21 March 2005

Bonnie Napoli

Allergic Reactions

   Don’t take the medicine!  Don’t take the ibuprophen!  You know you’re allergic. You do not know what could happen.  Lucy sat at work and debated whether or not the pain she was feeling was worth feeling the pain taking those pills would bring.  She wasn’t sure if she was deathly allergic to the medicine, but never the less, she was allergic.  But you see this whole debate within her mind was only because she felt as if she were dying.  You see, along with the great gift of womanhood sometimes comes the horrible gift of pain.  Some women experience this pain every month but not Lucy.  The only thing Lucy could imagine and compare her pain to was childbirth, and Lucy doesn’t have kids. 

   So, take the pill or not?  Lucy decided to swallow one pill.  How bad could it be?  She popped it in her mouth, swallowed some water and went back to work by locking herself in her office.  Not even ten minutes later the reaction started.  The itching was outrageous.  Lucy scratched and scratched every inch of her face.  The hives and bumps covered her face from the neck up.  Dammit!  She thought, I should have never taken that stupid pill.  What kind of idiot am I?

   Just then her boss, the perverted and macho man Mr. G. walked in.  “Jesus, Lucy you look like shit!”  He had a great way of being so unprofessional. 

   “Thanks sir, I feel great.”  Lucy sarcastically replied. 

   “What the hell happened?”

   “I don’t know sir, I just don’t feel good, in fact, I think I need to get out of here, can I go home?”

   “Dammit, I guess.  You really look like shit you know, go home and get some rest.”

   “Thanks sir, see you later.”

   Lucy got home and rushed by her mom.  Her mom would have a conniption fit if she knew what Lucy did.  All she wanted to do was go to bed and sleep.

   For about the next two hours the itching was unbearable.  Lucy went after her face clawing at the hives trying to relieve the pain.  Finally, she fell asleep.  The sleep was restless and at about two thirty in the morning she woke up with a deep thirst for some water.  The itching thankfully stopped and she was so happy that the whole ordeal was over.

   She got up and went to the bathroom.  As she was washing her hands Lucy glanced up into the mirror and could not believe her eyes, or rather, face.

   “What the hell is wrong with my face!?”  

   The incessant scratching and allergic reaction caused Lucy’s face to swell up like a balloon.  Her eyes were stretched and her cheeks were huge.  It looked like two oranges was stuck in each of her cheeks.  The diameter of her face was incredible.  She looked ridiculous in a comedic way, yet she was scared.  Past allergic reactions brought the hives and itching but never has her face plumped up like a basketball. 

   Lucy went into her parent’s room and woke up her mom. 

   “Psst, Psst... Mom, wake up something’s wrong.”

   “What?  What’s wrong sweetie?”  Her mom got up and followed Lucy into the living room.  She switched the lamp on and looked up at Lucy.

   “AAAAHHH!”  Lucy bashfully looked at the floor with her fat face.

   “Mom I don’t know what happened.  Look at my face what’s wrong with it?  I was at work and I had the worst cramps, so all we had was ibuprophen and,”

   “You didn’t take it did you?  Lucy, you know better than that.”

   While Lucy’s mom went on and on about how irresponsible she was and how dangerous risking life is and blah blah blah, Lucy remembered she was still dying of thirst.  So adding some uh-huh’s and yes m'am’s Lucy walked into the kitchen and got some water. 

   “You know mom,” Lucy said, “Do you think this will go down by tomorrow?  I hope so, I look like a fool.”

   There was no answer. 

   “Mom, I said I look like a fool, will this go down by tomorrow?  Hello?”

   Lucy heard a weird noise like when someone faints and collapses.  She ran into the living room where she found her mom unconscious in the chair.

   “Mom!  Mom wake up what’s wrong.”  She slapped her mom.  Not hard, but in Lucy’s mind all she could think was wow, I just slapped the crap out of my mom.

   Lucy’s mom was not waking up and Lucy was freaking out. 

   “Mom!  Wake up!” 

   What do I do?  What do I do?  Dad!  Go wake up dad!  So Lucy ran into her parent’s room and screamed at the top of her lungs.

   “Dad something’s wrong with mom and she won’t wake up and she passed out and I don’t know what to do and I slapped her!”

