LITR 3731: Creative Writing
Student Poetry Submission 2003

Will Frith

conflict for color

there was a long line of people
pouring out all over the street
there was a lot of time to kill
and thousands for us to meet
-it must get better  

there was a residual silence
in the darkened corner of the hallway
there was an exposed subconscience
on the faces of the walkway
-it must get better  

inside, we all want the same thing—stability and comfort
with a dash of conflict for color
we hide, the true meaning of our thoughts—worlds casting shadows
over our intended valor  

there was a darkened look of concern
on the faces of the passers-by
there was an enlightened kind of person
sitting in the middle of the drive
-it just got better  

inside, we all want the same thing—peace of mind and conscience
and to transcend earthly suffering
we guide, ourselves into the realm—of thoughtful composition
of getting out into the forefront
-it just gets better

draft of journal account:

considering the suggestions i received from the class, and liz, i have switched the first and second stanzas as to build up (or down) from larger amounts of people to an individual. i still like the wording for the most part, and have considered advantages and disadvantages of changing much of them. i stuck with most of the original wording because of the potential for multiple readings/interpretations. as i have learned, considering the audience and their possible interpretations is a valuable tool for success in a poem (in moderation, of course). i changed a couple of phrases to complete the rhythm (we call it "phrasing" in the music business) and to make the phrases more concise. i hope i have done well. will.