LITR 3731: Creative Writing
Student Journal / Portfolio Sample Submission 2005
Lindsay
Niemann
Journal Portfolio for Creative Writing
3731
Introduction
As a Communication major completing my last semester before graduation, I
wanted to take a class that I was certain I would enjoy. Although my advisor told me I should take a public relations
writing course, I opted for a creative writing course instead.
My goal was to temporarily forget about the mechanics of newspaper and
concentrate on a more enjoyable and more creative free style of writing.
I had taken magazine publication the semester before and had the itch for
literature. And now, at the end of
my last semester and at the end of Dr. White’s creative writing class, I am
thinking about obtaining my master’s degree in humanities so I can take more
literature courses.
I have been writing poetry for most of my life, but for the past ten or
so years, I have become very serious about it.
I knew that Dr. White’s creative writing course would cover poetry, but
that wasn’t really the area that I wanted to focus on. My poetry could always use improvement, but what I really
wanted to do was try my hand at writing short fiction stories.
I had no idea the class would also include drama, and although I was a
little apprehensive at first, I enjoyed that section of the class immensely.
When we first started the lesson on poetry, I wasn’t sure what to
expect or if I was going to learn anything new.
I had already briefly studied poetry in the past, and I somewhat knew
what my strengths and weaknesses were. What
I didn’t have was a lot of feedback. The
poem, Hillcroft, that I presented and submitted for a grade was written
during, what I refer to as, my “Poetry Peak,” which took place about seven
years ago when I had just turned 21. Ever
since then, I haven’t felt like anything I have written has topped what I was
writing back then, at least, that’s what I use to think before taking this
creative writing class. Now, I
realize I have come a long way since then, and the progression of
Hillcroft just in this semester proves that point.
For my fiction piece, I submitted a short, ten page story entitled, Night
Hiking. I spent considerable
time on this story, and found the text book to be more helpful than it was for
poetry, perhaps because I just needed it more.
Night Hiking was fun to write, and I seemed to enjoy it more than
writing poetry because I felt like I had more freedom.
When it comes to writing fiction, I feel like a whole new door has been
opened up to me.
For the drama submission, I had a difficult time deciding on what to
write about. I kept racking my
brain for an idea, and I finally came up with Conquering Butterflies, a
short piece about the pains of stage fright.
The drama assignment was an insightful lesson about the fine art of
dialogue, scene and setting. It
helped me to really pay attention to the way people talked and how they react to
one another.
Dr. White’s creative writing course was a welcomed change from all the
newspaper courses I had taken in the past two years.
I am, once again, convinced that literature could be more than just a
hobby for me if I keep on track and continue writing everyday.
The feedback and advice I received from fellow students and from Dr.
White helped me to re-discover my strong points and work on my weak points. The
work that I have done in this creative writing class, and the work that I have
heard from others, has inspired me to attend poetry readings, join a writer’s
circle and become more involved in the world of literature.
The
Development of Hillcroft
I first wrote this poem about six years ago, but it sounded entirely different than it does now. I was up at the office on a Sunday afternoon playing on the Internet. I did have some research to do, but after that, I started surfing the Web for information and pictures of my favorite musicians. I took a break from the computer to have a smoke and went into the other room where the now outlawed act was actually permitted (thank God for bosses who smoke). Starring out the big glass window of the office, I let the scenery of the city inspire me as I often do. Looking down on parking lots, traffic, pigeons, and skyscrapers, it really didn’t take long for me to formulate something in my head. When I returned to my computer, I grabbed a pen and paper ( I like to hand-write before I type) and wrote down what I had.
When I write poetry, or anything else for that matter, I have the tendency to get stuck on certain words, and instead of going on and finishing the rest of the poem, I keep thinking about the “perfect word” and then I lose the inspiration altogether. That didn’t happen with Hillcroft. The words flowed and the poem was finished within thirty minutes. At the time, I was satisfied with what I had written, but a couple of years later when I was looking for a poem to submit for possible publication, Hillcroft was not my first choice.
I pulled out the poem, read over it, and decided it needed serious help before I tried getting it published. I put it aside and chose something else. It wasn’t until I took this creative writing class that I decided to do something with Hillcroft.
The original version of the poem was choppy with very little alliteration and no real form. The end was kind of offensive as I mention something about too many handicapped spaces not being put to good use. I didn’t want to offend the physically challenged community. So, I knew the end had to be changed but that wasn’t the only part that had problems. Parts of it were unclear and too vague, other parts were poetically challenged, but I knew the poem had potential—I still liked it. I liked the topic and the ideas I presented in the poem. The transformation process was not as difficult as I imagined it would be. It had been several years since I first wrote the poem, and I had long ago quit that office job. But the feelings still remained as did Houston and all its components.
