LITR 3731: Creative Writing 2008
Student Poetry Submission

Lauralie Pope

02-28-08

Ladybug; Guardian of the Sprout

Red black and tiny

Sophisticated in flight

Omnivorous one!

Two Daughters

Sky blue eyes, reflections in a pond.

Eyes, blue like the depths of sea.

Edgy-- a jagged rock under water!

Charged like the crashing waves!

Cautious--a timid wary body.

Hopeful --a crest reaching for the sand.

An unfathomable mystery!

Happily part of something grand!

Revision Account

     I chose to write two short poems.  I began by choosing ladybugs as the subject, so I looked them up on line to see what I could learn about them.  I wrote down some vocabulary to help me describe a ladybug and then began thinking about the form of my poem.  I decided to try a haiku, to see if I could do it, and liked it so much that I wanted to turn it in.  However, I realized that it was too short and only took a little time to write so, I felt like I needed to do more for the assignment.  I needed time to think so I left it alone for a little while and then decided to write about either, my daughters or, my gratitude for past invention.  I began playing around with both ideas and had a rudimentary beginning for two poems.  I did not know what to do with either one of them, so I went to Dr. White for suggestions.  He suggested I write about my daughters because it would be easier to talk about them.  He said he was intrigued by the other idea, but thought I might drive myself crazy trying to put it into words.  Dr. White also had a suggestion for the form of my poem about my girls that included making one line about one child and the next line about the other one in a continued pattern.  That helped a lot, and I spent some more time with it.  I liked the idea of including nature in the poem somehow and this is what I came up with.

My Daughters    

Sky blue eyes like reflections in a pond

Eyes like the deep blue sea

Moody as a jagged cliff

Charged with energy as a crashing wave

Cautious, a timid creature

Hopeful, eager for a friend

Content alone busy exploring

Happy in a herd!

     When I got to this point I had to decide if I was going to use the nature theme more broadly or narrow it down to being about water.  I liked the idea of just using water for several reasons.  First, it would limit what my imagination had to come up with, making it easier.  Second, water exists in a variety of settings in nature.  Third, water symbolizes birth, rebirth cleansing, necessity, purity, and entertainment if you can excuse the stretch (boating, swimming, etc.) and my girls are a source of joy and entertainment for me.  So the poem changed again.

My Daughters  

Sky blue eyes like reflections in a pond

Eyes line the deep blue sea

Moody as a jagged rock under water

Charged with energy as a crashing wave

Cautious, a tiny still body

Hopeful like a wave reaching for the sand

A deep pool of mystery!

Happy to be a part of something grand!

     At this point I am happy to say, I sent it to two of my classmates.  Now these aren’t just any classmates, they happen to be pretty darn good with words!  I am grateful for their input.  I had confided in Christina my reason for submitting two poems and voiced my concern over the first one being too short.  Christina liked my ladybug poem and had this to say.  “Short as a haiku should be—detailed, good imagery-the ladybug is conveyed as a small tiny little thing yet your last line conveys the strength of the ladybug.” 

     Tanya was very helpful with the other poem because she offered some wonderful suggestions.  She  sent these changes to me via e-mail. 

Sky blue eyes—reflections in a pond

Eyes blue like the depths of sea

Edgy—a jagged rock under water;

Charged like the crashing waves

Cautious, timid, hopeful

Like a wave grasping the sand OR Like a wave wanting to grasp the sand

An unfathomable mystery with

Pleasure encircles magnificence

     She added that I used like too much and that she played around with the punctuation to remove some of the words like “the, of, as, a”.  I failed to tell her that the first line in each stanza was about one daughter and the second line in each was about my other child.  So there was a little confusion but her suggestion, “Waves reaching for the sand are typically not “still” and “Happy and something need to compliment grand” helped me to make the final changes.