LITR 5731: Seminar in American Minority Literature

Question #6 from Distance Student  

What are your thoughts on the idea that The Best Little Boy in the World has no way of defining who he is?  He has no gay role models.  He says that he "knows what he is" at a young age, but he really doesn't know there is anyone else out there who feels the same.  How much do you think our society is changing with respect to helping gays define who they are?

Responses:

Jennifer Thurik

I believe that there are many more resources available to homosexuals than ever before.  The BLBITW must fend for himself and find his own way. I think society now is able to identify gays and offer protection to those who wish to "come out."  Though there is still a stigma attached to homosexuals, there are places and areas to go for them to find people of their own.  The BLBITW acknowledged that when he was about to be drafted. He thought that he would have to prove where the gay bars were when he checked the box saying he was gay so the military officials would not think he was trying to dodge the draft.  He recognizes the fact that there are others like him, but taking the risk to find out who they are opens him up to ridicule from others.  However, even when he knows who is gay, he openly ridicules that boy to his other friends so they won't suspect him of being in a similar state. 

Michelle Stephenson

In my opinion, I think that society still has the mindset that "as long as it doesn't affect me approach" then it is okay.  If someone does not know someone who is gay (on a personal level), then I don't think that they would go out of their way to get to know someone who is gay. In other words, society is not really "embracing" the concept of homosexuality.  I think there is still a stigma attached to being gay. It is not like being Black, where everyone notices it immediately.  Homosexuals have to hide their "lifestyles" in public and are forced to live separate lives-one in public and one in private. I do believe that television and movies are making an attempt to be more "gay friendly" (if that is appropriate to say), but not the media.

Tara Edwards

I agree with the comments so far. There are certain resources in society that make it easier for homosexuals to find support, but there are still so many factors such as family and close community support or lack of support that make all the difference. Several years ago, I worked for a gay man who could "afford" to be open about his life because he happened to be in an environment where he had enough professional clout to do so. He was one of the head people in the department, which allowed him to be more open. He was one of the fortunate ones. His education and professional clout gave him the luxury of not being in environments where he couldn't be open--though that isn't to mean he had no problems at all. He was in a very long-term relationship, and everyone knew his partner well. There was no attempt to conceal anything, and we went on treating them as we would any heterosexual couple.

People who don't have the "clout" in whatever environment they're in, however, may not be so fortunate. Those who face family disownership or who don't have the education/professional training or the financial status to be as selective in their employment and general environments, I suspect, would have a much harder time finding role models and "fitting in" as they discover themselves. And, unfortunately, I suspect that leads to an overwhelming focus on their sexual identity instead of being free to discover all of the infinite aspects of one's identity.

I hope this makes some sense.

Tara

 

Jill Reioux

TBLBITW is very confused during his high school and college years because he has no one to truly identify with.  As a child he remembers his father's story about his teacher being gay, but that is no role model.  In college he knows of a few gay men, but they are either disgusting to him or they scare him.  He feels even more like an outcast because he can't find a gay man who is like himself--strong and masculine.  He tries to identify with the masculine heterosexual friend, but that only results in a tiring masquerade.

I feel sympathetic for him because he fumbles through the dark like the lightbulb has been turned off of his life.  He needs a gay friend to turn the light on and show him the way.  Eventually he meets gay friends and is able to figure things out, but it is sad that so much of his youth was spent pretending and searching.

In regards to the culture today, as opposed to thirty years ago, of course things have changed.  The gay community has a voice, though it is still a minority and people still discriminate.  I would hope that a gay teen would be able to find a living, breathing, role model to have a relationship with. But I'm hesitant to answer such a question, having not experienced anything having to do with the gay community.

 

David Miller

Becky,

True, he had no role models.  And, in his early development, he had no way to interpret the emotions and attachments he was perceiving.  He had only a sense that what he was feeling was socially unacceptable.  This placed him in a very unusual paradox: how could he be the BLBITW if his natural inclinations led him away from mainstream society's definition of acceptable behavior?  Confusion from unresolved issues deeply ingrained in childhood could possibly be linked to his adult perceptions of what it means to be gay.  Also, since his parents continually reinforced this concept of BLBITW, was he merely living up to their imposed preconceived notion?

I feel that current societal views regarding homosexuality are changing, and that mainstream society is becoming more accepting.  However, in my opinion, our Puritanical roots will probably never allow certain factions of American society to fully accept homosexuality as an acceptable lifestyle.

David Miller

 

Chris Lucas

I agree with you when you say that there were no gay role models for Andrew in the 1970’s.  I think you could make essentially the same argument today. Off hand, I can’t think of any mainstream sports hero’s or significant political figures that are openly gay to serve as role models. We are still in the “don’t ask, don’t tell” mode of thinking on the subject.

Progress in this area is slow, but there are some signs of improvements.  For example, television has begun to deal with the issue and in some cases actually highlight homosexuals in their programming.  The movie industry has also begun to acknowledge and focused on gay issues. Additionally, information is becoming more widely available through gay rights groups and the internet.  I think, these changes are helping people to understand themselves and lessen the stigma of being gay. 

Thanks,

Chris

 

Jill Petersen

The BLBITW was innocent of all things sexual not only because of his parents' response to sex or the lack of public gay role-models but also because he was to proud, scared, unsure, etc to ask about sex and homosexuality.  I think he might have received the support or at least the information he was seeking if he simply asked. I know that asking would have put him in a difficult situation but it is an option that many young men (and women) find preferable to the ambivalence and self doubt they experience otherwise.

As for the cultural climate, there are now actors, athletes, models, politicians and other public figures for young people to look to for information. But I think that the biggest change has been the political one. With the push for same sex benefits and legal same sex marriages and the hate crimes bills that, in many states, protect homosexuals, it has become more acceptable to be gay. It is still not easy but at least there are recourses for those harassed because of their sexuality.

 

Erin Gouner

I agree that it seems that the BLBITW had no gay role models.  If anything I find it interesting that the way he discovers who he is, is through his father's gay bashing.  I think society has moved to make homosexuality more acceptable--especially through literature and awareness.  But, with every issue there are just some people who will always hate what they fear or do not understand.

                                          Erin

 

Becky's Summary / Response

When I asked the question about role models, I was also wondering what you all think about the gay men whose lives are hidden from the sight of mainstream/dominant culture.  Even though it would appear that our society has taken some important steps towards being more open about homosexuality, do we really see gays as individuals, who function in and contribute to society, or do we lump all gays into the paradigm of “gay lifestyle” and neglect to really see in them all the variety of the human experience?

 

I’d like to thank all of you who answered this past week.  As always your comments were thought provoking and helped me to sort out my thoughts.  I’d like to mention, in particular, Tara’s last couple of sentences in which she says that looking for role models and trying to fit in has probably lead gays to focus on their sexual identity  "instead of being free to discover all of the infinite aspects of one’s identity.”  That seems true to me.  And it also seems to me that mainstream culture keeps everyone else focusing on the sexual identity of gays as well, rather than on the other “infinite aspects” of their personalities.

Thanks again for responding to the final distance question.

Becky