LITR 3731: Creative Writing
Sample Student Email Draft Exchanges

[initial message from Reani King emailed to three other students and copied to instructor]

 

I have written poems in the past; however, none have been fixed verse. Here is a draft of a poem. I tried to do a rhyme royal (ababbcc), although it is not in iambic pentameter. Please let me know what you think.

 

Race

Her shiny, sleek, black coat.

The rumble from her heart,

The Christmas tree on her brain,

Ready for the race to start,

Hoping she won't break apart.

Purring with anticipation,

Awaiting the final celebration.

 

As the light turns green

Pray the tires stick.

Watch the gauges, it's like a dream.

Some feel sick.

Just shift quick.

Win the quarter mile.

Go home with a smile.

 

 

Just as a free verse. I like haiku. It is a challenge to fit what you want to say in such a short verse.

 

Boy

 

A small little boy

Autumn sunlight spies him there-

Rocking in the chair.

 

[email reply from Robin Stone]

 

Reani,
I like the second stanza. It really pulls out that it is a race instead of a cat. I like the juxtaposition of the two stanzas. It is almost like a riddle type poem in the first stanza with the answer in the second. I think the third line seems too long for the swift action of the stanza though. Maybe shorten the line with something like: watching gages in a dream, or something like that which is shorter may help keep the speedy rhythm. Just a suggestion. I like the poem and even someone like me who is not into racing and cars (other than keeping one running to use) can get a kick out of the poem.
 
At first I was thrown off by the change in length of lines in the second verse but by the time I got half way through the stanza I saw the need for the speed of the race to show through.
 
Very clever poem. I like it. I hope mine turns out as good.
 
I did not see the Haiku on the first email. I like it. I see your son Cody in it. It has the seasonal element and syllabication down well. I also think you have the cutting down well. The hyphen and last line are cut well from the first two lines.
 
Robin