LITR 3731: Creative Writing 2008
Student Poetry Submission

Heather Thompson

Inspiration

My children…

give me unconditional love,

I am blessed from above.

My children…

with eyes so brown,

lift my spirits when I am down.

My children…

without any worry,

my they grow up in such a hurry.

My children…

put all their trust in me,

it’s the precious moments that bring serenity.

My children…

who made me who I am today,

help me walk the right way.

My children…

Who if the days are long, hard, and weary,

Give me strength to see I have more in me.

All I have to do is look at My children…

My precious children,

My children who inspire me.

mother's moments

creation of life
sweet serenity
unimaginable bliss
changing history

wrinkle in time
climatic masterpiece
spectrum of light
inspiring eternity


lifetime of peace
glory undefined
uncharted territory
embracing destiny 
 

Revision Account

            My poem is based on my children and how they affect me, the joys that they give to me and the inspiration they share.  In the original poem I simply titled it, “My Children” for lack of other ideas for a title.  Changing the title was an almost unanimous suggestion from the class.  Some suggestions were, “My Little Ones,” “To My children,” “What you give me,” “Mommy & Me,” and several others.  My other ideas were “Energy,” “Motivation,” but “Inspiration” came to me because it was what they are to me, my inspiration. 

Another suggestion was to center the poem on the page and to maybe join some of the two line stanzas to make them four line stanzas.  Instead of centering the poem, I went with using italics.  It gives the poem a since of calmness and passion.  Changing the stanzas to four lines is not something I went with because I like the simplicity of fewer lines per stanza.  My reasoning was based on the simplicity of my children.  I want any level of reader to read it and have it mean something.  Keeping it simple is the way to go, because they simply inspire me.

First, the part of ‘I carried for 10 months”, the class suggested “each I carried for ten months”.  However, after playing with it all, I was forcing everything I could think of to go with it, so I omitted it.  Second, I change “nothing but true love”, to “unconditional love” per several classmates’ suggestions.  I agree it is a better word and image. 

“Who love without holding back. They have no fear and that’s a fact”, was omitted because it seemed sappy and repetitious.  Also, Amber was able to put my feelings into words and she captured it so perfectly, so I used a line she suggested.  She suggested the line, “It’s the precious moments that bring serenity.”  I used it right after “put all their trust in me”.

Although I really like the lines in the original poem which read, “Cause I am “mommy” and that is how it is supposed to be. “Mommies” provide safety, love, and security.”  It was talking about what I, as a mom gives to them, my children. The poem is based on what they give to me, so I decided to remove it. 

I am still not sure how I feel about the form of the last stanza and the last line of the final poem, however, it seems to work. Any suggestion from you would be great on this, or any suggestion at all would be appreciated.

Another huge suggestion was not to rhyme. You know, I saw what the class was saying, but when writing it, to me, it reads childlike with the rhymes. It draws me back to my children. 

I am still struggling with how to put my feelings into words, any other time I would not have this trouble. I have books and books of poems I have written over the years. Maybe it is because it is for an audience, or maybe it is because it is a new emotion that I have not ever written on, but whatever it is, I say it better then I write it.  I tried to incorporate the color metaphor I had mentioned in class, but once I did it made the rest of the poem seem so sappy. My plan is to work on another poem with this more abstract idea based on metaphors.

This poem is something I wrote to remind me of how I feel about my children, and I intend to look back at it years from know and hopefully it will open a gate with all the vivid memories that I could not put into words.  It will serve as a key to my own memory book, one that only I could appreciate. 

Here is the original submission to the class. I like the final one much better.

"My Children"  

To my children, the children I carried for 10 months.

The little children who give me nothing but true love.

I am thankful to have been blessed from above.

The little children with eyes so brown.

One look at them and there is no sadness.

Their laughs are full of gladness.

The little children without any worry.

Who love without holding back.

They have no fear and that's a fact.

The little children who put their whole trust in me,

Cause I am "mommy" and that is how it is suppose to be.

“Mommies” provide safety, love, and security.

The little children who made me who I am today.

The ones that helped me walk the right way.

When the days are long, hard, and weary…

When I wonder if there is anything left in me…

All I have to do is look at my little children…

My precious little children…

The little children who motivate me.

Heather Thompson