LITR 3731: Creative Writing 2008
Student Poetry Submission

Kimberly Davis

                                                                                  Two Faces

                                             I see two faces

                                                    in my hall;

                                              each different,

                                  each a fervent request.

                               The love I feel for them,

                          astounding in its magnitude.

                                            He is a Miracle,

                                 a gift for a barren soul.

                                           She is an Angel,

                                     sent to restore hope.

                 Every day with them—a blessing.

                                       The two I gaze on,

                                                  day by day;

              a million memories each face holds,

                                 some good, some bad;

                          one as precious as the next.

                 I hold each child under my watch,

              amazed at the prayers God granted.

                                               -K. M. Davis

Revision Account

I wrote the first version of this poem as I sat in line to pick up my son from school almost 3 years ago. I could explain the thought process, but I am not sure that anyone would understand. Lets suffice to say that I started by looking in the rear view mirror and seeing my reflection, and the words just flowed. I wrote the first draft on the back of a bank deposit receipt in pencil and later typeset it on the ancient computer at home. I chose this poem to present to the class because the subjects of the poem are the reason that I am in school—my children. The “Two Faces” refer to the pictures of my children I have hanging in my hallway…and my living room….and on just about every available wall space in my home.

The original version is as follows:

                                                                    Two Faces

                                                               I see two faces

                                                                      in my hall;

                                                       each one as different

                                                            as night and day.

                                                  The love I feel for each,

                                           Astounding in its magnitude.

                                               An Angel to bless my life;

                                    A Miracle to make it worth living.

                                     Each day with them—a blessing.

                                                     The two I gaze upon,

                                                                    day by day.

                                 A million memories each one holds,

                                                               good and bad;

                                                           precious each one

.

                                          I hold each face in my watch,

                               wondering at the gifts God gave me.

                                                                   -K. M. Davis

As I said before, I presented my poem to the class on Thursday, January 31. I was excited to see what everyone thought of my masterpiece. After review, I realized that it definitely needed work, and I thank everyone who gave the helpful suggestions.

My revision came as follows:

Stanza One

I removed “one as” because it was repetitive when it followed “each”. The line “as night and day” was cliché, and I was prompted to expand on the differences. I came up with “each a fervent request” because I wanted to depict my need for children.

Stanza Two

I made one minor change in this stanza, “each” to “them”. I had used “each” twice directly preceding this line in the stanza above. To use it again would have been repetitious. Using “them” also supports the “two faces”.

Stanza Three

This stanza directly relates to the subjects of the poem. I rearranged the order of the subjects to represent birth order, and then expanded on the importance of each pregnancy/child. I changed “every” to “each” at the request of a classmate.

Stanza Four

I changed “upon” to “on” at the request of a classmate. I changed “one” to “face” because the original line referenced the day, while the revised version references the subjects. I added “some” as modifiers to the fourth line, and reworded the fifth line to adjust the meter.

Stanza Five

In this stanza I chose to reveal that the subjects are my children. I changed “in” to “under” because, as a classmate pointed out, being a mother lends itself to caring for a child, and the word fit better for the picture I wanted to paint. I changed the last line to reference back to the first stanza; the prayers that were answered were the “fervent requests” made in stanza one.

The whole process of revision and rethinking was a major experience for me. I now have a better understanding of what the revision process entails. Being able to present my poem to the class helped me to think “outside the box” for revision ideas and will definitely help me in my fiction writing. I would like to eventually publish “Two Faces” in possibly a literary magazine or a book of my original poems.

Again, thank you to everyone who participated in my revision process.