Original
Version of Hillcroft
I stayed up late one night revising the poem with my favorite CD’s playing on my stereo and a mixed drink at my side. I was relaxed and happy to be writing, although I was still disappointed in myself for not trying to write a new poem. By the end of the night, I felt confident and comfortable about reading the poem out loud to the class (as comfortable as I could be anyway) and whimsically considered the poem done.
Revised
Version of Hillcroft
I enjoyed the comments from my classmates and was pleased with what they had to say. They complimented my poem with commentary regarding the poem’s ability to capture a mood, the imagery and fresh language. They said it had nice alliteration and flowed well. The parts of the poem that I thought still needed help were the same parts they said I might want to change, in particular, the ending of the poem, but they weren’t sure about what I should do with it either. They did, however, suggest that I should take out the brackets I had inserted around two or three lines, which I did because, well, they were right. They also suggested that I should take out the repetitive verses at the end, but I decided against it.
Dr. White also agreed that the ending had problems. In his e-mail to me, he suggested that I need to “sing more” at the end. He also said that because my repeated verses are not “particularly luminous,” the repetition “nails the coffin.” I like the repetition because I feel like it solidifies (I’m not sure that’s the word I’m looking for) the whole point of the poem. “Upon Monday’s arrival” marks my weekly return to a humdrum, 9 to 5 existence where I watch the world fly by in a chaotic series of panoramic flashes. Although I am still not completely satisfied with the ending, I am relatively happy with how the poem turned out. I have yet to figure out how to change the ending or what exactly it needs, but my poems are always works in progress, and I’ll probably return to Hillcroft later when I’m looking for something “new” (preferably something that won’t get rejected like everything else) to submit for possible publication. If I work on one poem for too long, I start to lose interest, and the poem always reflects this reluctance.
Final
Version of Hillcroft (for now)
The
Development of Where Yellow Rocks Rest
Where Yellow Rocks Rest was a spur of the moment poem. After reading the first poetry reading assignment and reading some of the poems in chapter two, I was inspired to write. I picked a familiar topic that I was used to writing about. Yellowstone National Park (my obsession). I worked there for six months and have two journals dedicated to the experience. The poem was not difficult to write (as poems go) and I am happy with the outcome, but it can always be better. It’s a new poem and will probably be revised many times, but I hope to have it published someday.
Where
Yellow Rocks Rest
The
Development of Night Hiking
Night Hiking came about through a series of random quotes that
came to me one day while I was writing in my journal.
I was toying with the idea of writing about a hiking trip I gone on while
working at Yellowstone National Park, but I intended on changing it up quite a
bit to make it more interesting. I
didn’t know where I was going to use the quotes, but I knew I could work them
in somewhere. I began writing in
kind of a linear fashion, a train of thought, just like I would if I were
writing in my journal about something that had just happened, and I needed to
hurry up and record the events. I
envisioned myself back in the mountains of Montana and back on that poorly
planned hike that was enjoyable only upon reflection.
I mention in the short story that the hikers forget to bring a flashlight
and this little drama actually happened. The
real hike back down the mountain was treacherous, and the full moon was
hidden behind clouds, but there was no actual snow storm.
All the characters in the story are based on real people, but I did
change the names. Even their
actions and personalities are pretty much true to form.
The stereotypical descriptions in the story are, rather frighteningly,
true descriptions of people I knew while working in the park.
My fellow Yellowstone co-workers and I decided to hike up the Elephant
Back Trail to see a full moon reflect off Lake Yellowstone. We had been working together for about a month and got along
pretty well. My roommate and I
really did get out hiked and the terrain was just as bad as I described in the
story. Fallen trees did cover the
trail from massive wind storms that would blow through, and the knocking sound
described in the story is also taken from my own experience.
The exaggerations that make it an actual fictitious story are somewhat
obvious. No one on the hiking trip
brought a gun, at least not as far as I know, and nobody died.
“Brad” did pretend to fall off the mountain on the hike back down by
throwing a huge rock over the side scaring the crap out of all of us, and I just
took that incident and turned it into a gun scare.
Also, on the real hike, no one brought any rum, but we still weren’t
exactly sober.
I also changed the setting of the story to make it less realistic to me.
The story is set in the Crazy Mountains instead of Yellowstone, and the
trail is the Camel Back Trail instead of the Elephant Back Trail.
The Crazy Mountains do actually exist in Southern Montana, but the Chico
Ski Resort is somewhat made up. Chico
Hot Springs exists in Southern Montana as well as the Chico Mountains but there
is not an actual Chico Ski Resort.
Random
Journal Quotes for Night Hiking
Night
Hiking
When I did the draft exchange report for Night Hiking, I was
extremely nervous about the feedback I would receive.
