LITR 3731: Creative Writing
Student Fiction Submission 2005

Tara Orr

Her Place

            The first time Elese heard the song “Coming Home” by Peter Schilling she had been in her jeep driving to her office.  She liked it instantly.  The rhythm had been quick and sharp; the singer’s melodies were slightly off. She liked the way he seemed to sing to her.  She knew what it was like to be drifting and falling, to seem to be out of control.

“At least Major Tom was going home.  I wish I knew where home was.”

Elese had never fit in with her family or friends.  She had been adopted as a teen, so stability was not one of her strong points.  Someone had found her after she had been beaten badly and abandoned to death.  All she could remember when she woke up was the image of a girl, more like a nimble shadow, running after her.  She knew the family loved her, but she was restless and fought their conformity, their shackles, in every way.  She didn’t like popular music or clothes or care if she was well liked.  Her blue eyes were always stormy, reflecting her volatile nature.  She wanted to know was where she was supposed to be in this world.  All her mom or dad could tell her was that she belonged with them.  Elese knew they were wrong.  She had turned twenty-three and still had no idea of who she was, except that she didn’t fit here and part of her liked it that way.

“Watch what you’re doing! You idiot!”  The yelling of the driver next to her jolted Elese back to reality.  She swerved back into her lane and tried to focus on the road.  Her lack of sleep was starting to cause havoc during the day.

“I’ve got get some sleep.  This fatigue is killing me.  Nice dreams or not, I’ve got to do something.”  Lately she had been having dreams.  Normally, she couldn’t remember them, but now they were vivid and physical; they had depth.  They had been scary at times, wonderful at others.  Yet, she always felt like she belonged in them.  She seemed to be happy, welcomed.  The only problem was that she couldn’t quite see herself in them.  She was living them, so it was like she was looking out into the ephemeral haze of her dreamscape.  They were becoming stronger and she was waking up tired and longing for the places she had been.  Her dreams were starting to become her obsession.  Somehow, she knew the place in her dream was real.  The screeching of a horn behind her woke her up again. 

“Damn.  I passed the office.”  Elese turned at the corner to backtrack to her building when she saw the neon sign.  Madame Cali: Psychic.  Without thinking, Elese pulled into the parking space of the old building.  The walls were made of stone; they were almost cobbled together and were covered in dark streaks from years of rain coming down the surface in rivulets.  She sat in her jeep for a few moments staring at the building.  The neon light hadn’t really been on but she got out of the jeep and walked up the steps to the wooden double doors anyway.

“What am I doing here? I really am an idiot!”  She turned to leave without knocking when the door opened making her jump.  Half hidden by the darkness of the house, the woman standing there seemed to smile.

“Can I help you?”

“I’m sorry.  I don’t know why I stopped but I’ll be on my way now.  Sorry to bother you.”  Elese cringed with embarrassment. 

“Hi.  I’m Cali.  Are you sure you don’t want to stay?  I just brewed a pot of tea.  Care for some?”  The woman looked younger than Elese had expected and was dressed casually in jeans and a halter-top.  She’s even barefoot.  I think I’ve found the only young, hippie, earth mother medium in town.  “Is everything alright?  You’re staring.”

“Oh, crap.  I’m sorry.  I really do have manners, they just don’t seem to be around right now.”  Cali seemed to put her at ease.  It must be her aura.  Elese tried to hide her snicker with a response.  “I guess ended up here for a reason, so yeah, I’ll stay awhile.”

“Good.  Come on in.”  While Cali didn’t fit the mold of a psychic, the house she led Elese through seemed to have supernatural elements itself.  It was cluttered with unusual things and the lighting was dusky.  It was as if she had gathered up twilight and brought it indoors.    For a long time the two women talked and drank tea, sharing ideas and memories.  Elese watched Cali chatting about her youth and felt homesick.   I don’t even have the memories of a child.  Sucks to be lonely me.    The more she gazed at the girl in front of her the more she realized the girl’s eyes were really intense, dark and almost seemed to absorb the light from the room around them.  They’re like liquid black but with no shine, like they want to devour the air, like something’s missing.  She shook the image out of her mind and focused on listening to Cali.  By now the subject had changed.