   “What in the hell is going on?  What’s wrong your mother?”  Lucy’s father charged out of bed and ran into the living room almost knocking her over.  As he ran in his eyes adjusted to the light.  He sat on his knees trying to wake up his unconscious wife.  He was scanning her up and down and as he was looking at her eyes he asked Lucy,”

   “What the hell happened to your mother?”  As he said this he looked up at Lucy then back down at her mother.  In a matter of no time his head whipped back up at Lucy.

   “What the hell happened to your face!?”  Lucy’s father was so confused.  Was he woken up because his wife passed out or because his daughter looked like a big basketball?

   Both were extremely excited and Lucy cried, “Look dad, my face is all messed up I know but I woke up to get a drink and got scared because my face is well you can see it, so I woke mom up and she saw it and I guess it scared her to death and so now she passed out because... well look at my face!  What do we do?  Call 911?!”

   Lucy got on the phone and dialed 911.  Amongst all this excitement Lucy thought, wow I never have had a real 911 call before, hmm, cool.  Wait, bigger things going on Lucy.

   “Hello, 911 what’s your emergency?” 

   “Hi, my name is Lucy and I live at 214 Kelly Street, my mom is passed out and I slapped her and she won’t wake up and you need to get here now because she won’t wake up!”

   “Calm down m’am.  You said your mom is passed out and won’t wake up?”

   “Yeah, I am calm and that’s what I said.”

   “Someone will be there shortly.”

   “Thanks.”

   Well in a matter of three minutes the ambulance was in the driveway.  Two E.M.T.’s entered the house and put Lucy’s mom on a stretcher.  They got her to wake up and in a daze Lucy’s mom shouted, “where am I going?  I don’t want to go to the hospital. I am fine!  I just had a moment!”

   Everyone kind of laughed and thought now, now just be quiet.  Lucy sat in the background watching the real life episode of Rescue 911 happening in front of her.  Along with the paramedics there were two cops in her house.  She thought why were cops there?  Is that procedure?  Just as she was thinking both cops approached her. 

   As one poked at her face, (yes, the cop was poking at Lucy’s swollen, fat, round face), he asked as he chuckled, “He, he, what’s wrong with you little lady, you need to get up on that ambulance with your momma?”  As he continued to poke at Lucy’s face she kindly yet sarcastically replied, “No, I think I will be okay thanks for the concern.”

   “Are you sure,” the other cop added, “there’s room for you and your momma but we might have to call back up for your face.  Ha!  Just kidding doll.”

   “Ah ha ha ha!”  Lucy laughed fake enough that the cops shrugged their shoulders and walked off.

   “All right we’re going to the hospital Lucy will you be okay?  I mean with your face and everything?”  Lucy’s dad saw the cop talking to her so he giggled as he departed ways with his daughter. 

   “No, I just want to sleep.  Be careful and call me if anything is tragic, bye dad.”

   As everyone exited the house Lucy and her face couldn’t wait to get to sleep.  This was by far the weirdest experience.  She settled in bed and heard the ambulance speed off.  Finally she thought peace and quiet.  Wait, what is that noise?  Lucy looked out of her window.  The same two goofy cops that were inside her house were leaning up against their squad car carrying on a conversation.

   “Well, I went fishing last week and boy we hit the limit!”

   “Man that’s nothing compared to...”

   Lucy sat for what felt like two hours listening to these cops compare and contrast fishing stories with each other.  She could not believe this.  The whole night and her face and now she had to listen to the two Barney Fife’s sitting in her driveway.  Shouldn’t you be fighting crime or something?  She sat and thought and then the phone ringing interrupted her.

   “Hello?”

   “Hey Lucy it’s dad.  Mom’s fine she had an iron deficiency, hypo-glycolic or glycemic, shit I don’t know.  Anyway we’ll be home later on today.  Are you okay?”

   “Yeah, I’m fine.”

   “And your face?”

   “Still huge.”

   “Okay talk to you later.”

   “Bye.”

   Lucy sat on the couch and finally drifted into sleep.  It took about three days for her face to shrink down to complete normal but nothing was like the first day.  The way her face looked was like a world wonder and since that day, Lucy has never, ever taken ibuprophen again.