This was my first real attempt at writing a short story, and I had no
idea what to expect. I first sent
the story to Devon, who responded with much-welcomed positive feedback as well
as some suggestions for changes that could be made. She loved the stereotypical descriptions of my characters and
the ending scene when the narrator is trying to find her way back to the
campsite during a snow storm. Devon
thought that the scene where Rachel gets up and leaves the group happens a
little too quickly. I agreed with
her and threw in a line or two relaying some sort of time lapse.
Both Devon and Dr. White thought that Night Hiking was part of
something bigger. I don’t know
what to do about that. I had not
intended to write more. That ending
scene was supposed to be it. The
narrator freaks out, she’s in denial and intends on blaming the incident on
Brad. “Brads stray bullet, that’s what happened.
It was Brad’s bullet.” I
kind of like the way the story ends abruptly.
My want was for readers to draw their own conclusions about what happens
to the narrator. Does she go to jail? Does
anyone find out? What about her
co-workers? What will they think?
I seemed to think that what happens to her is redundant, but I guess
I’m not so sure now.
Devon
was extremely helpful and encouraging and I would like to keep in touch with her
and discuss the abrupt ending in more detail.
I also sent a copy of Night Hiking to Audra, but she didn’t have
any suggestions for me. She said
the story “really sucked,” (sorry, I couldn’t help myself). She
said the story “really sucked her in” and she didn’t see any changes that
could be made, but I don’t know if that means she liked the abrupt ending—I
never asked.
I’m
in limbo when it comes to this story, and I’m going to need more feedback
before I do anything else, but it is one of the most enjoyable things I’ve
ever written. I was actually giddy
when I wrote the ending scene.
Original Ending for Night Hiking
Slowly, I reached for my back pack, felt around, and pulled out Brad’s handgun. I gripped it with both hands, placed my right index finger over the trigger, and pointed it towards the darkness where the sound was heard. I waited, stone still and alert. Something was rustling and I saw a dark form emerge from the dense forest, and, without thinking, with the jerk of my nervous finger, I pulled the trigger and an unexpected shot rang through my ears. An elk ran past me and I jumped to my feet at the sight of it. “An elk,” I laughed, “that’s all it was,” but I saw something else in the snow. I saw a dark form in the snow, and I think I even heard it hit the ground. I crept closer. Whatever it was wasn’t moving. “Oh God,” I whispered. The form was familiar. I stood over it with a blank stare fighting off the urge to faint. I stood over it in disbelief. “Oh God,” I repeated. “No…Rachel? Rachel? It can’t be.” My voice was loud and intrusive. My eyes were frozen and my body was locked in place. Snow was still steadily falling and the wind sounded more like an ocean. I stood there, no longer affected by the weather. I stood over her contemplating the reality of the situation. I panicked. “What were you doing out here, Rachel?”
The
original ending scene for Night Hiking was written in an hour long
sit-down. I was writing like a mad
woman, cursing my cheap pen when it failed to produce ink.
It was four in the morning, but I couldn’t stop writing, I had to
finish that last scene. After
struggling with the part where the narrator realizes what she’s done, I called
it quits and put down my pen. The
next day, I transferred the ending scene to my computer making changes along the
way. The original ending scene is
missing the explanation for the knocking sound and the part where the narrator
blames the incident on Brad, but it’s not that different from the version I
submitted for a grade.
The
Development of Conquering Butterflies
I thought about what I was going to write for my drama submission for about a month. I just couldn't make up my mind. I was reluctant to write a drama and had already heard a few of my classmates’ dramas that were really good. I thought about doing a high school setting where a group of kids are discussing the upcoming prom, but it just wasn't coming to me. I also thought about doing a scene set in the late 1960s where a group of students are attending Berkley and discussing the peace movement, but that was just way too involved. Finally, the idea of stage fright came to me. I have always had a fear of public speaking, and although it is not completely debilitating, I still struggle with it every time I have to give a presentation. I figured something like this would be easy to write about since it's so familiar to me. When I was taking a public speaking course about three years ago, my instructor told us that people fear public speaking more than death. This bit of information stuck with me through the years, and I knew I would be able to use it in my play.
Deciding on the characters I wanted to include in my drama script was easy. I remembered than Karen kind of freaked out the first day of class when she found out that we had to give presentations, so she was the perfect victim. Most of the dialogue in the play takes place when the characters are outside on a break and this was true to form. Karen, Mary Kay, Bonnie and myself always went outside on break to smoke, so I just worked it into the play.