“What are you thinking?  You’re drifting somewhere else.”  Elese thought for a second and let out a sigh while she shrugged her shoulders.  However, Cali didn’t seem satisfied with the response.   Again she probed Elese.  “Do you know why you’re here?”

Elese swirled the dregs of her tea around in the blue china cup watching the fragments of rosehips and peppermint make images in the lukewarm pink liquid.  “I don’t know why.  Well, yes, I guess I do know.  I’ve been having dreams.”  She looked up at Cali’s face waiting to see a bemused look there but she seemed intent on what Elese said.  “They’re not just ordinary dreams.  They always happen in the same place; it’s night and it feels like I’m acting out some fantasy.  The dreams seem so real I feel like I’ve lived them.  I wake up exhausted and yet fulfilled.  I don’t know why, but I think that I’ve been to the place in my dreams.  I think it’s real.  I’m not sure if I’m going crazy, but some days I don’t want to wake up from that place.  I guess that’s why I’m here.  Are they more than startling dreams?” 

“Maybe I can help you.”  Cali came closer and knelt before Elese’s chair.  “Let me see your hands.”  There was a shock when Cali touched her, followed by a flash of fear.  Cali didn’t seem to register the charge and Elese fought it.   This woman has been nothing but nice to me.  Get over these stupid shivers.   Cali studied Elese’s hands, trailing her nails along the lifeline, the love line and the other signs Elese’s hands had to offer.  Elese sat there silently and really looked at the other woman’s features.  She was auburn haired where Elese was blonde, and she was olive skinned where Elese was milky.  She was almost too slender, like she wasn’t really nourished.  Like her black eyes are consuming her from the inside out.  Yet, the more Elese looked the more she saw that she and Cali really looked very much alike. We’re dark and light versions of the same face.  She panicked and involuntarily jerked her hands.  Run.  Run away.  But Cali’s hands held fast to the fair flesh. 

“I can’t believe I’ve finally found you.”  The words were a whisper, a crawling breath.  “We’ve been apart too long.  We’ve both been weak and empty without the whole.”

“What are you talking about?  I’ve never seen you before.”  Nausea washed over her and Elese had to fight down the bile that suddenly seemed to be burning her throat.  She stood and tried to yank her hands away but Cali pulled down hard, her nails digging into flesh, forcing her painfully back into the chair.  Her hands are so thin, too strong.  “Let me go!”

The face that looked up at her was contorted by fury.  “Oh, no.  You’re not running away again.  You got away last time, although I made sure you wouldn’t remember the truth.  That might have been bad for both of us.”

“Leave me alone, you freak!  I don’t know you!”  Elese hadn’t realized she was crying until she tasted the tears.  Part of her wanted to run, crawl, fly away, whatever it took.  What scared her was that some small part of her resonated with a sense of belonging. 

“That’s not true.  You can feel it.”  Cali seemed to be melancholy and mocking all at once.  “Look at me.  We look just a little bit too alike to not be connected, to not know the other.” She stood forcing Elese to sit back down by shoving a foot in her stomach, never letting go of her hands.  Elese knew Cali was enjoying her pain.  I’m being punished.  “Come on, Elese.  Think about the dreams.  They’re so real but you just can’t seem to touch them.  You just can’t seem to feel it all, like you’re living vicariously.  You have been.  It hasn’t been you in the dreams; it’s been me.”  Cali started reciting bits and pieces of the dreams. Details, emotions and places Elese thought she had only seen in her mind.  She wasn’t sure how long Cali talked, but she felt drained.  She had been hollowed out by the words.  Her own dreams stolen, shared by someone uninvited. 

“We are two images, double stamped on the same coin, Elese.  We have needed each other, searched for each other for too long now.”

Then the pain set in.  She felt Cali’s nails digging into her flesh, forging into the muscle beneath the skin in her hands, but there was no blood.  She watched, stunned at the foreignness of her own body.  Then she felt, watched as her flesh started to swell.  Cali stared at her almost blissfully, with a hunger. 

“NO!”

She heard voice echo in the house but it was muted and defeated.  They were becoming one.  The dreams, the emptiness, the searching, they all made sense now.  They just didn’t matter anymore.  Elese closed her eyes and listened to Cali’s voice wash over her thick and heavy.  “You can’t fight me.  You are me.  We are dark and light blended into one.”

