Jane Ftacnik

April 25, 2002

 Cincinnati to Puerto Rico: An adventure of two friends

     My friend Lee and I have known each other for more than 10 years.  She is the only person in the world who is as crazy as I am.  We are both disorganized, hate planning, and enjoy being spontaneous.  We took a trip in April of 1998 to St. Thomas, which is where Lee is from.  We were going to stay with her family, so our lodging and meals were mostly free.  Our round-trip flight was supposed to very cheap, so this was supposed to be a low-budget trip.  We were low on cash, but we were not concerned because once we got to St. Thomas, we be staying with her family.  We did not have actual airline tickets.  We had “buddy passes.”  Buddy passes are what the friends and families of airline employees can purchase at a reduced rate.  The only trick to these passes is that you never have a seat on any flight anywhere.  If you are in possession of a buddy pass, you must go directly to the airport and check in at the gate for the flight that you would like to get on, and then wait.  You wait until all paying passengers are seated, and then you wait until all paying stand-by passengers are seated, and then you wait some more until you see the flight depart without you, or until your name is finally called.  When I mentioned that you wait until all paying passengers are boarded, these are people who paid the entire fare.  When Lee and I took our trip, we paid 125.00 for a round-trip ticket from Cincinnati to St. Thomas.  At the time, the average ticket price for the paying passengers was $990.00.  So this is why a person with a buddy pass is not a priority passenger. 

     So since we did not have assigned seats because we did not have tickets, we packed our bags and hoped for the best.  We had to guess at the day we would depart, and then guess at the day we would return.  Of course we did not tell our bosses that we were traveling stand-by the whole time.  We did decide that if we got to Atlanta, but not St. Thomas, we would go anywhere else.  The buddy pass fare was good for one round-trip ticket from Cincinnati to anywhere in the continental United States and the Caribbean.  We are both pretty spontaneous people, so we requested the time off of work, and then hoped we would make it back to work when we were supposed to return.

            I’ll start this story with how we barely made it to the Greater Cincinnati airport on time.  The flight for Atlanta departed Cincinnati at 6:30 AM, so I had planned to pick up Lee at her house at 5:00 AM.  This was very early for both of us.  We enjoy sleeping until 4:00 PM in the afternoon, and 5:00 AM in the morning is just about when we like to go to bed, so we were both disoriented that morning.  I drank a lot of coffee that morning.  So, I got to her house at 5:40 AM and Lee was still packing.  We are both usually late and disorganized, which can cause problems sometimes.  It almost did for us on that day.  We left for the airport at 5:50 AM, and the airport is in Kentucky and so it normally takes 25 minutes or so to get there but on that day it only took about 15 minutes.  It’s amazing how much time you save if you consistently drive 85 miles per hour.  We decided to park in the cheap airport long-term parking which was a bad idea.  We parked the car, and ran to the designated bus stop.  But there was no bus.  We looked and watched and did not see any bus coming.  By this time it was about 6:15 AM, so we were really getting nervous.  Finally at almost 6:20 AM, a bus comes around.  We ran out into the middle of the street to meet the bus to make sure that it stopped to pick us up.  The bus was packed and so luckily we were the last stop and then the Delta terminal was the first drop off point.  We thought that we had missed the flight, because by this time, it was 6:27 AM.  But, we frantically dashed  through the airport with our duffle bags and checked in, and there were plenty of seats available on the flight to Atlanta.  We fastened our seatbelts and breathed a sigh of relief.

     Now, traveling with Lee is always an adventure.  We are relaxing on the flight to Atlanta, and talking about how we might be able to get a flight to St. Thomas, or maybe somewhere else, when a flight attendant comes to our seats and asks if one of us is Leila Frazer.  Lee was tempted to say that I was Lee, but I gave her the look and she admitted that she was Lee.  The flight attendant said that the Delta gate representatives called and said that Lee was violating the dress code for buddy pass users.  So, I laughed and asked what the dress code was.  The flight attendant said that it has to be either a nice blouse and pants, or a skirt.  Lee and I laughed together, but the flight attendant said that this was not a laughing matter because if she did not change, she would not be able to take another flight anywhere.  She was wearing shorts, and so I asked if she had anything in her duffle bag that she could change into.  Of course the answer was no, and she had only packed shorts and a bathing suit.  I asked her if she wanted to change into my clothes, but she is a size 6 and I am size 10, so that would not have worked.  I try to look like I have more money than I actually do, so I had on the traditional J.Crew boot cut pants and navy blazer.  At the airport they are ready for these kinds of situations.  They have a solution to all of your consumer needs, and it is called the mini-mall.  Lee found a skirt at the mini-mall, and it was a $98.00 khaki cotton skirt.  So all of a sudden this low-budget trip is not so low-budget.  

