LITR 3731: Creative Writing
Student Drama Submission 2003

Brandie Minchew

The Affairs of Writers

Concept Sentence:  A group of writers participating in National Novel Writer's Month (and one who isn't) are meeting up to discuss their writing progress.

Theme Sentence:  Even when you think people may be ahead of you, sometimes appearances are deceiving, so always believe in yourself, first and foremost.

-- Brandie enters and collapses into a chair across from Enrique, next to Laurie.  Enrique is typing away on his laptop.  Laurie looks at him, looks at Brandie, and rolls her eyes as Brandie puts her head down in her arms.

Laurie: Sooo... Brandie... what's up?

Brandie: [moans]

Laurie:  I guess that means the novel's not coming along so well?

Brandie:  I totally suck.

[Laurie and Enrique exchange glances and roll their eyes exadgeratedly]

Brandie:  I'm totally lost.  My characters are flat, my plot is full of holes, and I... I...

Laurie: [impatiently]  What?

Brandie:  [whispers]  I have writer's block! [head down]

[Laurie and Enrique, upon hearing writer's block, gasp melodramatically, covering their mouths with their hands.  Enrique immediately goes back to typing; Laurie goes back to looking apathetic.]

Laurie:  See, this is why I'm not doing that NaNo-whatever-thingy.  You people are crazy, trying to write 50,000 words in thirty days.  I'll write when I please, words here, words there.  In fact, I don't think anyone can do a good job churning out words as fast as you guys are trying to...

Enrique: Speak for yourself.

Brandie: [eyeing Enrique suspiciously] So... how's it going for you, Enrique?

Enrique:  I just broke 40,000 about half an hour ago.

Brandie: 40K?? But... But... It's only the 17th!!

Enrique:  Yeah, I know - I would have broken 50K by now, except that I took a day off.  All this creative energy stresses me out.

Brandie:  [murderous look]

Laurie:  How many words do you have, Brandie?

Brandie:  Not enough.  [puts head down again]

Enter Jennifer, fellow NaNo-er and the cheeriest disposition since Dori.  She radiates happiness and morning-person charm.

Jennifer: Hel-LO you guys!  Oh, Laurie, you really should have signed up this year - it's such a blast, such a rush, the best time ever!  Right Brandie? [sits down beside Brandie and prods her. Brandie sits up and gives her a dirty look.]  Enrique, did you bring your excerpts?

Enrique: [nodding at a folder at his elbow, not breaking typing stride]  In there.

Jennifer: [gleefully opens the folder and distributes the excerpt, reading for a moment.]  Enrique, this is great stuff!  Wow!

Brandie:  [Throwing down the excerpt]  I'm a talentless hack!  Why am I doing this to myself, year after year? I hate myself and want to die!

[Laurie, Enrique, and Jennifer exchange glances over Brandie's head.]

Laurie: Girl, you totally need to chill out.

Enrique:  [shrugging, still typing] Some people have talent, some don't...

Brandie: [lunges for Enrique, but Laurie and Jennifer restrain her]

Jennifer: But... what's the matter, Brandie?

Brandie: I... I have...

Laurie: WRITER'S BLOCK.

[Brandie, Jennifer, and Enrique (who pauses in typing) cover their mouths with their hands and gasp, then Enrique goes immediately back to typing.]

Jennifer: Oh, is that all? [dirty look from Brandie]  You know, when I have that problem, I just sing myself a little song.  [sings off-key] Just keep writing, just keep writing, just keep wrriiiiiiittttiiiiiiinnnnnggggggg...

Enrique: [stops typing, covers his hands with his ears] How can I work with all this noise??!

[Brandie, Jennifer, and Laurie roll their eyes, and Enrique goes back to typing.]

Brandie: [stands]  Actually, I think I have another idea.

Jennifer: Oh, goody! What is it?

Brandie:  Killing off characters. That's always a great plot twist.

Jennifer: Oh... I don't know if I could ever kill off my characters... why... they're like my children...

Brandie: [pulling out a notebook and scribbling]  Character #1: Enrique - dies of sudden complications from carpal tunnel syndrome.  Character #2: Laurie - ink poisoning Character #3: Jennifer - bad sushi.

Jennifer: Killing characters... that seems so... violent... Anyway, I thought your characters were Michael, Bruce, and Patti...  Hey, wait a minute! [Brandie grins toothily and starts humming the Dori song. Enrique gives her a dirty look.]

Laurie: Don't worry about it, Jennifer. A piece of advice - "Do not meddle in the affairs of the angsty writer, for you are crunchy and taste good with salsa."  Or maybe wasabi.

Jennifer: Hmmph.  Well.  I have more words to write! [stalks off]

Enrique: Thank goodness. One down, two to go.

[Laurie and Brandie look at each other and begin to sing at Enrique]

Just keep writing, just keep writing, just keep wrrrriiiiiitttttiiiiinnnnnggggg!!!

Enrique: [standing and pointing a finger at Brandie] You are a menace to honest writers everywhere! You spread your writer's block like a disease!

Brandie: It cannot be denied but that I am a plain-dealing villain. [leaning over to look at the screen] Enrique! You're typing gibberish! 

Enrique: [closing the laptop]  You can't appreciate the value of my work.

Laurie: Gibberish?

Enrique:  [burying his face in his hands] I'm a talentless hack! I'm a fraud! I haven't been able to think of a single word for the past twenty-four hours!  I don't have 40,000 words - I only have 4,000! [sobs melodramatically]

Laurie: You people almost make me want to hang up my writer's hat.  Let's go get some coffee.

Enrique and Brandie: Ok