LITR 3731: Creative Writing 2008
Student Poetry Submission
Bryan McDonald
Forget About Me
For every promise you‘ve broken
There’s been a promise I’ve kept.
Ten years in the making,
Destroyed when you left.
Now we each hold the pieces
Of what could have been.
But I am left here,
Bearing each of our sins.
You asked for the truth,
But told yourself lies.
Yet I am to blame
For our demise.
You always come back,
But it’s understood,
That sooner or later,
You’ll be gone for good.
Each time you took a piece of me
One that I’ll never get back.
Every one taken
Has been one you lack.
If you came back now
It wouldn’t be the same.
It would only be love
For the sake of the game
I don’t want your pity,
Nor your apologies.
I want only one thing.
You to forget about me.
This poem started off a few years ago. I think the overall theme is pretty apparent. I was in a long drawn out relationship from about 13 on. While it started when we were young, it has continued up until about a year ago. I think a 10 year relationship for someone only 22 is pretty substantial. This is kind of a summary how things seemed to fair over the last several years. On another note, I wrote another poem titled “Remember Me” a few years prior to even beginning this. I guess I would call this a follow up, or even an update. I wanted to actually use the other poem in conjunction with this one just so that people could see the change in tone and attitude. The tone was more forgiving and basically asked not to forget about me. After a few more years, and more “drama” my feelings had changed. Unfortunately, the other poem is no where to be found. I suppose it may be tuck away somewhere in closet. But no luck finding it yet.
I really received some valuable insight from Mallory. One of Mallory’s first responses was that this displayed more of my character than I often chose to show. I believe “macho” was how she referred to it. Ha! I am pleased with her reaction. I certainly don’t want to seem one-dimensional. She commented how specific it was, and that details really weren’t necessary to understand it. That’s really how I intended it to be, more of a message or statement.
In another session both Mallory and I made a few changes. A few lines needed some adjustment to keep a universal tone. Specifically, the next to last line needed revision. I didn’t necessarily want to sound burdened, but I think the message shines through slightly better by stating that I “need” and not “ask one thing”. Eventually, I decided that I wanted that line to sound a little more confident, more like I was issuing an ultimatum. The words “need” or “ask” seem too much like I was asking for mercy almost. That isn’t the intention here. Ultimately I decided on using “want”. Also, we switched the order of those words to really emphasize my only request. I italicized “one” just to really drive home those last two lines.
Additionally, she suggested changing “name” to “game” in the last line of the 6th stanza. This really embodies the message I was trying to send. I often refer to this relationship as a game. “Game” really exemplifies the way much of this ordeal has transpired, and fit ideally with the theme of the poem.
My mother didn’t have quite as many suggestions as to changes in the poem. Instead, she really solidified the tone I wanted to use in the poem. She commented that using the repeated sets of contradictions really show how tiresome I have become. Moreover, she thought that even reading this, it should be done with some resentment in your voice.
I have yet to conjure up a title for this poem. However, both Mallory and I thought “Forget About Me” might be appropriate but pretty simple. I am really still thinking about that. But it would match the “Remember Me” poem that preceded this one. I assume for now that “Forget About Me” should suffice.
On another note, I added the seconded stanza just recently. But those lines seem really familiar. Did someone else from the class say something similar? I don’t want steal anyone’s ideas. Although I do like those few lines.
1St Draft
For every promise you‘ve broken
Has been a promise I’ve kept.
Ten years in the making,
destroyed when you left.
Now we each hold pieces
of what could have been.
But I am left here,
Bearing both of our sins.
You asked for the truth,
But told yourself lies.
Yet I am to blame
For our demise.
Yet you always come back,
but it’s understood,
That sooner or later,
you’ll be gone for good.
Each time you take a piece of me
One I’ll never get back.
Every one taken
has been one that you lack.
If you came back now
It wouldn’t be the same.
It would only be love
For the sake of the name.
I don’t want your pity,
Or your apologies.
I only ask one thing.
You to forget about me.
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