LITR 3731: Creative Writing
Student Drama Submission 2005 

Audra Caldwell

Final Drama Manuscript:

Distractions

Characters:

Audra: Mother/ Online Student

Michael: Father

William: New baby

Concept Sentence: A first time mother attempts to finish school online, through all the distractions of working from home and a new family.

Audra: (At home on the computer, talking to herself) Ok, now he is finally asleep! Let’s see if I can get this paper finished, now where was I?  Oh yeah, “The literary aspects in Pride and Prejudice are comic because...” (In the back ground a baby begins to fuss)Please go back to sleep, please go back to sleep, please go back to sleep. I have to finish this paper by Monday. (Halfway relieved) He is obviously not going back to sleep. (Sarcastically)Well at least I almost got one sentence finished.

A few minutes later the baby is back asleep, Audra is just sitting back down to the computer, and the phone begins to ring.

Audra: (To herself and getting frustrated) Ah, I’m never going to get this paper written. I wish I knew how to turn the stupid ringer off, but no we had to get the most high tech phones available. Heaven forbid you just pick it up and talk into it.

(Answering the phone) Hello? … (Still frustrated) No mom, I haven’t made the reservations for graduation yet. … I know I need to get it done, but I have other things to do also… Yes, I will email you as soon as I have it done. Listen I have to go, William is finally asleep and if I don’t finish this paper you may not have to worry about graduation plans…  Ok, bye. (To herself)Now back to this paper.  Ok, it’s 4:45. I have about 30 minutes to work on this paper before Michael gets home from work. (Pause) Oh Crap! I haven’t set anything out to thaw for dinner. Hmmm, maybe we can just order pizza, yeah that sounds good.  Oh quit worrying about dinner, Focus Audra, Focus. 

(The door bell rings.)

Audra: (throwing her hands up) You have got to be kidding me. (Answering the door)

          Hey, what are you doing home so early, and why are you ringing the door bell? 

Michael: (pulling Audra close) Hi, Sweetheart! Well, my boss let me off work early today to bring you a surprise and I forgot my key. 

Audra: (forgetting about her paper) Well I am surprised.

Michael: (slyly) Me being home early is not the only surprise.

Audra: More? What is it?

Michael: Well, just go and get ready. We are going to Dallas.

Audra: To Dallas? (Suddenly remembering her paper) What? I can’t go to Dallas I have a paper due on Monday, and everything in the world has distracted me today. I have too much to do. I’m so sorry.

Michael: Well, don’t you at least want to know why we are going to Dallas.

Audra: You know I do. 

Michael: My boss surprised all of the sales men with tickets to go see a Texas Rangers game.

Audra: (eyes lighting up) Baseball tickets!

Michael: (Proudly) Yep, and good ones too. We will be sitting right behind the Ranger’s dugout. Now go get ready, we have to leave soon if we are going to make it in time for the game. I know you want to go.

Audra: Of course I do! (Pause) I guess I could take a break for the night, but tomorrow it is all business.  

Michael: Deal! Now go get ready.

The next afternoon; Audra is working on the computer. Michael is trying to get William down for a nap, while he begins to fuss louder and louder.

Michael: (rocking the baby and humming) Shhhh. (the baby cries louder, and Michael frustrated) Honey, I think William is hungry. You’ll have to come feed him.

Audra: Michael, I just fed him an hour ago, plus I’m trying to work on my paper. Try rocking him.

Michael: You know he hates it when I rock him.

Audra: (Going to get the baby) Well William does hate it when you rock him.

Michael: (handing the baby to Audra) How much more do you lack on your paper?

Audra: Let’s just say I’m not close to being finished.

Michael: What does that mean?

Audra: (getting teary eyed with frustration) It means I’m going to be up all night. I just can’t seem to concentrate. And now that the deadline is getting so close I am beginning to stress and that is making it even harder to concentrate!

Michael: (wiping a tear from Audra’s face) Calm down honey. It is ok you can get this done. What can I do to help?

 Audra: (calming down) I don’t know. I have been staring at that computer screen for at least 20 minutes and just can’t seem to think of anything to say.