The most difficult parts to write were the bathroom scene and the ending
scene. I didn't know how realistic it was to have Karen sort of freaking out and
talking to herself in the bathroom, but I figured it was the only way for me to
really show how fearful she was. The last scene where she's actually giving the
presentation was especially difficult to write because I couldn't very well
include the entire presentation, but I had to do something with it since it is
the key scene.
Original
Version of Conquering Butterflies
After presenting and performing the play in class, I was pleased to see
that everyone laughed when they were supposed to laugh.
That was my main fear. No
one really had any qualms about Karen facing the wrong way during her
presentation, but they did suggest that she should turn around towards the end,
and I agreed. That part is kind of
awkward anyway, but I wanted her to have a unique way of dealing with stage
fright instead of having her visualize the audience in their underwear or
something over done like that. The
class also suggested I make Karen’s presentation a bit longer and use the same
kind of language that I used with Devon’s beginning presentation.
I made both of these changes in the revised version.
(The concept sentence and theme sentence were the first things I wrote
after deciding to write about stage fright, and they didn’t really require
much revision.)
Revised
Ending for Conquering Butterflies (appended to original posting)
The
Development of My Journal/Portfolio
While trying to decide on how to get started on this overwhelming
project, I realized that my biggest problem was figuring out how it should be
formatted. So much information and
creative work had to be put into this thing, and I wasn’t sure where
everything needed to go. As Dr.
White had assigned the class to do, I consulted the course’s Web page for
examples of journal/portfolios from past students.
The first one I looked at was from a female student whom I just randomly
selected. Her JP did not contain as
much information as I had expected. I
didn’t see a conclusion, and it just didn’t seem as involved as mine was
threatening to be. It did help me
somewhat decide on how I wanted to set mine up.
I randomly picked another female name and was impressed with what I saw.
Her JP contained much more detail than mine ever could, and her set up
was simple and without confusion. I
actually forgot about my own JP for a while because I was so involved in reading
her material. I thought, whatever I
did, I needed to improve my game, so to speak, as a writer and a student.
The third and final name I picked was a male name.
(I didn’t want to be sexist). His
JP was set up like the first one I read, but he included more detail in his.
It wasn’t as involved as the second one I read, but it was much more
personal. His JP was kind of a middle ground between the two and more
along the lines of what I was going for.
Like Goldilocks, I found his JP to be just right.
Looking at previous JPs helped me, not only to construct my JP, but also,
it helped me see the variety of options I had and how other people tackled this
project.
Conclusion
Dr. White’s creative writing course was a refreshing change from the
tightly constructed manner of writing for newspapers.
While taking this course, I was also working as a reporter for the Clear
Lake Citizen to fulfill my internship requirement. I would be working on news stories, trying to be as creative
as possible, as creative as permitted, but I couldn’t wait to go home and do
some “real writing.” The
internship is now over as is the creative writing class, and I’ve known all
along were my loyalty lies. Anything
creative and flowery that I managed to slip into my news articles was quickly
cut by my editor, but this behavior is welcomed in a creative writing course.
I could voice my opinion, play with words and write about anything my
heart desired. I find it to be
quite a difficult task juggling these two drastically different forms of
writing, and they both end up suffering as a result.
With
graduation in close proximity, I am facing another great shift in the atmosphere
of my life. Two years of learning
about inverted pyramids, obtaining the right quote, writing leads and conducting
interviews has been an informative and productive experience. I learned quite a bit about the world of publishing and how
not to get sued. I’ve had a
multiple amount of articles published in newspapers, and I had a non-fiction
piece published in Bayousphere, but I no longer wish to write for a newspaper,
and I’m not sure that I ever did. It
was great exposure, but I just can’t bite the tongue of my creative voice.
I don’t have it in me. I
know where my loyalty lies and it’s not with the black and white mechanics of
newspaper journalism.
After
taking this creative writing course, I know I want to take more literature
classes. I thoroughly enjoyed the
workshop aspect of the class, and the feedback I received from my fellow
classmates helped me out more than anything.
Just having another set of eyes and ears really assists the writing
process.
As
for getting published, I usually just submit anything and everything.
This system doesn’t always work, but I figure, what have I got to lose?
I have received many rejection letters from various editors, but I have
also been published in Bayousphere and in four anthologies published by The
National Library of Poetry. First
and foremost, I would like to work
on having Night Hiking published. I
have already started researching the market and trying to find a magazine that
would come close to publishing my story.
I
am also currently working on a novella/journal about my stay in Yellowstone.
It was an interesting
summer, and I’ve got a lot of material with which to work. The Japanese Mafia,
nearby fires, skydiving, bears, fugitives; it was one hell of a summer.
I
am not completely ridding myself of journalism.
I have always thought that maybe travel journalism would be something I
might enjoy, but for now, I’m going to concentrate on keeping in the groove of
writing poetry and short stories.