            Now, I must explain about the duffle bags.  You may have been wondering why I mentioned the duffle bags earlier.  Lee and I worked for the same company.  We received large canvas duffle bags from a vendor, so we thought it would be trendy if we carried matching duffle bags.  We did not own the professional traveling suitcases with wheels that all other travelers own.  The benefits to the gigantic duffle bags is that because they were canvas it was possible to roll your clothes and shove most of your wardrobe into them.  They were so long that I think an entire hockey stick could have fit inside of them.  They were at least a foot deep, and we could hardly keep them zipped.  They must have weighed at least 50 lbs, and felt as though they weighed 100lbs. and this was the beginning of the trip.  We carried them onto the plane, and so now we were lugging them around the Atlanta airport.  I lift weights, and try to look like Cory Everson, and so I could carry mine around.  But the shoulder strap was cutting like a knife into my shoulder.  Lee could not carry hers, so hence I was left standing or sitting in various places with two large duffle bags.  I waited outside the restrooms with them, and then sat on the bench with them while Lee looked in the gift shops. 

     We arrived at the Delta gate and checked in.  The flight was overbooked and there were many people who paid full fare price waiting to get on the flight.  Because this is an adventure, I went across the way to check and see if the flight to Bermuda was available, and it was “wide-open,” in airline parlance.  I was nice and pleasant to the flight attendant on the Bermuda flight and she checked the St. Thomas flight, and said that we would get on.  And so as I said earlier, we waited and waited and watched quite a few people boarding the flight.  We kept waiting and they called everyone’s name but ours.  Finally, we heard Lee’s name, but not mine.  I told her to go because it is her family she was visiting, and I would survive in Atlanta on my own.  I was stranded out in the waiting area, and finally a flight attendant beckoned for me to come on through, and I had to wait while they physically counted the seats and found an open for me.  So I breathed a sigh of relief and settled into my window seat. 

            The blue water of the Caribbean was more than 4 hours away, so I got out my book and tried to look like I was reading.  But this action did not discourage the two middle-aged tourists sitting next to me.  They were in a conversational mood, and nothing was going to stop them.  They were asking if I had been to St. Thomas, and since it was carnival time, if I had seen the carnival before.  They told me which jewelry stores were good, and how to buy a blue topaz stone for $10.00.  I tried to read my book and ignore them, but they just continued.  Isn’t there something in Emily Post’s Etiquette book that says that you should not make conversation on an airplane because the unwilling participant cannot gracefully escape?  I finally bought the movie headphones and watched the Fugitive for the fifth time. 

     Since I had already seen the movie, I was really thinking about the trip ahead of us.  I was the first person that Lee had ever brought home to meet her family and see the island.  When people learn that she is from the Caribbean, they sometimes immediately think that they will get hotel rooms for free, or that she can take them to the island for their vacation.  I never asked for that, and I never assumed that we would ever go to the island together.  We had been planning a trip to Aruba, and then suddenly she decided to see if we could go to the island for the carnival.  When we called for the flight prices, the cost was prohibitive.  But Lee has friends in high places, so that is how we obtained the cheap buddy passes.  I was really happy to spend some time with Lee just having innocent fun. 

     My expectations of St. Thomas were mixed.  I have traveled to the Caribbean before, and I was disappointed.  In Cancun, the water was not as clear as the pictures looked, but the beaches had pretty white sand.  In the Bahamas, the water was a green-blue color with light brown sand.  The places did not look like they did in the pictures, and I expected the beach and the water to be just like it was represented in the brochures.  The brochures must be enhanced.  So I had seen pictures of the Virgin Islands on postcards and in Lee’s collection, and I was really looking forward to seeing if it was as beautiful as Conde Nast said it was. 

