LITR 3731: Creative Writing
Student Poetry Submission 2003

Reani King

Race

Her shiny, sleek, black coat.

The rumble from her heart,

The Christmas tree on her brain,

Ready for the race to start,

Hoping she won't break apart.

Purring with anticipation,

Awaiting the final celebration.

As the light turns green

Pray the tires stick.

Watch the gauges, it's like a dream.

Some feel sick.

Just shift quick.

Win the quarter mile.

Go home with a smile.

                          Freedom

Ingredients: appointment (no name doctor), Valium, $350.00, vacuum.

 Optional: GUILT  

Arrive 15 minutes before scheduled time. (Fill out paperwork; pay in advance) 

Take the Valium; just relax. 20 minutes. Wait with the others looking from freedom. 

Sit in the comfortable chair.

Hear the soft whir of the vacuum as it sucks the life out of you. 

It's all done.

Freedom at last.

Boy

A small little boy

Autumn sunlight spies him there-

Rocking in the chair.

Reani King

LITR3731

Journal Entry-

Progression of "The First Carving"

     I was assigned to write a shape poem in my Genres class. After some thought, I came up with the idea of carving a jack o'lantern. I have watched my children each carve their first and the memories brought forth a poem.

     My first step was to write a poem that was light and fun. I simply took different memories and put them into one short, simple form. After the words were done, I played around with them until they fit into a pumpkin shape, complete with stem. I even left spaces for the dark, gloomy eyes.

                                                                    Octo

                                                                           ber

                                                                          31st

                                                               Halloween      is not com

                                                            plete without one. Plump and

                                                          round wi   th dark  empty eyes;

        be sure to       pick       a bigger one.

      Will it be happy or will it be mad; you

     want it to grimace or grin? Don't wor-

      ry baby, it's your first try. This one is

         perfect;  careful baby, both hands

            you are almost there. Oops, Oh

                well, we will have to try

                       again next year.

     After I completed the assignment, it just sat in my notebook. When I got the poetry assignment for Creative Writing I thought there would be no better time to try and get some feed back on it. I was pleased with the feedback I did get.

     I started thinking of ways I could change the things that were pointed out to me, especially the last line. It was a bad ending for the type of light-hearted poem I was trying to write.              

                                                                    Octo

                                                                           ber

                                                                               31st

                                                                  Halloween is not com-

                                                            plete without one. Plump and

                                                          round with big, dark, empty eyes;

        be sure to       pick       a bigger one.

      Will it be happy or will it be mad; you

     want it to grimace or grin? Don't wor-

      ry baby, it's your first try. This one is

          perfect;  careful baby, both hands

              you are almost there. Light it

                   up for an eerie  Hallo-

                           ween cheer.

     I removed the space in "with", in line three so that the spaces did not look so odd. I also changed the last line so that hopefully it will complete the light-heartedness I am trying to carry throughout the poem. I think I do like the revised version better.