LITR 3731: Creative Writing 2008
Student Poetry Submission
Matthew Orr
Searching
The burnished print
Quivers there
Poised to leap
Heart seeking
Cutting away
To the essence of truth
Removing lies
Casting away deceit
Awakening inspiration
Windows of illumination
With panes of clarity
In multifaceted simplicity
Melded to each
Radiant beacon
Rising from obscurity
To intangible greatness
Seen from afar
Looking
Reaching inward
Found
Draft Exchange Report
Author’s report on draft exchange:
I had the benefit of three readers. They were Heather Thompson from class, Michelle Whitsitt (a family friend), and my wife Tara. The process itself was easy and benefitted me by giving me a fresh look on what I had written. I am not a strong writer and this process has made it easier to see what needed to be cut from my work. It is hard for me to get rid of things that might be unnecessary. I wish I had not misunderstood the original directions and trying to get this taken care of this weekend has been a little difficult due to computer problems. The people I chose seem to be honest about what they think, but I feel that my wife is probably the most brutally honest since she has made creative writing part of her education and has had the benefit of being honest critiqued herself.
First reader: Michelle Whitsitt
Matthew,
I liked your poem, but I do have a few suggestions. I would not capitalize “panes” and “multifaceted” in the second stanza. I would also change obscure to obscurity in the third stanza. When you read it out loud it flows better. I would not change anything else.
Michelle Whitsitt [friend]
3/1/08
Second reader: Heather Thompson
Matthew,
I like your poem, it is very good! I did check my home email at 10:30
pm last night, but I see it had came to my work email. Thank goodness!
I think it is great the way it is! Sorry, for the mass confusion this
weekend. See you Thursday.
The only suggestion I really have is to change the second intangible to eluding. What do you think?
HT 3/3/2008
Third reader: Tara Orr
Matthew,
I think the title is a little lackluster and considering you use such rich words in the body of the poem I think you could come up with better. I think the first stanza is a little anthropomorphic for my tastes. I don’t like the line “To cut forth truth.” I think you should change “cut forth” to something else. In the second stanza I don’t understand what the intangible beacon is? Did you do that on purpose? It doesn’t make sense to me since you are saying the words are illuminated with clarity and simplicity, so how can they be intangible beacons? In the third stanza you need to use another words besides intangible since you just used two lines before. It sounds off. In the fourth stanza I think you need to get rid of the comma and put looking by itself on the second line and drop reaching inward to the next line. Then in the last line I think you need to drop the question mark. You don’t have any other punctuation except those two marks and I think you don’t need them. Also, I think that the questioning voice behind the last word found is innately there, so you don’t need that mark. I think it will clean it up some. I think you did a pretty good job but it just needs to be tightened up some. Just remember to make sure it flows both in sound and in logic.
Tara Orr
2/28/08
Author’s final comments:
I changed my poem from the comments and suggestions given and feel that it has improved my idea. This poem was a part of another poem I was trying to write which ended up taking a life of its own. I changed my title to something which was more fitting and then worked on some of the lines which did not flow as well. I changed the word shiny to burnished in the first line. The line “To cut forth truth” had the idea that I wanted but didn’t work as well so I changed it to the two lines “Cutting away” and To the essence of truth. ” I changed capital words and took out the question mark because it really wasn’t necessary and feel that this the input has improved my poem. I initially had the word intangible which from the input given realized that it needed to be changed to something more fitting.
Words [rough draft]
The shiny print
Quivers there
Poised to leap
Heart seeking
To cut forth truth
Remove lies
Throw down deceit
Awaken inspiration
Windows of illumination
With Panes of clarity
In Multifaceted simplicity
Melded to each
Intangible beacon
Raised from obscure
To intangible greatness
Seen from afar
Looking, reaching inward
Found?
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