     Finally, I began to see blue water.  It was glowing and the sun was reflecting off of it.  Little sprinkles of light were reflecting off of the waves.  It looked just like it did in the pictures.  Soon I saw tiny islands scattered throughout the ocean and the lush vegetation complemented the blue ocean so that it was a vivid deep image of emerald and blue topaz.  I wondered when we would land, and I could see a larger island, so I assumed that was one of the Virgin Islands, and indeed it was St. Thomas.  Because of the small runway, the landing was abrupt and everyone was thrown forward as the pilot applied the brakes to the plane.  We were finally in St. Thomas.  The duffle bags were located in bins in the overhead compartments, and so we had to wait until everyone got off of the plane until we could get them because they were so heavy that there was no way we could control them, and we figured that we might hit a few people on the way off the plane.  As it was, we hit people as we boarded. 

     We finally got the duffle bags down, and they felt heavier than before.  Then we had to walk down the five steps to the concrete below.  So we were going down the steps very slowly.  The sun was bright and hot.  As we made our way to the airport, I looked across and saw the sides of the mountains and immediately decided that I would live here.  I did not know how or when, but someday I would rent an apartment here.  So we slowly walked towards the airport, and we are hungry and tired and are in desperate need of a shower.  It is hard to look like a model when you smell bad.  So, we lugged the duffle bags to the customs area, and then retrieved them off of the conveyor belt, or rather, I retrieved them off of the conveyor belt.  Did I mention that I was wearing my oh so cute sandals?  Yes, and along with hauling the duffle bags, I am wearing my 2 inch wedge heel sandals.  So then we lugged the duffle bags to the long line for the restroom, and then we lugged them to the pay phone area.  At this point, the duffle bags were no longer trendy, they were a pain in the neck. 

     I did mention that Lee is disorganized, and so we were supposed to call her mother or her sister when we arrived.  Lee had 10 different phone numbers, and it seemed that her sister was going to pick us up when she got off of work, which would be in an hour or so.  Meanwhile, there is a band playing soca music and there are various vendors in the airport with enticing little plastic cups of liquor for free.  I had a couple of shots, and was almost ready to pay $15.00 for a bottle of Alizee liquor when suddenly Lee pulled me away and told me that I can buy the same thing at the Big K-mart in town for half the price. 

     We were on the curb waiting on her sister.  Her sister Scheille is in the army, so she rides around in a military jeep and wears her camouflage.  She tried to lift the duffle bags into the jeep and exclaimed that there must have been a person inside of them because they were so heavy.  Scheille decided that we should take an impromptu sight-seeing trip since we were only there for really one day and two nights.  But first we had to solve the hunger problem.  So we came upon a little unmarked store that had vegetarian sandwiches.  The first thing I noticed on the island was that time came to a stand-still.  The workers in the little store were moving very slowly.  They are not in a hurry, and so I just decided to take a couple of deep breaths and smile politely.  After what seemed like an hour, we got our sandwiches and ate them in the car.  I observed that her sister greeted every person with the phrases, “good day,” or “good evening.” 

     So we proceeded to go to the top of a mountain and we had a view of the whole island.  I was sitting in the back of the jeep, and I almost got really sick.  It seemed like the jeep was going to topple over because the road was so steep.  When we got to the top of the mountain, there was a bar and I tried the local drink called a painkiller.  It earned its name, as I was jovial and excited again. 

     We went back to Scheille’s house and it is a long drive up a steep mountain hill.  There is a fantastic view from her balcony, and I could see the nearby islands of St. John and Tortola.  Her house was painted a light shade of pink.  There is no air conditioning unit in the house, but there is no need for it.  The breeze flows through the house and there were ceiling fans in every room.  The wooden balcony winds around the house in a semi-circle and is painted white.  The view encompassed the harbor along with the neighboring islands of St. John and Tortola.  The golf course appeared to be an odd spectacle at the bottom of a mountain, as there were many trees and plants that were torn down to make room for it.  The grass on the golf course was brown, and Scheille said that they could never keep it green because of the sun and the climate. 