It seemed an eternity when she finally opened her eyes again.  She was on the floor, so she pulled herself up and took a minute to regain her balance.  I’m so thirsty.  Gotta get some water.  She slowly walked towards the other room, feeling the softness of the rug on the bottom of her feet.  She had almost passed the mirror before she caught her reflection.  She stopped and stared for a while.  Smiling, she pulled her soft red hair away from her grayish eyes and tucked it behind her ears.  She walked away from the mirror, laughter in her voice as she called out “Welcome home.”     

Draft Exchange Report

Author’s report on draft exchange:

            The draft exchange worked out really well for me.  I didn’t think that I would like the process as much as I did.  Everyone was really receptive.  Other than having some computer problems getting my work out, the process went smoothly.  For a draft exchange from class, I asked Daniel to look at my story.  The other person I had review the story is a friend of mine from the creative writing class I’m auditing at ACC.  She’s been reading my work for a few years now, so I knew she wouldn’t hold back. 

First reader: Daniel Davis

Tara,

  Wow, I feel like a nerd after sending you my little story!  That was an awesome short story, I think one of the most impressive things about it is the way you develop Elese as a character so well in so short a time.  The story flowed well and the end was just intense. I can’t think of a better way to say that.

        I was a little confused as to whether or not the whole episode was another dream, or whether it really happened.  But at the same time, if it was much more explicit, then it would lose some of its power.  Regardless of whether or not there are any changes made to the end, the story does a great job of letting us feel what the characters are feeling, which is something I want to get better at myself.  Anyway, as far as constructive criticism, I am afraid I am drawing a blank.  It was a great piece and I appreciate the opportunity to read it.

Second Reader: Michelle Whitsitt – ACC Creative Writing classmate

Tara,

            I like the idea for your story. There are a few areas that I thought were a bit vague. There are also a few grammatical errors that I marked in red. How were Elese and Cali separated? What was the catalyst for that event? The two women were obviously one before “whatever” happened. The fact that they are the same person is the major twist in your plot, but you never explain the reasoning behind what has happened to them. Fantasy stories need to be vague, but there also needs to be a point at the end where the vagueness is explained. Like I said, I love the plot and it was well executed, but I would have liked to see more detail in some places.

Author’s final comments:

This story started out as an odd idea a few years ago.  I have always been a fan of science fiction, fantasy and fiction that is kind of on the fringe so it seemed natural to me to write a story about someone being lost in their own world.  The story is basically about the opposing sides of one person warring with each other.  Eventually, one side finds a way to break free and live a life where she is not one side of being but a complete entity on her own.  Unfortunately, as with all wishes, there is a down side; she feels lost and incomplete since part of the separation includes a wiping of her other side, and her origins, from her memory.  Not only that, the process of being torn into two would have to violent, as is the joining at the end, with resulted in her being found bruised and beaten. 

            Beyond the basic physical level of the story, I wanted there to be an underlying foundation of deeper meaning in the story.  For me, the struggle between the light and dark sides of our psyche has always been interesting to me.  There are so many angles to tackle that fight from: psychologically, ethically and religiously.  It is a fascinating thought to think that we could try and completely wipe away our ties from our past mistakes, humiliations, or fears.  At the same time, I didn’t really want this to come off as a “moral” story.  I wanted there to be a gnawing at the reader that something just isn’t right.  The deeper stuff is there if you want to follow it. 

            The input I received from both Daniel and Michelle was helpful, especially in the grammar department where I’m weakest.  I went through and made all the grammar changes I was advised to do and tried to clarify who was speaking or what was being discussed in some places.  One point that Michelle had a problem with was that the dialogue was “too choppy” and needed to be combined into longer paragraphs to make it a smoother read.  I fought her on this because I wanted there to be a sense of disjointed time and space.  After all, Elese is about to be combined with another woman, she doesn’t remember, into one living being.  There’s nothing smooth or calming there.

            I do see what they mean by vagueness in the fact that there isn’t a clear reason laid out in the story why Elese wants to be alone.  The ending seems a little confused, but I feel that I left a few good clues that they were joined again.  The hair and eye color of the woman at the end are the results of the combining of dark and light.  I do want to clear it up some and would like to refine the piece for future use.