Michael: Maybe you just need it a little quieter around here so you can concentrate better. Why don’t William and I go out for a while so you can work?

Audra: (Ignoring Michael) Hey, I have an idea. We have all been cooped up inside this afternoon, why don’t we go for a walk at the park.

Michael: You need to work on your paper.

Audra: Well, Maybe it will calm William down and I could use the time to clear my mind so I can really work hard when we get home.

Michael: (unconvinced) Are you sure you have time for that?

Audra: Well, sure I do. I’ll finish the paper tonight.

(The three walk out)

Theme: Procrastination and good intentions don’t get things done.

Original Email from Audra:

Ok guys, I am in great need of critiques here. I got a little confused on everything thing and am not sure what I'm doing. I am trying to go off of examples from the webpage. So please let me know if I have left out any requirements while you are reading for critique.  Thanks, Audra

Response from Dr. White:

Hi, Audra, thanks for staying with it. The first half seems to work better than the second half. In the second half too many things seem to happen beyond the audience's perception--for instance, Audra somehow gets from part of a sentence on her paper to getting it half done, and then she also rearranges the bedroom. I don't know exactly how to work these things out, but you might re-think the second half in terms of what you're actually showing on the "stage." Don't pull rabbits out of hats.

One possible development would be to have some references to the baseball game. Anyway, the first scene is all well realized, but the second scene doesn't seem to follow from it directly enough, and two things that really matter don't really happen except by people saying they happen. Sorry if this is more of a negative critique than a serious help-out, but you still have some time to work things out as you can.

Response from Jennifer:

Your play is really good! As a mother of two, I can totally relate to the entire scenario.  I was wondering why your husband rang the doorbell though... Rather than just entering the house. 

In class, we are required to name our characters the same names as people in the class and use a classroom setting.  I guess your classroom setting would be your house, so what you did looks like it would work. :)  Your theme sentence looks really good.  I had a hard time with mine and I'm still not sure if it's right. 

I really loved how your character, even after she had the entire afternoon to work on her paper, rearranged the bedroom.  That is totally something I would do.  It was a good way of adding depth to the character.  It's hard to add depth to characters in drama because the audience only gets to know the characters through stage direction and dialogue.  You really did a great job of doing that with Audra character. Good Luck!

Response from Andrea:

Your drama describes every mother’s thoughts. It reflects reality. You don't need to worry about being confused you are right on track. I have read mine to the class and so have a few others and yours is good. I liked the way her thoughts were organized on paper. 

Now to the only three things I can help with-I am not a literature major so others will be better at critiquing.  However, in the 2nd Audra from the beginning I think you left out the word TO "knew how to turn the stupid ringer off.  In the play why does Michael ring the doorbell instead of just interrupting her thoughts?

Something that might be neat is at the baseball game (if Dr, White allows another place as a scene) is having her think some thing about the paper not being done. It is good-Don't worry!

Report:

          When first thinking about my drama, I was struggling on how to put classmates into my drama as characters not knowing many of them personally. However, Dr. White allowed me to write a classroom drama with the setting being at home, as I am experiencing. Again I faced a challenge. Most of my studying is done during the day while it is only William and I at home. So there is not much conversation, merely the thoughts in my own mind. When starting the drama I noticed myself writing dialogue with only one character. I decided it would not be good for a beginning writer such as me to attempt such a drama. I found it difficult to write in other characters other than myself. Distractions and procrastination have been one challenge that I have faced more this semester than any other semester. So I decided to portray that in my drama. I thought of the major things that distract me, the phone, visitors, social events, and most of all, baby William. I believe I was able to portray the distractions rather well. However, the critiques were a big help in revising my drama. I took out the confusing lines that did not follow the time line well. I also tried to clarify the simple fact that the husband in the play rang the doorbell to his own home. That seemed to catch people, every critique mentioned it. I struggled greatly with this assignment. To remember that people were speaking and getting the plot across with only dialogue was difficult. Nonetheless, I am proud of my accomplishment.

Thanks,

Audra