     Her Mom and brother Kurt were having dinner.  They were very nice but I could not understand what they were saying.  Lee and Scheille both went to college in Cincinnati, Ohio, so they can slow their speech down for people like me.  Her Mom and brother have always lived on the islands, so they have an island accent along with rapid speech.  But let me tell you about the dinner, as this was a home cooked meal on the island.  I sat down to dinner to see a plate with a whole fish and something that looked like potatoes.  The potatoes were called dumplings, and the fish is normally served in that manner.  I hoped that I was not supposed to eat the skin and the head, and Lee was laughing and explained that I should poke through the skin and eat the tender flesh underneath the skin.  The fish was wonderful.  And I hate fish.  So this means that the fish was not fishy, and was sweet and fresh.  The dumplings were bland, and they are supposed to be eaten that way.  So I finished the dumplings and the fish, but the daunting head remained on the plate.  Her family told me that fish heads are a delicacy and that the best part is the brain.  So I dug into the head, closed my eyes and chewed.  It was very sweet and had a soft texture.  So I was pleasantly surprised and so was her family.  They thought it was hilarious that I had the fish head because most tourists don’t even try it. 

     The next morning was Saturday and the carnival was going on. We decided to go to the carnival later in the morning.  Since Lee was visiting with her family, I decided to make myself scarce and take a walk.  Her family looked mildly alarmed, but I explained that I jog a lot and so I wanted some exercise.  They cautioned me about going too far down the hill.  I was not worried, so I drank some water and headed off down the hill.  The local flora and fauna were spectacular.  There are wild hibiscus growing, and other flowers that I cannot name.  The flowers were vivid pinks and purples.  The sun was starting to get hot, and I thought about how I was probably going to get sunburned.  As I kept going down the mountain, I saw houses that were painted bright yellow and pink.  I admired the variety of architecture.  This was not the suburbs of any city where the houses are all the same.  Each house had its own design.  I kept going down the hill until I came to a fork in the road.  I decided to turn back around at that point. 

     Now I must explain what happened on the way down and on the way up the hill.  The local islanders were driving on the road, and when I was walking down the hill, they would slow the car down and ask me if I wanted a ride “to town.”  I politely shook my head and smiled.  I was a little leery of this question, but I figured that they were just being nice.  On the way up the hill, the local islanders asked me if I needed a ride up the hill.  I was really tempted to get into one of those cars because I could taste the sweat as it dripped into my mouth.  The sun was out in full force, and it felt like it was located about 10 feet above my head.  But I was concerned about getting into a stranger’s car.  So I kept plodding up the hill until I ran into a small dragon who was not going to get out of the way.  I slowed down and finally he scampered off into the trees.  So, after the dragon and the overly friendly locals, I had experienced a little of what island life is like. 

     After I finally reached Scheille’s house, I ran into the house and immediately started looking for a cup to get some water.  Her family was worried about me because I was red in the face and all wet, which was because I was sweating profusely.  After I explained all of the incidents to her family, I found out what really happened on the walk.  If you are driving on the island, it is customary to ask people who are walking if they need a ride in the direction that you are driving.  Most islanders do not walk without a purpose, so the locals all assumed I was trying to get somewhere.  Since the islanders know that the hills are treacherous to walk on, they probably thought it strange that I declined their offer.  I thought it was strange that they offered me a ride.  I found out that the odd dragon was actually an iguana.  In this little 30 minute walk, I learned about the local culture. 

     Lee and I and her family went to the children’s parade in the carnival.  The costumes are rich and have vibrant colors.  The sun was really hot by then, so we did not stay long.  The steel drum bands play on floats and there are various majorettes and cheerleaders.  I had a Johnny cake, which is fried flour and sweetened with powdered sugar.  It was not fresh, but I did not know that until I had a fresh hot one later that evening at the festival.  After about an hour, we decided to go to Magen’s Bay beach. 

