LITR 3731: Creative Writing
Sample Student Email Draft Exchanges

[initial email from Dawn Dobson to 2 other students]

Hello all,

 
Please review my poem. I have tweaked it into submission!  I also have another I am working on, but still don't have it manipulated to my satisfaction.
 
Many thanks and looking forward to your comments and suggestions!
 
Dawn
 

Collision

 

Remember the last time the shards hit

and you weren't ready?

The brakes locked, no response

spirit absorbent and mind submerged.

 

Flashing lights wailed remorse

as a steady stream of faces

no pressure could stanch

ran down the pavement.

 

Seconds ticked off.

The picture perfect moment

begged for a sign

and received none.

 

A gathering crowd stared

just as blankly as you did,

frozen in their traps,

faces etched in broken glass.

 

Dawn E. Dobson

9/20/03

 

(Some explanation- I'm using the metaphor of a car accident to describe the way people sometimes seem to lose control of their lives, let them careen out of control, then appear dazed at the results. )

[second email from Dawn Dobson to additional students]
Hello Jennifer, David, and Reani,
 
I'm hoping you all will have a chance to take a look at my poem and offer me some feedback. I've e-mailed it to a few other folks, but have only heard back from one, so I am covering my bases. I will be happy to look over any for you all, if needed.
 
Many thanks and be brutal so that I might grow through the pain : )
 
Dawn
 

[reply from Reani King]

Dawn,

I liked the poem, although I have never been in that position, but I have seen a few. I think you captured the disbelief of a collision and the description of the spectators coming to see the carnage.

There was only one word that I thought might be better changed or with more explanation. The word "traps". Is that the people rubbernecking or the person/people in the collision? Overall, it is a good poem and I enjoyed reading it.

Reani King

[other replies reached student but not instructor]