Respondent's questions  for reading presentation

Robin:

This is a fixed-verse poem-a ballad. It was written for my daughter, Patches, who has Down's Syndrome. It started as a few lines of encouragement I would say to her and it grew into a song. The first and last stanzas are actually the chorus that was between each of the other stanzas and it was sung to the tune of The Yellow Rose of Texas.

The Little Traveler

  

                    1                  What a weary little traveler

you turned out to be,

You played so hard and went to school

and did your best for me.

 

                    2                  And now it's time to go to bed

upon a fluffy cloud,

and sail upon the blue, blue sky

while mommy sings aloud . . .

 

                    3                I'm singing you a sweet, sweet song

so you'll drift off to sleep,

and in your dreams, those shadowy things

will not dare to creep.

 

                    4                  You'll wake up in the morning

and rub your sleepy eyes,

And you'll get up and work to make

each day a new surprise.

 

                   5 We'll play some games and sing some songs,

and you'll learn something new,

and as the sun starts going down

I will sing to you . . .

 

                    6                  What a weary little traveler

you turned out to be,

You played so hard and went to school

and did your best for me.

Dr. White opened saying that the poem is "metrically perfect; it follows and stays with rhythm."

 

Reani:

To Class: Are there any comments or questions?

 

Global Question:

Because this work was originally written as a song then later turned into a poem how effective is it to the overall outcome of the poem?  Does it add anything or take away from the effect?

Dr. White said the change is good for a printed poem.

Laurie said she liked it better as a poem. Will liked the structure and the alliteration in the poem.

Robin explained that it was interesting to see how a one stanza poem can grow to song and then go back to poem. Patches does not seem to notice a difference. It is still HER  song. I am hoping that the sing-song quality of the song will still show up in the poem since it is for children-or at least a child.

 

Reani:  Robin's Questions:

 

Can you explain the use of the past tense?

 

The past tense of the chorus (1^st and last stanzas) are my reiterating to Patches what she has done and my acknowledgment of her hard work. Then I switch to present and future tense in what is being done and what will be in the future.

 

What was your reasoning behind writing a ballad?

 

Truthfully? I did not know it was a ballad. I was simply spouting off to Patches to encourage her while waiting for the bus and what is now the chorus came out. Over the next few days, I added the next stanzas. About half-way through I realized I was singing it to the tune of the Yellow Rose of Texas. Patches like it so I kept it. It wasn't until this class that I realized it was a ballad.  Until it was pointed out, I looked up the requirements for ballad again ( I had to look it up for Robert's poem) and sure enough, it fits most of the ballad form:

According to the Three Genres book, page 96, a ballad utilizes

·        4 line stanza - quatrain

·        Abcb rhyme scheme

·        Intended to be sung or recited (for those who cannot sing-me!)

·        It follows ballad meter in that it is iambic tetrameter and iambic trimeter alternated regularly; though the chorus starts with an anapest

o      However, line 1 of stanza four is trimeter instead of tetrameter

·        And if this were the 14^th to the 16^th century, it might qualify as a folk ballad. J

 

Why did you decide to make a double word in each stanza?

 

The second and third stanzas, using blue, blue and sweet, sweet just came naturally because it was the bluest sky I had ever seen that morning and sweet because I was talking to a child-the sweetest child I knew. Robert suggested I use that form of repetition in the other stanzas, and so I thought about changing the 4^th stanza to utilize sleepy, sleepy eyes: Rub your sleepy, sleepy eyes

And then in the 5^th stanza: We'll sing songs, play fun, fun games

But I don't think it should be in the chorus (1^st and last stanzas).

 

Dr. White suggested leaving the fifth stanza alone, saying that too much of that device would give the poem a sing-song effect. It was thought overall that too many doubles would make the poem too childlike. As it stands , it appeals to both children and adults. Children will like the story and adults will appreciate the slant rhyme and meter.

Reani: Question to class: 

From reading this poem what would you suggest as revisions?

 

Revisions:

I removed the chorus from between the stanzas and placed it at the beginning and at the end for a completion/circular effect.

I also revised the punctuation, of which there was very little.

I added the word "and" to the beginning of line 3 in stanza 4

 

Revisions I am considering:

Changing the and at the beginning of line 3, stanza 4 to "so,"

Stanza 4, line 1: You'll wake up early in the morn;  Rub your sleepy, sleepy eyes

 

And then in the 5^th stanza: We'll sing songs, play fun, fun games

Enrique liked the poem without changing the fifth stanza to sleepy, sleepy.

Other comments were that the poem has great appeal to all ages. The tone is consistent, it has good imagery and sound work, and it has an up, down feel to the stanzas.