     Magen’s Bay has consistently been listed on the top ten list of the best beaches in travel magazines like Conde Nast.   I was very excited to go there because of that reason.  However, Lee said it was polluted and is now very different from the way it was 20 years ago.  It was extremely crowded, and we waited for about 30 minutes to get into the parking area.  Finally we parked the car and made our way to the actual beach.  Lee and her family headed for the trees.  Only the tourists and I were trying to get a suntan.  I soon figured out why the islanders were in the shade.  I already experienced enough sun for that day, and I was getting red, not tan.  I went into the ocean for relief, but then it seemed like the sun was reflecting off of the ocean and burning even more intensely.  The water was clear, and the sand was white.  But there was hardly any space on the beach.  It did not look like it did in the brochures because of all the people everywhere.  It was still astonishingly beautiful with the white sand and the clear water. 

     So I was happy with the all of the exploring that we got to do.  I enjoyed my walk most of all.  I do not like to go on organized tourist excursions because it feels like you have not escaped to anywhere.  You are with other tourists, and if they are American, they will complain about the weather, or the prices, or the inefficiency of transportation.  You may see famous sights, such as the Mayan ruins in Cancun, but you may as well be reading about them in National Geographic.  It is like seeing everything at a distance.  You hardly interact with local people, and you never get to try local food.  You go to the tourist restaurant on the excursion and get the modified version of local cuisine.  I enjoy learning about the local culture by participating in it.  This type of experience does not have to be outside the United States.  Once on a business trip, I drove along the Pacific Coast Highway in California from Laguna Beach to Malibu, and ran into a bunch of bikers along the way.  But that is a different story and so I will not go into that. 

     So after the all of the daytime activities, we ate dinner and then went to the nightly festival which consists of bands, food stands, and liquor stands.  A famous local band called Jam Band was playing, and it was playing soca music.  This is very fast music which requires you to move like Elvis, only three times faster.  The local islanders actually looked like they were shaking.  The food stands were offering fresh Johnny cakes, so I tried one.  It was delicious and much better than the reheated one I had earlier.  Johnny cakes have to be piping hot and dripping grease to be really good.  To complement the Johnny cake I had a local version of the beer called Carib beer.  And then suddenly it was 1:00 AM in the morning and it was time to go back to Scheille’s house and get ready for our departure tomorrow morning. 

     So we got up at the crack of dawn and had to stuff all of our clothes and seashells back into the duffle bags.  I could not zip mine.  I rolled my clothes into tight wads, but it still would not zip.  Lee was forcing hers to zip, but then she was not going to be able to get it open again.  And, yesterday when we were driving around, we picked up four bottles of liquor.  So we had a box of liquor to tote back too.  Guess who got carried the box of liquor?  So along with my purse which was like a backpack, so it fit onto my back, and the damn duffle bag, I had a box of liquor also.  We did not have seats, so we had to pack everything and hope for the best.  We figured we might be able to catch a flight later in the daytime.  So, we hauled the duffle bags and the box of liquor into Scheille’s jeep and rode to the airport.  We checked in and went all the way through customs.  Customs is like a huge maze at the St. Thomas airport.  They did not believe that we only had clothes in the duffle bags, so the customs agents insisted on searching on our bags, and we could hardly stuff everything back into them.  I was not polite to them.  I was rather irate because we had already packed them once.  But I guess because they were so big and heavy that it looked like we were hiding something.   

     We made it through customs, and got to the waiting area for the gate.  We looked at each other and we knew we were not going anywhere.  There were more than 20 paying passengers who were waiting to get on the flight.  Lee and I were so tired, we dozed off waiting for our names to be called, and the next thing we knew, we saw the Delta plane on the runway and we just started laughing.  We were happy because we got to spend another day in St. Thomas.  So, I waited with the duffle bags while she called her sister to come and get us.  Then, I slowly lugged the box of liquor and my duffle bag to the outside waiting area at the airport.  We planned to go to Coki beach that day. 

     So Scheille came and picked us up and we called our families and our jobs and explained that we were stuck in St. Thomas for another day but that we would try again tomorrow to get seats on the flight.  My parents were not as amused as I was about the situation.  Maybe they were envious.  So we went to Coki Beach and we went to downtown St. Thomas and did some shopping.  We went back to the nightly festival and had more beer and Johnny cakes.  Finally we went back to Scheille’s house and repacked everything again.  Now the repacking was really difficult.  Lee had to leave some items with her sister and have her sister ship them to her.  We stayed up almost all night talking and drinking, and then it was time to leave for the airport. 

