ARRANGED MARRIAGES

            My interest in this topic began early in the semester when I was assigned this particular culture to read about.  This culture I am speaking about is people from the country of India, particularly women. Traditional arranged marriage is described as when the parents choose the child’s future spouse with little or no input from the child being taken as having final authority.  If the child refuses the choice of the parents, the parents may choose another possible spouse or the child may be punished or disowned (in rare cases, killed, accidentally in the heat of passion or intentionally with the legal authority to do so.) (1)  Chitra Divakaruni is highly acclaimed author who writes of her own culture of women in arranged marriages who suffer abuse. She even founded an organization to help abused women.  After leaving her home country to come to the United States she started pursuing her writing. In her novel, Arranged Marriage Divakaruni “beautifully tells stories about immigrant brides who are “both liberated and trapped by cultural changes” and who are struggling to carve out an identity of their own.” (2) I feel like sometimes women in arranged marriages do experience difficulty with abuse, finding their own identity, and assimilating to the culture of America when they are currently under so many restraining laws of their own culture.  I think that women from India and other countries who have arranged marriages have difficulty standing on their own.  So, why my concern with this topic?  I think that in our society it is important for the woman in a relationship to be able to stand on her own.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love having a husband to stand by me and support me through good times and bad.  However, it is important to be able to seek what makes you happy.  When you are in a situation every day where you are unhappy, it makes it very difficult for you to strive as a wife and as a mother in the home.  My main concern is for that of the children.  Often children who grow up in unhappy homes have difficulty in school as well as long to be a productive citizen and a well rounded person. 

            In another story written by this same author, she writes about a dutiful husband who has been in an arranged marriage for twenty years. He eventually has an affair and finds what he thinks is “true love.”  I find this actually appalling but, very true of someone who has assimilated to the American culture.  I don’t think that affairs happen in other cultures as much as they happen in America.  When relationships don’t succeed there are scars that last a life time and are difficult to overcome.

            During my research I found that often arranged marriages are based on different variables in different cultures.  In India for instance they might look at salary, education level, and social standing.  However, in China an intragenerational relationship of the families involved may be more important than the marital relationship.  Because the families were friends for many generations they would learn to love each other, because marriage is all about making a family. These beliefs are supported by similar socioeconomics, religion, political and cultural backgrounds.(3)  If a couple has these things in common they are more likely to have a successful marriage.

            In doing my research I read several articles regarding the pros and cons of arranged marriages.  In my opinion, arranged marriages work out for some couples but, if the truth were to be told by the women of these cultures—who by the way are not allowed to speak outwardly in most cases, I believe they would say that they would rather pick their own spouse.  I am concerned for the women that there is abuse and mistreatment. Often, the men are allowed to have girlfriends and the women are not allowed to have an opinion about this. (4)  But, my main concern is for the next generation of children who grow up thinking this is the only way to live. It is not, and there is such thing as freedom.  I hope that I will be encouraged through this research to further my reading and research on this topic and others like it so that I can help my students who face situations that they are not comfortable in, who face abuse, who experience their parents being abused and become an advocate for these people and encourage them to stand on their own and seek freedom for which they came to this country.

References

(1)   www.chitradivakaruni.com, Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni, 3/20/2006.

(2)   www.english.emory.edu/Bahri/CBD.html, Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni, Biography, 3/20/2006.

(3)   En.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arranged_marriage, Ira Mathur, India, FIRST COMES MARRIAGE, THEN COMES LOVE, 4/21/2006.

(4)   www.indiastar.com/arrangmr.html, Chitra Divakaruni, Book Review of Arranged Marriage