I hear
The
sweet sound saying “I’m ok dear”
After
I hang up the phone
I
sit and wait for him to come home
When
he walks through the door I held him tight
Saying
to him “I hate it when you’re out of my sight”
He
smiles and says “I gave it all my might
And
because of this I’m home tonight”
I learned so much from this type of experience. I would like to use this technique in my own classroom when it is my turn to teach. I feel this will allow the students to become much more comfortable with speaking in front of a class or a group.