     So this was on Monday morning, and we hauled the duffle bags through the customs maze again and then checked in at the Delta gate.  It was the same situation.  There were many passengers ahead of us on the “list.”  We waited and waited and then watched the Delta flight leave us again.  We should not have laughed at this situation, but it was hysterical to us.  We could have lost our jobs, and they were decent paying jobs.  For the second day in a row, we were stranded at the airport.  After we finished laughing about this, we decided that we should check into alternatives.  The desk attendant for Delta just happened to be a handsome man, so we begged for his assistance and asked for his advice.  Since all the flights were overbooked until Thursday, he suggested that we book a flight on a smaller airline to San Juan, and then try to catch a flight from San Juan, Puerto Rico to Miami or Atlanta and then catch another flight to Cincinnati.  So here is when the best part of the trip occurred. 

     So upon advice from a guy who looked like Fabio and sounded like Barry White, we booked two round-trip tickets from St. Thomas to San Juan.  I decided that we should book a round trip ticket as a last resort in case we were in trouble in San Juan.  So the ticket price per person for this excursion was $80.00.  Suddenly this trip is getting very expensive.  And we are getting broker by the minute.  At this point in the trip, we are living entirely off of our credit cards, except for about 30.00 cash that I happened to have.  Luckily Lee’s Mom made a pound cake, and so we had the cake to eat.  Sunshine Airlines was the name of the small airline that operated even smaller planes.  We wobbled out to the plane that looked like a helicopter.  By this point, the whole left side of my body is numb because the strap of the duffle bag had cut off my circulation.  The plane had only six seats, and two of those were filled with something for balance purposes.  This was not a fun flight, but we did have some pretty cool views of St. Thomas and San Juan.  Finally the plane prepared for a landing, if that was what it was called.  It felt more like a crash than a landing.  The plane was probably off balance because of the duffle bags. 

     If you have ever been to the San Juan airport, then you know that it is an enigma.  There are no signs, and there are lots of confusing hallways and doorways.  If you have not been to this airport, then please try to avoid it.  We found the Delta gate, and found out that there were 150 people on a list to get on a flight to either Atlanta or Miami.  This was because the cruise ships were returning, and of course all of the flights were overbooked.  It looked pretty grim for us to get a flight out of San Juan, but we waited from 10:00 AM until 5:30 PM.  We had the pound cake for lunch, as we could not afford anything to eat in the airport. 

     Neither one of us was upset, although we were a bit delirious from being hung over and eating the pound cake all day.  I think this part of the journey really solidified our friendship, because neither one of us overreacted to the situation.  It would have been really easy to become exasperated and do something irrational, like book two tickets on another airline.  We did check into this option, but it would have been $500.00 per ticket.  We each allowed the other to voice her opinion and then we reached an agreement.  As hungry and tired as we were, we respected the other person’s feelings.  The duffle bags were beyond being painful.  My hands had calluses on them, and Lee’s hand was swollen.  We decided to remain calm and I had Lee call our job so that they knew that we were trying to come home.  This was expensive because we had to use a credit card and an operator, and so the charges were about $5.00 per minute. Then we decided that we should go to the tourist office in the airport and get a hotel room. 

     This was a mistake.  We should have just gotten a taxi and asked for a casino hotel.  Instead, we trusted the tourist office and did not realize it was a scam.  We chose a hotel from a picture, and when we reached the hotel, it was on the other side of the highway where the nice tourist hotels are.  The hotel was $80.00 plus the Puerto Rico cheat-the-tourists tax, so the total was $97.00.  It was located in a poor neighborhood, and there were bars on the windows.  We should have just told the taxi cab driver to take us back.  But we did not, and I don’t know why.  I guess we were too tired at that point.  So we paid and tipped him, and signed for the room.  Then we walked past a bunch of weird looking men, and into the motel room from Hell.  There was a large spider in one corner, and the ceiling was hanging down like it was going to crash in on us, and it leaked later when it started to rain.  The floor was cement and it was dirty.  We just looked at each other and laughed.  We could not be angry because this was just ludicrous.  So we decided to take a shower and then head off to the other side of the road and spend the whole night out instead of at this motel. 

