LITR 3731: Creative Writing 2008
Student Poetry Submission

Miranda Allen

True Love

When first we met,

Little did I know

That such a short time later

I would love you so.

We talked for hours

Every day and night,

And the small flame of our love

Grew fast, strong and bright.

So not long after

I agreed to move in,

And there it began:

My Education of Men.

“Please take out the trash,”

I asked of my dear,

“For the smell is becoming

Quite unpleasant in here.”

Three whole days later

It became apparent you see,

That asking things nicely

Was not working for me.

A scant two weeks after

I then asked of my sweet

To pick up his belongings

Always cluttered at my feet.

And again several days later

It occurred to me

That this would not pass

Unless I became mean.

Next was the lawn,

Which was quite overgrown,

That I asked him to tend

And he let out a moan.

Not being a dumb woman,

I knew where this would go.

I grew hostile in advance

Just so he would know.
 

I was not putting up

With his slack anymore.

He’d mow the stupid lawn now

Or I’d show him the door.

My pent up frustrations

Began to spill over

And I couldn’t help but think

That he’d better really take cover.

Instead he just sat there

Looking very confused,

And his look was so cute

That I quickly began to lose

The angry tone in my voice,

The violent thoughts in my head…

I no longer wanted to beat him

But to kiss him instead.

Not knowing what to say

With this sudden urge of mine,

I simply acted on it

And he did not decline.

If he wasn’t confused before,

He most certainly was now.

And I couldn’t help but laugh

As all I thought was, “Wow.”

He may drive me crazy

Every day of my life,

But I suddenly realized

He is worth all the strife.

I truly do love him

Heart, body, mind and soul.

I hope he still drives me crazy

Even when we are old.

Revision Account

            My poem, “True Love,” was a piece of work that I was inspired to write by my wonderfully amazing significant other, and it was written specifically for this assignment. While the poem is intended to be somewhat lighthearted and amusing, I chose not to add the proposed additional stanza at the end which would’ve brought back and emphasized my “education of men” because I felt it would undermine the underlying message of the poem.  And that message is that, in a true and enduring love, everything begins and ends with love and with your feelings for the other person.  While your significant other may annoy you or drive you crazy sometimes and even though you will undoubtedly have disagreements, when all is said and done at the end of the day, you still very much love that person just as much or even more than before.  My poem is intended to portray this idea more than any other to the reader.  Therefore, the emphasis on the poem was not meant to be about my “education of men” but instead about tried and true and timeless love.

            That being said, I did receive a lot of very good advice on my poem after reading it to the class.  As a result, I did choose to modify several parts of it as follows:

 3^rd Stanza, Line 1

Original: So a short while later

Modified: So not long after

3^rd Stanza, Line 4

Original: My education of men

Modified: My Education of Men

6th Stanza, Line 4

Original: Which were always at my feet

Modified: Always cluttered at my feet

7th Stanza, Line 3

Original: That this would not come to pass

Modified: That this would not pass

8th Stanza, Line 4

Original: And he responded with a moan

Modified: And he let out a moan

9th Stanza, Line 3

Original: So I became hostile in advance

Modified: I grew hostile in advance

10th Stanza, Line 2

Original: With his laziness anymore

Modified: With his slack anymore

10th Stanza, Line 3

Original: And he’d mow the stupid lawn now

Modified: He’s mow the stupid lawn now

10th Stanza, Line 4

Original: Or I would show him the door

Modified: Or I’d show him the door

11th Stanza, Line 4

Original: That he should really take cover

Modified: That he’d better take cover

12th Stanza, Line 2

Original: Looking very much confused

Modified: Looking very confused

13th Stanza, Line 2

Original: And the violent thoughts in my head

Modified: The violent thought in my head

15th Stanza, Line 1

Original: If he was not confused before

Modified: If he wasn’t confused before

15th Stanza, Line 3

Original: I could not help but laugh

Modified: And I couldn’t help but laugh

15th Stanza, Line 4

Original: When all I could think was, “Wow.”

Modified: As all I though was, Wow.”

            Clearly, many of these suggestions which I adhered to were intended to assist in giving a more flowing quality to this poem.  Much of this was accomplished by simply altering a word or two here and there and yet it helps the poem so much and makes a dramatic difference.  In addition, I also made several suggested punctuation changes that I did not list but which were equally helpful to me.  I really appreciated everyone’s feedback, assistance, and wonderful ideas and advice.