     We had to eat, so we found a Pizza Hut and ate there.  That seems like a strange choice in Puerto Rico, but we had to go where credit cards were accepted.  We called Lee’s sister and told her where we were, and she said that it was very dangerous and we should not be out.  There was nothing we could do but keep on walking.  So we crossed the street and went to the beach.  The sand was a light brown, and the water was not as pretty as it is in St. Thomas.  We decided then to go to a casino, and spend the night gambling. 

     So we hopped from casino to casino.  We were playing the nickel slot machines, since that is all we could afford.  We did win a few dollars.  Finally we decided at 2:30 AM that we should start walking back to the hotel because it was a long walk and we did not know how far down the road we actually were.  I took advantage of the free rum and cokes, and I tipped the waitresses, so I was not very worried about how dangerous the neighborhood was.  We started walking, and nothing looked familiar.  We must have been a good 3 miles away from the bridge where we crossed the street.  So of course we were tired and hungry after we walked about a mile. 

     But then we came upon a phenomenon in Puerto Rico called the open air street bar.  We stopped in at the bar, and then we ordered some food with the few dollars we had.  I attempted to speak Spanish, but Puerto Rican Spanish is not the Spanish that you learn on the tapes.  I am bilingual, but their Spanish is very rapid, and they cut off words.  But this experience was useful as I now speak Spanish to customers in my job, and so if they are Puerto Rican, I know what to expect.  It was now about 3:30 in the morning, and there were only a few customers in this bar.  Soon a lady came over and sat down next to us, and started a conversation.  She said her name was Lesbia, but she was not a lesbian.  She knew some English, and so I guess she was concerned that we would get confused about her sexual preferences.  We were already confused having had many drinks and no sleep for two days. 

     She warned me that the chicken I ate would cause problems for me in the morning.  So we talked to Lesbia for about an hour, and then decided to continue walking down the road.  At almost five in the morning, we got to the area where the hotel was.  Now, this neighborhood was tricky, and it was dark and we were standing on our last legs, if you can imagine.  So we walked around the same block twice until finally we saw the motel across the corner.  We ran into the room and slammed the door and locked it with the four locks.  Any motel room with bars on the windows and four locks on the door is not a classy joint. 

     Finally, we packed everything and called for a taxi.  It was 6:00 AM, but we needed to get to the airport as soon as possible so we could get listed on the first few flights to Atlanta.  We got to the airport and scrounged for the change to pay him and we could not tip him and so he was yelling and we just walked away.  From our point of view, he was lucky that we could pay him.  We had bad attitudes at this point, after having no sleep for two days and a little food, so we did not care what he thought.  But we did not have bad attitudes with each other, which shows how much we respected each other.   

     We got onto the Delta flight that left San Juan at 10:30 AM.  There was no one on the flight except for a businessman and us.  So we sat in the rear.  We were very glad to be heading back to the United States.  We begged the flight attendant for extra peanuts and cans of Coke.  That was our breakfast and lunch.  Finally we landed in Atlanta, and got booked on the flight to Cincinnati.  By then, we were so exhausted that we slept the whole way until we landed in Cincinnati.  Now, thank God the parking lot at the Cincinnati airport accepted credit cards, or I would have had to make a not-so-fun phone call to my Dad.   

     I will admit that I was glad the trip finally ended.  I will leave you with some advice.  One of them is the saying from Hemingway that goes like this:  “Never travel with anyone you don’t love.”  Also, never listen when Fabio is talking.  For Pete’s sake, we could have stayed in St. Thomas with Lee’s family where the lodging and meals were free, and caught a flight out of St. Thomas on Wednesday or Thursday.  Don’t use buddy passes unless you have a platinum Visa card.  Never, ever travel with an overstuffed duffle bag unless you want numb limbs.  Don’t fly through the San Juan airport.  Do eat a fish head if you ever go to St. Thomas.  Take a walk whenever you travel.  There are lots of discoveries to be made.